Un-Masked

man-1461448_1280Happy Halloween, Samhain, All Saints Day, All Souls Day, Day of the Dead and whatever else you might celebrate on this magical evening.

October 31st has long been known as the time when the “veil” to the unseen is lifted.  In other words, the opportunity to be more psychic.  For those of you non-believers, consider it the time your inner bullsh*t detector is activated.  However, since the time of December 21, 2012, the veil has been getting ever thinner.

The un-masking is taking place.
Awful people can’t hide anymore.  They’ve held their tongue for too long and now the dirt is rolling out.  They can’t hold back and their actions are giving away their inner demons.  The world is their stage and they are acting out.

It’s a very volatile and scary time here on Planet Earth.  Battle stations, ready, from our surrounding planets.  No wonder they keep going retrograde, anything to stay out of the line of fire.

Take heart, while all the sh*tty people are alive and stirring up trouble, the really good people are also coming out of hiding.  That shy, sweet server at your local restaurant.  The neighbor across the street who watches out for your home while you are away.  A coworker you shied away from because they were very reserved.  These kind people are also pulling off their masks and standing up for others.

Light always overcomes the dark.

It will be a battle for a while yet.  More fighting, more awful news, more everything.  But for each and everyone of them, comes another who will stand up and demand what is right.

Because the Light always overcomes the dark.

Star Stuck

art-dawn-daylight-194040Does it seem like everyone has just gone bonkers lately?  Mean, back-biting or just plain snotty?  It’s not you, it’s them.  But it’s not you either.

Those pesky planets are making dizzy circles amongst the stars again.

Venus, the planet of love and relationships, has been in retrograde.  Yes, that-oh-so-sensuous, snuggle-on-the-sofa, planet of swoon has been giving relationships the cold shoulder.  If you have been fighting with your sweetie, your bestie, or maybe just everyone you meet, take heart because Venus is forcing us to take stock of our interpersonal relationships.

But hold onto your socks, or at least your box of tissues, because just when it should get better it is about to get worse.  Venus will stop being all pissy-pants and move direct on November 16th.  Yay!  Just wait, our other little friend who loves to create chaos, none other than Mercury, will go retrograde on the same day.

Mercury, the ruler of all things tech, communication, travel and legal will be giggling with glee as he turns his back on the sky and stays there until December 6th.

What. The. F*ck.

I guess there is a bright side to this.  Just when you are about to press Send on the nasty, go-F*ck-yourself text, your phone seizes and dies.  Or you are about to send your resignation letter to your boss, along with your list of the thousands of ways you hope the company dies, your computer goes into the blue screen of death taking all your files with it.

So while you are standing in line at the phone store, you’ll have plenty of time to re-think those messages.

You see, retrograde is the time to turn inward and re-think, reevaluate, review, remind and any other re-word that causes you to pause for a different purpose.

Maybe that relationship wasn’t so bad after all.  You might be pushing yourself too hard and biting someone’s head off just because you are tired.  Or maybe it really is time to call it quits, because you just can’t deal with their drinking problem.

Maybe you are taking on too much at your workplace, trying to make up for inadequacies in your team.  It might be time to step up and tell them to handle their own responsibilities.  Or maybe you need to polish your resume, because playing office politics that wreak havoc with your value system of integrity and correctness are causing you an overload of stress.

So while these planets are vying for dominion in the sky, hunker down in your nest and look within for answers.  Seek help from Spirit for the best direction and action steps to take.

Or maybe just make a wish upon a star.

Mega-Madness

lottery-146318_1280Are you the lucky person holding the billion dollar lottery ticket?  If so, your life is about to change in ways you might not have imagined when you decide to use your car payment to buy tickets.  At least that will be paid off.  Or will you just trade it in for a top-of-the-line Maybach?  Probably for one for every day of the week.

I’m not so certain winning that amount of money is such a good idea.  Maybe the home that you love and have lived in for a long time will have to go.  Unscrupulous people will camp out on your lawn.  You might have to hire security to guard your home and follow you around.  Your spouse might leave you, taking half the money (not that they aren’t entitled).  Maybe the happiness that you have been experiencing in your life will suddenly turn into worry and fear.  If the government can’t manage a billion dollars, how can you?

Some people are good at managing money; I hope you are one of them.

A billion dollars can make a difference in many lives.  South Carolina was recently affected by the hurricanes and is in the process of recovering and rebuilding.  Maybe the winner will provide some community support, not saying that they should give away all or any of their winnings.  But what do you really do with that much money?  Many banks have an insurance cap of $250,000.  Think of how many bank accounts you would need to shelter those dollars, and the corresponding number of passwords you would have to remember.  I can barely remember the few I have.  It’s still hurricane season, so that trip to the Cayman Islands might have to wait.

I wish you well, whoever or whoevers you are.

Me, I don’t play the big lotteries.  Too much responsibility and disruption.  Winning the lottery for me would be to lessen my responsibilities so I play the smaller state version.  Then I can pay off my house and be able to pay people for services that make my life easier.  I just want the freedom to determine what my day is like, and not be on someone else’s time clock.  To  have fun and enjoy life.  To create and follow my passions.  That doesn’t take a mega amount of money.

Maybe just some minor-madness.

True Grit

Whether you prefer the original, 1969 film version with John Wayne and Kim Darby or the exceptionally well-done remake with Hailee Steinfeld and Jeff Bridges, the message is the same: having true grit.

What is True Grit?

The simplest of the definition is firmness of mind and unyielding courage.  Some people would call this stubborn or hard-headed.  Well, yes, but what is so terrible about that?

If something you are doing or want to do is important to you, and it is not illegal, immoral or unethical, then you should stand your ground and pursue it.

The character in the film, young Mattie Ross, was determined to avenge her father’s death and obtain what was stolen from her family.  Nothing illegal, immoral or unethical about that.  Well, maybe the fact that she was carrying a gun might have made it illegal, depending on the use, but certainly necessary for a young woman who planned this trek.

Mattie’s single-minded intent carried her through the film, no matter renegade lawmen, high water, creatures or outlaws.  She stood her ground even when she was told that she was too young, too small, and well, female.  Her courage and unrelenting determination won her the respect of the two men she was partnered with on her quest.

Most everyone needs a good dose of true grit.  When you do something appropriately, in service, and with integrity and someone attacks you (not necessarily physically), then you need to stand your ground and defend yourself.  No one has the right to demean you or make you feel less than who you are.  No one has the right to silence you or invalidate your values.  No one has the right to push you into doing something that crosses your value system.  Defend yourself, even if it means putting yourself on center stage.  You matter.  Your values matter.  Your integrity matters.  No one can take that from you, but they will learn to respect you.

If center stage is scary for you, call upon your inner Rooster Cogburn and let fly with “fill your fists, you son-of-a-b*tch!”  I can almost guarantee that they will back down.

Me Who?

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I hesitated to write this article for fear that it would come across as a political and/or hate-filled rant, so I decided to address it from my own experience.

 

I, too, am a victim of sexual molestation.

 

The first time was when I was 13, and the second at age 16.  Both times were perpetrated by a family member (not the same one).  The first event was more profound and many of the details are as clear in my mind today as they were at 13.  Do the math, I’m 58 now.  Trauma imprints details indelibly on the brain.  Why do you think it is called Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder?

I don’t remember all the details, just specific ones.  I don’t remember the exact day or time.  It was a hot, sunny summer afternoon.  I specifically remember the where, the who, the jeans I was wearing and exactly what occurred.  And I remember the secondary event that followed the next day.  I remember feeling that I was mature enough (at 13?!) to handle the situation and that I could stop it.  Some bizarre part of my brain felt sophisticated.  I even remember asking the perp if he had done this to his younger sisters.  Yes, really.  I don’t remember his answer, nor do I really want to speculate.  I’m not the judge of that.

The emotional whirlwind that came after has followed me to this day, even as I write these words.  Initially, there was a mind-numbing sickness due to some books he showed me of perverted acts.  Shame, fear and even guilt that I had somehow caused this.  Ridiculous as I was 13 and he was an adult.  Now I know that as Person in a Position of Trust and could have put him in jail.  I couldn’t tell anyone; my family life wasn’t very supportive.  At some point, I mentioned it to my grandmother without really telling her anything and her reaction was something like “I don’t want to hear this.”  So I lived with the shame and fear until sometime in my forties, when I decided that I needed to make changes in my life.

Sexual molestation creates life-long damage.  My sexuality suffered.  I experienced difficult relationships with men that played out from deviant behavior to smothering.  When I finally acknowledged my pain and did the healing work, I was able to enter into a relationship with a man who helped me find my sexuality in a normal, natural and loving way.  My sweetie is a good man.

There are hundreds of thousands of women AND men like me, who are ashamed and afraid to speak out.  Many have and I hope many more will.  Imagine the global healing, and hopefully change this will create.  The trauma will always be with you, but doing the healing and therapy work brings acceptance within.  You must do the grieving.  You must forgive yourself for being in the situation and not being able to do anything about it.  Shame is very much about self-hatred; you didn’t take care of yourself.  Only then can you put the trauma in a neutral place.

Why do people perpetrate sexual molestation on others?  I don’t know.  There are plenty of theories.  Family conditioning, societal pressure, having been a victim and on and on.  How about “because I LIKE it”?  There are mean and predatory people in this world, who are not necessarily socio- or psychopaths.  When they are confronted, they deny or throw a tantrum like a spoiled child who got their toy taken away.  It takes an enormous amount of self-will not to get outrageously angry when I see antics like this.  The urge is strong to want to give them a swat on the a$$ like a tantrum-throwing child deserves.

However, I do believe in karma.

I was probably in my thirties when I heard through the family grapevine that the perp had an industrial accident.  Something hit him in the groin hard enough to blow out a testicle.  Feeling vindicated, I gave thanks that day and I really think that was what started me down the road to healing.

Karma can be a real bitch when she’s been wronged.  Allow her to help you heal.

He Said, She Said

silhouette-2480321_1280There is a lot of finger-pointing between the sexes these days.  No one is right, yet no one is wrong.  It appears to be battle of control, when what it really should be is a balance of power.

Energy must be balanced in order to flow.

In every effective relationship, there is a balance of feminine and masculine energy.  This is not limited to gender nor sexual preference.  Feminine energy is receptive and sensing-feeling.  Masculine energy is giving and thinking-doing. 

Women can be masculine energy, and that doesn’t mean that they look like men or lack femininity.  Likewise, men can be feminine energy and still look and act masculine.  It is only how the energy is processed.

I am a masculine energy, very feminine woman.  I have friends and acquaintances who are similar.  I am in a heterosexual relationship and am a total fashionista.  I am highly intelligent and get more sh*t done in a day than many people do in a week.  My sweetie is a feminine energy male, who is also very intelligent and a creative former ironworker.  He appreciates my forward thinking.  Neither of us is weak and neither of us is in charge of the relationship.  Because we have a balanced energy relationship, the energy can shift back and forth depending upon our needs, desires and skills.  Good relationships have this ebb and flow.

The problem comes from two same-energy people in a relationship.  Two masculine energy people will constantly fight for control.  Two feminine energy people will passively want their way.  In either situation, neither get their needs met nor get sh*t done.  Trying to pretend you are one type, when you are not, does not work either.  Just like coloring your hair, the dark roots will always grow out the blonde.  Why create more conflict to an already conflicted situation?

The first step is to acknowledge your energy type.  Forget the male-female, masculine-feminine typecast for a bit.  Ask this question instead: are you more offended if someone calls you stupid or if they call you ugly?  If being called stupid sets you off, then you are more likely masculine energy, whereas you don’t give a rat’s a$$ if they call you ugly.  You might also get irritated and impatient by people who cry all the time.  If being called ugly makes you cry, then you are likely feminine energy.  Your feelings are more important than whether or not you know how to calculate the return on investment.  Again, neither energy type is right or wrong.  Just learn to be happy with which one you are.  You will have a happier life if you do.

I almost wonder if what we are seeing in the world today is from real energy types finally emerging.  Perhaps the conflict is more from within and easier to project on someone else than to acknowledge what is.  Internal conflict can turn nice people into alien life forms from hell.  Figure out what type you are, but throw away the label.  The energy will settle down and fall into balance.

Because it is better to be happy than to be right.

Happy Blogging Birthday!

birthday-236042_1920I posted my first article one year ago today.  I started it as something to ease into retirement, and like many things, it morphed into something more.  It has been a fantastic platform of self-healing and coaching, aside from the creative expression.  I’m grateful to all of you who have read, followed and liked my articles.  I hope all of that continues to grow.

I draw my inspiration from daily life with connections to personal experience.  Your likes and comments show me what resonates with you.  It’s not just a blog about me, you see.  I have a calling towards coaching and guiding so I hope to make a difference or at least a small influence in your life.  Those small bits of magic bring much-needed light to the world.  As nutty as it is right now, we need every spark we can get.

So thank you and I hope you continue to hang with me as we move forward in this journey called life.  Or to put it in my oft-used voice: F*ckin’ A!!

Sliding In To Home Plate

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Photo: Pixabay – KeithJJ

I know nothing about baseball, nor will even attempt to make comparisons other than our Rockies have been in the news quite a bit as a wild card.  They will need to do a lot of sliding into home if they aspire to the championship.

You may have heard the expression that is something about life and sliding into home, worn out and used up.  Not to be abusing your body, but I think that is a damn good way to think about your life – in that you lived it to the fullest.  You can go to your grave with the pennant in hand, maybe even singing “We will, we will rock you!!”  (Shake it, Freddie!)

I talked to some friends the other day who are experiencing serious health issues.  They never thought life would come to oxygen and artificial limbs.  (Love you, P & T!)  I reminded my friend to think of how well they lived their life.  She agreed and she said they had a lifetime of fun.  In the 10+ years I’ve known them, I’ve had an enormous amount of fun with them and I almost think in those 10 years more fun than in the rest of my life altogether.  That’s kind of sad.  However, it was one of those moments that you view your life through someone else’s eyes.

She has poor health, but lived life to the fullest.  I have good health, but much of my life had small moments of happiness.  Who has it better?

Difficult to ponder, even as I write that.

I guess maybe it comes back to baseball.  I’m going to take a metaphorical swing at that, so forgive my sports ignorance.

Life is a game.  You step up to bat and you really never know if you’re going to score big or strike three and you are out.  Then what?  You could whack yourself in the head with the bat and take yourself out of the game forever.  You could spend some time in the outfield, catching balls that someone else drives to you, and occasionally send them back to the bench.  You could take time to study the game, better yourself, work yourself free of some bad habits and step back up to the plate.  This game is too much fun to give up on, and you are game enough to do it better.

So step up to the plate, extend that first finger to the outfield, swing that bat like you want to win the championship, and slide into home plate with everything you’ve got, because you are the champion of your life.

Oz-tober

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Photo: Pixabay, Efraimstochter

Last night, Ozzy Osbourne played at the Denver Pepsi Center.  I didn’t go because it was a work night and I just can’t stay up that late anymore.

Ozzie and many other musicians have been out on epic tours, some for several years.  Why the significance as that is no different than any other year?  Because most of them are over the age of 60.  They are still out there rockin’ it and kickin’ a$$ long after the rest of us are snoring in our beds.

Some ask “why?”  “Do they need more money; don’t they have enough?”  “That’s old news.”  “Sick of that music.”  (Seriously?!)  Or “they are too old to be doing that”.  The reality is that they are out there doin’ it because they LOVE it.  Music is their passion, their reason for living.  They live to make music, play music and perform music.  And why not?

I recently saw a photo of Klaus Meine of the Scorpions that said “this is what 70 looks like”.  If that’s 70, then everyone should aspire to that.  70 is no longer seen as the bent-over, shuffling wrinkled person with overgrown nose hairs.  Check out Ari Seth Cohen’s “Advanced Style” and you will see photos of [yes, real] kick-a$$ older people living life to the fullest.  “Old is the New Black” is the motto.

Older people have had enough of being pushed aside, told what they can or cannot wear, think, do or anything else a bunch of under-experienced brats have decided.  Older people live, love, wear purple hair and have sex on a regular basis.

We are not dead yet.

It is a time to embrace your passions, to do the things that you barely had the time for when you were younger, to play, to have a loving relationship, to think, to feel, to honor yourself and speak out for what you believe in.

Or rock it at an Ozzy concert.  Just remember to wear your ear plugs.

Life’s A Beach

IMG_0510We just got back late in the night from Grand Cayman.  Got a little jet lag settling in along with the urge to eat.  Travelling is exhausting and I often wonder if the destination is really worth the effort.

Life’s a beach and you need to be on one.

IMG_0511Our flight from Grand Cayman to Charlotte was delayed for 2 ½ hours due to a bird strike on the incoming plane.  I know that is fairly common, sad for the bird and stressful for all the humans involved.  Fortunately, our connecting flight to Denver had a three hour layover so we made the connection with minutes to spare.  This is an all-too-common story and many of you have worse tales to tell.  Still it makes you begin to wonder if travel is worth it.

Life’s a beach and sometimes you’re not sure where it is.

IMG_0547Being the anxiety driven person I am, I really have to want the destination to go through the effort involved.  We had not ever been to Grand Cayman so we looked forward to the trip.  Beautiful beaches, lush vegetation and pretty homes dotted this little paradise.  Sunshine, palm trees, blue water, what was there not to like?

But something was lacking.  WTF?!  Am I crazy?  (I think we have already established that.)

I longed for home.

Haven’t you ever prepped and packed, lugged and carried, rode cars and trains and escalators and glides, stuffed you and your things into a tiny space, and endured the drone of the jet engine, all in a mad dash to get somewhere so you could relax?  And then when the cortisol wore off, all you wanted was to be back at home in your own bed?  I’m quite certain I’m not alone in this thought process.  Sometimes the best place to be is in your own home, your own space with your own little beach. 

So click your heels, Dorothy, because life’s a beach of your very own making.patio tiki bar