Thar She Blows!

mount-st-helens-164848_1920Many of us have been taught that “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”.  At the same time, spewing nasty, foul, never-to-be-taken-back, words of hate is not the way to go either.  But like the pressure relief valve on a water heater, you have to let out some of the heat or you will blow up.  And like the water heater, you don’t want to become a missile and go through your roof, or at worst someone’s head.

If someone offends you or steps on your toes, holding back your comments does neither of you any good.  First, you just taught them that it is okay to be unkind to you.  Second, you just deposit resentment energy in your body.  And we all know what that does.  (Create dis-ease, if you didn’t know.)  You need to respond immediately and tell the person that you didn’t like what they said or did.  Screaming at the top of your lungs is not necessary, unless they physically hurt you, and then maybe you need to deck them in return.  Just kidding.  An eye for eye isn’t always the best strategy either.  Sometimes that gets you a free ticket to jail.  A very simple “please do not talk to me like that”, is often all that needs to be said.

It’s not always easy to respond quickly.  Sometimes we are caught off guard, with the “I can’t believe what I just heard” thought delay.  And then it seems like the moment is lost.  Sometimes a lifetime of being treated as though you don’t matter keeps your voice silent.  Resentment begins to build in your body like a water heater on full throttle.  It is times like that when you need to find a safe zone to let off some steam.  Some people do well with releasing anger through physical exercise.  Others need to vent to a friend.  Whatever is your preferred method, use it. 

When you release your anger, it subsides and you are able to look at the situation more clearly.  You will give yourself the opportunity to replay it in your mind and develop a new response to future situations.  Practice what you would say if it happens again.  If it is a situation or a person that can never be resolved, share your feelings with a trusted friend.  Venting is healthy.  Wallowing in it is not, because that is with the intention that you don’t want to resolve it in any way.  Venting releases the toxic anger that could cause you illness or erupt in harm to something or someone.

Heat-seeking missiles cause destruction and you don’t forever want to be known as a nuke.

Love, Love Me Do

parrots-3427188_1920“You know I love you. . .” The Beatles, 1963.  Love is very important to our existence.  Whether it is from a spouse, partner, parent, child, friend or even your pet spider, everyone wants and needs to be loved.

We are all lovable children of the Creator.  Every single human being on this planet was created as a lovable, beautiful, miraculous person regardless of their path in life.  Every human is capable of giving, receiving, and deserving of love.  EVERYONE.

In the spirit of cleaning up your life, let’s look at romantic relationships.  Things need cleaning and maintenance to work properly, and so do relationships.  If you don’t put gas in your car, it won’t go anywhere.  If you don’t put time and energy into your relationship, then it might not go anywhere either.

Think of maintaining your relationship like a seesaw.  One person sits at the opposite end of the other, and facing each other.  You begin the movement of the seesaw, and it is a continuous back and forth movement to maintain a balanced load.  If one person forces the movement to stop, the other is basically left hanging in the air.  If they are the stronger person, they are in control.  Unless the one in the air jumps off.  A good seesaw partner contributes to the movement and maintains balance.

balance-2108025_1920How does your romantic relationship serve you?  Do you have a good seesaw partner?  Are you one?  Relationships are rarely the lust-filled, love-you-til-death with my every breath, as you read in paperback novels.  Like a seesaw, relationships have their ups and downs.  A good relationship is supporting and accepting.  No one deserves to be physically, emotionally or verbally abused. Ending a relationship is devastating in so many ways.  Aside from the emotional death you experience, many people are left financially strapped.  Children also suffer.  If you are in a bad relationship and are staying for your children, they experience as much of an emotional assault as they would if you left.  Too often, children become the battleground over which parents play out their non-maintained relationships.

Sometimes a little tending is all it takes to get a relationship back on track.  How about date night?  Busy life?  How about giving each other a half hour of uninterrupted attention each day?  No electronic devices; just face-to-face talking about your day or maybe your dreams.  If you can create together, you can do anything together.  Too tired for sex?  Snuggle up and go to sleep like that.  Simple touching will activate those feel-good chemicals and many little problems will just fade away.  Share all the chores, including children.  Have a joint bank account for the household and then each have a separate account for some spending money (with no justification).  These are the things that most people fight about.  Remember, two people came into the relationship, it takes two people to maintain it.

But most of all, just Love, Love Me Do.

Un-Friendly

adult-3702076_1920Continuing with the “clean it up” theme, it is time to look at your relationships – namely friendships.  Hopefully by now, you have cleaned up your possessions and did some internal releasing of negative beliefs.  If you want your life to keep moving in a positive direction, you will also need to evaluate who you are hanging out with.

Good friendships have a give-and-take balance.

Are you the go-to person for everything?  Nothing wrong with that, if it pleases you, and you aren’t doing all the work.  Do you have a friend who calls you all the time to complain about whatever, but isn’t there when you need to chat?  You might want to reconsider answering the phone.

What about the friend who always wants to go to lunch, but you are stuck with the tab?  Or they come to your house for dinner and never bring anything.  Better to eat alone then be someone else’s pantry.

Maybe it’s the fun, but crazy friend who always calls you to go clubbing.  Yet, their drunken antics cause you no end of embarrassment and may have almost gotten you arrested.

How about the one who always delivers back-handed compliments?  “That’s a great color on you, but pants are so much more slimming than that pencil skirt.”  And then you see her the next day in the skirt you didn’t buy.

Why do you need these toxic people in your life?  You, the kind-hearted person who’s always there with a ready ear or hot bowl of soup.  Ditch the b*tch and open your heart to the wonderful, fun, nice and reciprocal people who are out there.

You deserve someone who supports you.  You deserve someone who cares about you.  You deserve friends who are like you.

Because, you are not unfriendly.

Write Yourself A New Story

pencil-918449_1920If you have been following my posts, you will know that the focus has been on “out with the old, in with the new”.  If you have been following the suggestions, then you will have not only a clean garage, but a lighter heart.  If you did the soul-searching work, you probably landed on old soul wounds and possibly victim mentality.  It is time to re-write your victim’s story.

Let’s say you had a difficult childhood, or someone emotionally wounded you.  That sh*t can stick with you for life!  Too often, trauma of some sort leaves a deep soul wound that takes a long time to heal.  If you even go there at all.  It’s necessary, if you would like to break old patterns and have a happier life.

If you have experienced severe trauma, I highly recommend seeking professional help.  Even if your trauma wasn’t severe, you might be the type who prefers to work with professionals rather than doing it on your own.  I am not a doctor, but I have worked through childhood issues and it is the best thing I have ever done for myself.  I utilized professional help and I did an enormous amount of work on my own.

Allow the feelings.  Write them down.  If you want, write a nasty letter to the person who harmed you and then burn the sucker (the letter, not the person).  Accept that you are human, that negative feelings are okay, and allow yourself to have them.  Just don’t wallow; that’s what we are trying to get rid of.

Now step back and pretend you are Spock from Star Trek.  Get all logical and look at the situation without feelings.  Was your interpretation of the event beyond how you felt?  If you were a child, did you maybe make up things about the event through the eyes of a child?  No judgement, just facts.  If this was a repeat of a previous event, are you adding an extra layer onto this event?  Can you put your perceptions aside to look at the event as it really occurred?  This is not to say you have made anything up; just that our perceptions can make things appear different.

Can you forgive yourself for being a participant in the event?  No, you may not have consciously chosen this, but too often we are too afraid to stop what is happening.  So the best thing to do is to hug yourself, forgive your younger self for being caught in the event and promise yourself that the adult-you will take care of you from now on.

Can you open yourself to the possibility that the event may have been to help your spiritual growth?  Let’s say your father abandoned your family when you were a child.  Your soul wound was that your father didn’t love you and it created the belief that no man would ever love or support you.  All your romantic relationships were with men who were emotionally unavailable and unsupportive of you, thus reinforcing the belief that no man would ever love you.  Let’s say in your last relationship, your partner had a blatant affair with another woman and it nearly wrecked you.  What if this was the Universe trying to get your attention?  That maybe this man did you a favor by making you feel so bad you felt compelled to do something about yourself?  To finally heal your soul wound that your father didn’t love you.

Can you write yourself a new story?

Like attracts like so your belief will bring only this type of man into your life.  When you change your belief to one that says You Are Lovable, then your outer world will reflect that.  When you begin to love yourself, and know that you are perfect in all ways, you will shine that out like a beacon.  You will attract similar people, who love themselves, and are capable of loving others.

So how does your story go?

Hindsight Gives You Further Vision

rear-view-mirror-835085_1920It is the end of another year and we are reminded to look back to see what the year brought us.  How do you feel about this past year?  Was it productive, crazy or blissfully mellow?  Or just an up and down roller-coaster of them all.  While it is not productive to dwell upon the past, looking back can help you see your future.

 

At times we need to look back even further and do a life review.  Now, no beating yourself up over this, just take a review.

Think over the difficulties you have experienced: situations, events, people.  These are the things that shaped you.  If you struggled through them and persevered, then you gained strength and wisdom.  If they are still kicking your a$$, then it is time to face your fears and accept that this is the hand you were dealt at the time but in no way is it the game.  Toss in those cards, take the loss and go find another game.  You get nowhere by staying at the table.

If you want to become a strong person and own your birthright, you must face challenging times.  You need personal power in order to achieve what your soul calls upon you to do.

Next, think over the times of success, achievement and what made you downright happy.  Again look at situations, events, and people.  What about these things caused you to feel good?  Was it love, delight, or completion of something?  What about this do you value most? 

Difficulties and delights contrast each other so you can focus on which ones bring you further along your path, and in your desires for your life.  Learning how to navigate through the difficulties gives you the motivation for achieving your desires.

Take some time to do a life review.  Look closely at the positive times and set intentions, and maybe goals, to increase them in your life.  Make an effort each day to include more positive thoughts or actions.  The more you focus on the positive, the more you bring into your life.

And then you don’t have to worry about silly new year’s resolutions, because you have already resolved them.  Happy New Year!

Saturn Ran Rings Around Me

saturn-67671_1920Saturn Return.  If you have read anything about astrology, you will know what that means and it might stir up dreadful feelings.  If you have heard of the 27 Club, you will also know what it means.  (The 27 Club is the group of musicians and others who didn’t make it past their 27th birthday.)

Saturn takes 27-29 years to move through the astrological signs.  It begins when you are born, and whatever sign it is in will set up challenges and opportunities for your life.  Saturn is the sign of structure.  It defines boundaries, responsibilities and commitments, but can also be limiting and restricting.  It is quite adept at revealing our weakest links.  But if you use Saturn’s transits, the rewards can be great as you can achieve your highest dreams.

When Saturn makes its returns in your sign, it can be tumultuous.  If you haven’t gotten your sh*t together by then, it will force you to do it.  Saturn is the ultimate taskmaster.  The first go-around is the call to leave adolescence behind and learn to support yourself.  Resisting that push will have you living in your parents’ basement and doing chores for an allowance.  Avoiding it altogether might get you dead.  If you can embrace it, you open doors to create the life of your dreams.  “Okay, Vanna, I’ll take Door #2, the one covered in gold.”

The second Saturn Return occurs between the ages of 57-60.  It can also be especially painful, as it is Life Review time and when your mortality becomes visible.  “Why are we even here?!” will scream loudly inside your head.  Unfulfilled dreams will roil inside your guts, demanding to be released.  Throw up or throw down the gauntlet and get them going.  Start small, make it big or make it little, just do something to settle your tummy or you might just wither away.  Sounds depressing.  Saturn can do that if you get fixated upon the negative or let other people dictate who you are.

 

 

Saturn was in Capricorn when I was born.  Capricorns are known for their work ethics.  They are responsible and practical.  My Sun Sign is Leo.  Leos are courageous, kind, generous and loyal.  You put those two together and you have someone who takes care of everything.  Yep, that’s me.  Saturn returned to Capricorn on December 19, 2017 and will remain there until March 21, 2020.  I am up to my eyeballs in Saturn’s rotation and it has kicked my a$$ this past year.  It hasn’t helped that most of the other planets went in and out of retrograde too.  Being it Capricorn, it has been all about work and responsibility.  While it has taken me down due to the nasty people I’ve dealt with, it also propelled me to complete an enormous amount of projects and new ways of doing things. 

It really does make you look at your mortality too, not that I feel I’ll check out anytime soon.  It’s more in how you have lived your life and what purpose that is.  I look at all the work and all the people I’ve taken care of and wonder “what for?”.  I just read a line in a novel that said something like “you have to go back to where you came from in order to understand where you are going.”  Hmm.  Of course, the first thing that came to mind was being unwanted and my mother’s treatment of me.  But as I relived some of that, my thoughts also were that it made me strong, resilient, and capable.  I could have wallowed in anger, became a sponge, and limited myself.  Instead, I went to college, worked my way up the work ladder, bought homes and cars and whatever else I needed.  I wouldn’t call myself wealthy, but I have a nice home, a lifestyle I enjoy, a good partner and the ability to retire.  I wouldn’t have that if I didn’t heed Saturn’s call.

Still, looking forward is intimidating.  I know that my path is to learn how to play.  It makes me anxious thinking about it.  Seriously?!  Yeah.  I’ve surrounded myself with things that encourage play, yet I so very rarely allow myself time to enjoy them.  That’s pretty sad, but I betcha there are a lot of you out there that could say the same thing.  But I’m taking it to task and I’m going to learn how to have fun instead of working to death.

Maybe I’ll play a little ring toss with Saturn.

Update: I just read on the news that Saturn is starting to lose its rings.  Getting a little taste of its own medicine?!

The Holy Grail

goblet-3652113_1920
Pixabay: bluebudgie

“You have chosen wisely.”  I am reminded of the scene in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” (Lucasfilm Ltd, May 24, 1989) when Indy crawls into the cavern after surviving a series of challenges and encounters an immortal Knight Crusader.  He then watches the bad guy guzzle from a jewel-encrusted chalice and then shrivel to dust, while the aged Knight states that he had “chosen poorly”.  Indy picks a crudely-hewn mug, scoops up the Holy Water, guzzles it down and feels nothing, or so he thinks.  The Knight approves his choice and Indy goes on to save his father and gets the rest of the team out and on down the road.

The Holy Grail is said to have been the cup that Jesus the Christ drank from at the Last Supper and then later held his blood.  Arthurian literature imbues the cup with miraculous powers.  The term “holy grail” is often used to denote an elusive object or goal that is sought after for its great significance.  (Wikipedia)

Theology and legends aside, what if the Holy Grail and all the variations of its cups represents the choices in our lives?  If each one of us had a different set, number of, shape, size, contents or whatever to choose from for our own quest?  With the ultimate, and perhaps elusive, goal of returning to Spirit.

The cups might represent opportunities or challenges, and we could try any or all of them in our journey through life.  Would you choose wisely or poorly?  I’m sure we would all pick wisely if we knew what the cup held.  Would you automatically choose the glitzy, jewel-encrusted, gold goblet that could hold a gallon?  Or does the moldy looking mug with green slime boiling out of it intrigue you?

When you look at a cup do you view it as half full or half empty?  Do you always choose the ones with the crack?  Do you mix it up and pick a different one each time?  Do you fill your cup or do you suck down every last drop?  Does it taste sweet or sour and nasty?

Life is a quest, a journey through time and experiences.  It is your quest, with your choices.  And only you can decide if you have chosen wisely or poorly.

You’re Stuck in the Pit of Misery, and You Hate Bud Light

il_340x270.1363166986_24kw[1]With all the chaos and negativity running rampant in the world, it is difficult to keep a positive state of mind.  Dilly-dilly, seems pretty silly when you try to focus on the Light.  Or is it Lite.  (poorly written puns, I know, but thus is the state of my mind)

All silliness aside, I’ve had my share of dark times this past year.  I have a stressful, highly responsible job managing a government department’s funds.  I don’t mind the work, just the demands that go with it and the difficult people with rigid ideas.  I have had a skirmish with someone who decided he knew more about my work than I do, even though he has never done it, much less asked any questions.  It is an ongoing issue, with his passive-aggressive attempts to make me look bad.  He has enlisted a couple others in his quest, who love to make demeaning remarks in group meetings.  Lest you think I am delusional about my skills, I have grade A reviews accompanied by high compensation.

Alongside these passive-aggressive attempts to demean me, these people also want to suck all the knowledge out of my brain and automate everything I do.  It is crazy-making and I am beyond ready for retirement.  My manager does the best she can to defend me, but she is also taking hits from these people.  I have no idea why this is occurring.

It is bad enough, that my sweetie thinks I need anti-depressants.  I won’t even self-medicate with alcohol.  It doesn’t help though, when we get into these repetitive conversations about family members, ex-spouses and our past history.  I have literally felt as though I have been sucked down into the oubliette, otherwise known as the Pit of Misery.  (horrible place, really, look it up)  Enough so, I am considering prescribed meds. 

This morning, however, I woke into a different frame of mind.  I told him that we need to have a cease-fire on such depressing topics, unless it is necessary or relevant.  Such as, I can discuss my work if only to explain why I come home mad.  All of the other is behind us and, instead, we need to talk about how we want our life to look.  None of the rest of it serves any purpose.  He was totally with me on this.

I have a bit of a theory on this, personally anyway, because of my age.  The 2nd Saturn Return occurs during your late 50s.  The first one occurs around age 27 and, well, you’ve all heard of the 27 Club.  Serious sh*t.  The 2nd one ain’t no picnic either.  It’s Life Review time, people, and you might be staring down the hole of the P.o.M.  If you haven’t healed and released your sh*t yet, it’s going to come crawling out of that dark place you’ve stored it and poke you right between the eyes.  What are you gonna do about it and how are you gonna live the rest of your life?  Do you want to stay in the sh*tpile or do you want to shovel it out of your way?  (just remember, sh*t makes flowers grow)

You don’t have to know every single detail of how you want your life to flow from here on out.  Start with today and set the intention that you are improving your life.  Stop talking about the sh*t and focus on the good stuff.  Can’t get past that?  Call upon the Universe for help.  Ask for help with more positive thoughts.  Ask for a peaceful day.  Ask to be protected from a$$holes.  Ask for a good parking spot at the grocery store.

Ask for a pretty mug to pour your Bud Light into so you can toast your peaceful day.

That Which Does Not Kill Us, Makes Us Stronger

arnie-920x584[1]A quote attributed to the German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche.  It was also used in the movie “Conan The Barbarian” starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, released May 14, 1982.  In the movie, Conan’s family is killed when he is a child.  He grows up, training to be a warrior so he can then ultimately avenge his family.

Sometimes the best revenge is just setting yourself free from those who have harmed you, but ultimately it is to become stronger from the experience.

I was recently discussing a situation that had happened a number of years ago.  It had to do with extremely disrespectful behavior from a distant family member.  In short, their behavior towards me was to snub and ignore me at every possible opportunity.  At the time, I wasn’t really in the emotional space to blatantly tell her to “f*ck off”, although she really deserved that.  I harbored the resentment and suffered through it.  Time passed and I have since been able to tell my story, have the situations acknowledged and gained defense on my behalf.  Her punishment, if you will, has been to lose favor and attention.  Something that pisses her off more than anything.  I refuse to have any contact with her, and she is not allowed in my home, and this is respected by my sweetie.  We can’t cut her off completely, due to the complicated family dynamics, but she doesn’t get her Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving either.

I never did anything to deserve this treatment, which is acknowledged and defended by my sweetie.  If anything, I was kind and thoughtful of her from the very beginning, even when she acted anything but.  She’s rude and mean and that’s that.  And yes, I’m still pretty pissed at her for her actions.

What I have come to realize is that I can be thankful for the way she acted.  Because of her, I am stronger.  The various encounters taught me that I do not have to be someone’s stomping ground.  My feelings, my very self are important and I MATTER.  I don’t get to be beat up by anyone any more.  I picked up the sword of Conan to avenge myself.  A sword doesn’t need to be used to hack someone’s head off.  I sword says “I am protecting myself.  I am strong and powerful, but I am a peaceful warrior until I am harmed.  Then you will suffer my wrath.”  (Again, without the severing of heads, although that can be done metaphorically.)  

Even though we are spiritual beings, it is important to remember some truths.  Looking for the good in everyone does not mean you should be blind to their faults or allow them to misuse your kindness.  Some people are just inherently mean and you don’t have to suffer them.  Protecting yourself and being assertive is a spiritual practice.  Saying No to peoples’ demands and bad behavior is honoring yourself.  If you don’t honor yourself first, you cannot honor someone else.  You cannot fix people.  When you stand your ground, people will learn to respect you even if they don’t like you.

And, whatever doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger.

Un-Masked

man-1461448_1280Happy Halloween, Samhain, All Saints Day, All Souls Day, Day of the Dead and whatever else you might celebrate on this magical evening.

October 31st has long been known as the time when the “veil” to the unseen is lifted.  In other words, the opportunity to be more psychic.  For those of you non-believers, consider it the time your inner bullsh*t detector is activated.  However, since the time of December 21, 2012, the veil has been getting ever thinner.

The un-masking is taking place.
Awful people can’t hide anymore.  They’ve held their tongue for too long and now the dirt is rolling out.  They can’t hold back and their actions are giving away their inner demons.  The world is their stage and they are acting out.

It’s a very volatile and scary time here on Planet Earth.  Battle stations, ready, from our surrounding planets.  No wonder they keep going retrograde, anything to stay out of the line of fire.

Take heart, while all the sh*tty people are alive and stirring up trouble, the really good people are also coming out of hiding.  That shy, sweet server at your local restaurant.  The neighbor across the street who watches out for your home while you are away.  A coworker you shied away from because they were very reserved.  These kind people are also pulling off their masks and standing up for others.

Light always overcomes the dark.

It will be a battle for a while yet.  More fighting, more awful news, more everything.  But for each and everyone of them, comes another who will stand up and demand what is right.

Because the Light always overcomes the dark.