I Showed Up

work-47200_640Have you noticed the increasing lack of empathy, courtesy and service amongst people around you? No one seems to care. No one wants to put out any effort. And there is an enormous amount of entitlement going around.

Whatever happened to good old-fashioned work and attention?

You need a service call for some equipment that isn’t working properly. If you can get someone to answer the phone, they don’t really give a sh*t about your problem. “When the guy gets out of bed, he can be at your house sometime between 10:30 am and 4:00 pm.” And then usually shows up at 4:05. If you are working or have family responsibilities, that just screws up your whole day. Especially when the guy says he doesn’t have the right part and will have to come back next week, but it might not be him ‘cause his day off is Tuesday and that’s when the part comes in.


You are in the checkout lane, waiting, because two of the clerks are having a party over their cell phones.

office-620823_640The employee that strolls in at 9:00, goes into a meeting to get their daily coffee and bagel fix, checks email at their desk, wanders around the building chatting with the other slackers, leaves for lunch, goes to the gym, comes back at 3:00 and has to leave early. Remember the “Merry Old Land of Oz” song? Those same people come in with their newly minted $200k college degree expecting the top of the salary range too.

The neighbor who thinks grass will mow itself. Or driveways are to park their car – permanently.

What is wrong with people? Are we supposed to BOW because You Showed Up?

cashier-1791106_640I can only speculate that it is because peoples’ lives have become meaningless. I’m all for technology and innovation, but it is too often used as an excuse not to do anything. Directionless, meaningless, uselessness. Translates as a Totally F*cking Boring Existence. No wonder so many people are doing drugs. We are getting dumber by the hour.

Start small. When you wake up in the morning, give yourself a goal. What one thing can I do to bring a smile to someone else? One smile will lead to another and you’ll feel so good that every day will be about being in service.

And you won’t Just Show Up.

IT Is Not An Earring

earring-2591496_640Have you ever stopped wearing pierced earrings and after a time the hole grew shut? Maybe you had three or four in each ear and decided you didn’t want that many anymore. Maybe you just decided you didn’t like pierced ears after a time. Earrings are a fun and beautiful accessory that can be enjoyed.

Sex is not earring. If you don’t use IT, the hole will not grow shut. You might think that when you are in your menopause years. Your body is changing and maybe sex is not what it used to be. Our inner tissues get thinner and drier and that can make sex painful. Enough so that you would rather just quit and let the hole grow shut.

man-3221066_640Sex is enjoyable and healthful for you in many ways. If you do not move your joints the fluids surrounding them do not lubricate them properly and then you have pain. Same thing Down Below. Using IT keeps it healthier and lubricated. Plus all the brain chemicals and hormones that get generated during sex keeps you happier and healthier.

If you are experiencing a lot of pain, talk to your doctor. There are many options that can help. If you are in a relationship, SHARE your issues with your partner. It will help prevent them from thinking that you are not interested in THEM. Try different things with your partner. If penetration is too painful, try oral. Invest in a Battery Operated Boy, otherwise known as BOB. BOB can be your friend if you are not in a relationship. Just do not give up sex because it is painful.

You are still a sexy, beautiful woman. Be that! And put the earring back in.

Not My Monkeys

monkey-474147_640You know them, the people that seem to hang around your neck wanting you to fix everything for them. They’re charming, they’re funny, they are almost child-like and they have this mysterious way that convinces you to agree with what they want.

They are not your Monkeys.

If you say no or you don’t have time, they up the ante. “But you are so good at it,” and you get sucked in. If you still say no, the guilt trip comes, “you don’t care about me,” and maybe they’ll bring up an illness so you get alarmed. If you are tough enough to get past that, watch out, as their temper will rival a three-year-old’s and you will get burned.

They are not your Monkeys.animals-2025376_640

Every time you get sucked into someone else’s sh*t that you don’t have the time or the resources for, you take away time for yourself to work on what matters to you. You’ll feel tired. You’ll feel resentment. You’ll feel angry, and you might not even like that person very much.

So why do you have those Monkeys on your back?

It’s difficult to tell people No when you are a kind, helpful person. Those are really good character traits to have so don’t try to replace them with nastiness. You just need to learn how to put yourself first. After all, those Monkeys are good at putting themselves first.

Monkeys can pick their rescuers out of a crowd. They have an uncanny ability to zero in on the one – or three – people out of fifty that they can work to their advantage. Don’t be one. It is not selfish to put your needs first. It is only selfish when you do it to the exclusion of everyone else – like the Monkeys.

Practice saying no. If you don’t feel good, don’t agree to go to the grocery store for the Monkey. They have two legs and two arms. (Now I’m not including truly handicapped persons as Monkeys.) A two-year-old is not a Monkey. Well, yes they are, in a different form when they are trying to climb up the kitchen cupboards to the cookie jar on the top shelf.

Your needs are important and should always be attended to first. Not entitlements, but self-care, things that derive income, and things you are passionate about. When you are happy and fulfilled, you will have time and energy to give to others.

Just don’t give in to Monkey Business. Let them find another circus.

When You Learn How To Love, You Forget How To Hate

valentines-day-3124846_1280 - CopyI was recently reading a fiction novel, and the heroine was still burned by the fact that she had caught her [now ex-] husband in flagrante delicto with another woman and then discovered he’d taken $15,000 in cash from her. It was the evening of a well-attended house party, and she proceeded to toss him out on his a$$ – bimbo included. Thus earning her a, I think, well-deserved reputation as a ball-buster. At least until the rest of the story’s characters learned the truth.

Many people, myself included, have had to deal with a cheating spouse. At the very least it is unpleasant, and perhaps did us a favor. (Yay, me.) At the very worst, it is devastating to the point of life changing and shuts off the avenue of receiving love.

As we approach Valentine’s Day, there are multitudes of reminders for acknowledging those we love. Love makes the world go ‘round, so they say, or at least the cash register. But the one we should love first is ourselves.

I believe that when we pass on, we won’t be greeted by some ancient fellow peering over the top of his readers at us, quill ready to write upon some scroll as he states “what have you done with your life?” No, I truly believe that we will be greeted by some kindly soul who inquires “how much did you love?” and reaches out with a hug.

As humans, it is so easy to shut off the flow of love. Whether it is our upbringing or situations, we can become damaged from love relationships. Fear of more pain is the first line of defense. This just causes more damage because we shut off the flow of love from the Universe. Our soul pulls back, pulls in and builds a brick wall around it to protect us from some perceived hurt. We can no longer connect with the Universe and the unending, unconditional outpouring of love that would literally fill our heart and soul with more than we can imagine. It never ceases, it never lessens, and it will never cause you pain.

love-3141228_1280 - CopyTake a big step and find a quiet space by yourself. Talk to the Universe. Pour out everything that hurts. Hand it over on a big platter. Ask the Universe to fill you with love. ALLOW IT. Do this every day until it becomes a habit. When your heart is constantly full, it becomes easier to give it to someone else. They can never take it away from you or empty you. Whether your relationship is fleeting or for a lifetime, you will always be filled with love.

So when you are asked “how much did you love?” you can answer “endlessly”.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing

wolf-in-sheeps-clothing-2577813_1920My last post about Uranus got me thinking about bullies. Uranus in Aries seems to have brought many of them to the forefront. We can recognize these bullies as the aggressive, in-your-face sort, but what about the hidden bullies?

I’m speaking of the passive-aggressive type or wolf in sheep’s clothing. The ones that sneak up on you and bite you in the a$$, but don’t leave a mark.

When I was in grade school, there was a mean little girl who was just that kind of bully. She was all nicey-nice and wanted to be everyone’s friend. Then she started this game that I [now] call “victim of the week”. She would choose one of her “so-called” friends and decide to pick on her. She’d gather up the rest of the group and fill them with some sh*t or other about how awful that girl was. Then the taunting and poking and chasing went on, sometimes lasting the entire week if the kid was tough. The main goal was to reduce the victim to tears. I filled the victim role several times until I figured out that the goal was crying. So guess what, folks, the minute I realized I was the target I bawled like an Emmy winner.

Maybe, I too, was the bully.

aggression-656795_1280We encounter these wolves in our everyday world. They tend to be the sweet, shy ones in the corner that speak in a soft childish voice. But oh, if you cross them, they’ll hiss like an angry cobra. They want their way, but don’t have the balls to ask politely and honestly for what they want. Cross them and their pouting is legendary. They have a knack too, for knowing what your triggers are. Mine tends to center around abandonment so I usually get some form of “if you don’t do what I want I will leave you”. Sirens go off in my head and too often I have found myself giving in, giving too much and putting my needs and boundaries in the toilet. And sad to say, I left some of those people before they left me, but the reality of that is that they never would have because why let go of a handy victim/martyr?

I haven’t completely adapted my behavior yet to not get worked up by these wolves, but I have stopped myself from running away. I read something that when you are dealing with a difficult person who wants something that you are unwilling to give, is to just give them more of what they want. Huh? Sounds counter-intuitive, but that’s the point. For example, if you are in a relationship and the other person keeps saying they want more space, quit fussing about it and give it to them. Take yourself out of their presence for extended periods of time. They’ll get damn sick of their own company right quick. Maybe in the workplace if you have someone that’s always threatening to leave if they don’t get more money or whatever, then maybe offer to write a reference letter. Or go all passive back and say “well I won’t stand in the way of anyone wanting to better themselves”. Screeeeech!cat-2201460_1280

Stand up for yourself, don’t engage in the drama, because no one should ever be able to pull the wool over your eyes again.

Uranus – It’s Always About Some A$$hole

uranus-11626_640Yep, I’m going a little astrology on you. It is not as hokey as it sounds. Think of what happens during a Full Moon, people tend to go all nutty on you.

Uranus is the planet of unexpected change and some of it might not be what you would like in your life. This planet moves through the astrological signs every 7-9 years. Prior to 2011, it was in the sign of Pisces – murky, water energy – and you will recall tsunamis. In 2011, it rolled into Aries – the sign of the Warrior – and will stay there until May 2018. Fires, anyone? Think about all the hotheaded, name-calling, angry, finger-poking that we see in the media. It is certainly a time of unexpected change.

The good thing, to call it that, is that Uranus will teach you – and push you – to be flexible, creative and maybe a bit revolutionary in your life. Uranus also rules technology so notice how the media is directing the world.

How does this affect you? You can do some research to determine how Uranus affects your sign. It would also be healthy for you to see what anger issues might be triggered in you by all the events. Look beneath the surface for the areas in your life that need healing. If a bigger stage is your calling, perhaps taking to social media – gently please, we don’t need any more name-calling battles, there is too much already – might be a way for you to reach out. (This blog was birthed October 2017.) Enough calm but determined voices can begin to heal the planet, along with yourself.

So what a$$hole do you need to vanquish?

Incidentally, Uranus will be moving into Taurus in May bringing with it some grounding, stabilizing energy.  Whew!


Amazon: Star Trek Fan Collective – Klingon2001 (DVD)
Remember Klingons?  The warrior race on Star Trek that Captain Kirk battled with and then later evolved as crew with Captain Piccard.  Seriously tough beings.  I think they are now disguised as hockey players.

The other Kling-Ons are also known to you.  Those toxic people that suck the life and energy out of you with their constant problems.  The ones they never want solved. They show up as family members: “what are WE going to do about Mom?”  WE means YOU.  And you get the excuses: “you live closer”, “I have to work” and the clincher: “you are soooo capable”.  You’ll recognize them in your friends.  The ones that call you all the time, keeping you up half the night, complaining about their husband or boyfriend, their kids, their job or whatever. And when you offer up a suggestion, their response is usually “you just don’t care about me”.  And then there is that coworker (or several), who are always SO overwhelmed yet always manage to take a day off every other week.

These people are energy vampires.  Their skill is seeking out kind, helpful souls upon whom they can pour out their problems.  Once they start, they literally sink an energy tube into you and begin draining your time, energy and sometimes money.  Got a chronic pain that won’t go away?  Does it get worse after you are in contact with a toxic person?  That’s where the tube is attached.  You have to stop the feeding frenzy.

The good news is that these energy tubes can be removed.  A wonderful, magical, metaphysical tool is using your hands as a sword.  Move your hands up and down and all around your body, envisioning them as a sword cutting away all those energy sucking tubes.  Slicing them right off.  And NO, you won’t cut off the important ones such as your connection to the Creator or the loving ones connecting you to your children or partner.  Love energy cannot be removed.  Once you have sliced and diced, take a deep breath and see how you feel.  You should feel lighter and your energy should be returning.  If you still have an ache, slice at that area until it feels released.  If you have dealt with that person for many years, those cords get very thick and take a few whacks to get rid of them.

Do not be surprised if you hear from that person in a very short period of time.  They can energetically feel that you have cut them off.  Do not answer the phone, text or email.  If possible, go for a walk, take a bath or shower, or paint the living room to keep your hands away from that device.  They can WAIT.  You need to take care of yourself.  Practice saying “No” so when they call with another demand you can say you are too busy.

And you will be, because you are going to start watching every episode of Star Trek and Boldly Go Where No One Has Gone Before. . .into your drama-free life.

He Loves Me, I Love Me Not

Did you ever play that game with a flower and pluck the petals off? If only relationships were that simple. We have invested a lot of time and effort in the romantic world: obtaining, maintaining and sustaining. We could make it easier on ourselves and it starts within.

Romantic relationships are the ultimate mirror. Whatever we feel about ourselves gets reflected back to us by those we love. And us to them. So how much do you want to be loved? Unconditionally? Nearly unobtainable in the human world. We are here to grow our spirit so those mirrors are necessary to take us beyond just our reflection in them. If you want a fully loving relationship, you should become that person you want to love you.

What parts of you do you believe are unlovable? That is only based on your belief system. The Creator placed you here as a beautiful, lovable child. The Creator ain’t no slouch so that has to be true. Look in the mirror and see yourself as completely lovable. Tell yourself that: “I Love Me”. Hug yourself. Treat yourself as you want to be treated. The more you do this, the more it radiates out to others and they will mirror back the lovable you. Imagine what your romantic relationship looks like when you are lovable. Pure joy radiates from people who believe that they are lovable. They can light up a room. YOU ARE LOVABLE!

So don’t be surprised if there is a candlelight dinner waiting when you get home. And rose petals, with He Loves Me written on them.

Authenticity Part III – Grow A Pair

It takes a great amount of courage to step into your authentic self.  Especially if this is out of your “normal” way.  Your Ego immediately kicks in.  It drags its nasty self out from behind your head and parks itself on your shoulder.  And the dialogue begins.  “What makes you think you’re so special?”  “Why do you think anyone would be interested in You or what you have to Say?”  “You aren’t capable of doing that.”

SIGH.  Don’t give in to it.  You gotta tell the b*tch to shut up, grab it off your shoulder and stick it behind your ear.  Keep going, because nothing wonderful ever happened if you let your Ego rule the show.  It is all about your happiness and not the Ego’s control.photography-2754902_1280Some things could be fulfilling a long-ago wish.  When I was a teenager, a bunch of schoolmates went around with their 35mm cameras taking photos of everything.  I wanted to be one of them, but wasn’t given the opportunity.  But now, I just bought a really nice camera and can’t wait to take it to the streets and capture real life.  My fashion shoots have also been a dream fulfilled.  My college years included modeling and a professional photo shoot, which I also didn’t get to do.  (I knew modeling wasn’t a reality – I’m 5’1″ – and okay with that.)  Still, if it is something you are meant to do your other Inner Voice will continue with a subtle, persistent nagging.  So just do it!

It also takes a great amount of courage to put yourself out on social media or in some other way in the public eye.  I don’t have a Facebook account, but there are people I follow.  I have heard of the “trolls” that hang out there and write nasty stuff.  No Sh*t!!  Trolls might be too gentle a word.  A$$-ripping T-Rexs might be more accurate.  Good grief, people, if you don’t like the site – why are you there??!

To be fair, I have not experienced any of this here.  I am very thankful to those of you who have been reading and following my posts.  You all have actually Liked them!

Being authentic and stepping out there does not require anyone’s approval or opinion, it is all about doing something that pleases your soul.  You need to ignore the negativity – it’s not about you, it’s about them.  However, when you have the support of someone it sure is easier.  My sweetie doesn’t read my ramblings, but he supports what I am doing and he has been my photographer.  We’re having fun too.

So be brave, get out there and please your soul.  And support each other.   Rock on!

Tribal Right

You have probably heard the expression “Beyond The Pale”.  It relates back to villages and having their boundaries defined by stakes or fences.  If you stepped beyond the pale you were stepping outside acceptable behavior, quite often resulting in being alienated from your village.  And then suffered from the shame of abandonment even if you found another village that accepted your different behavior.fall

Abandonment takes root at the very core of our self.  Loss, shame, unworthiness lurk at the edges of our consciousness and affect every area of our life.  If you want to live your best life, you will need to address these issues.  Abandonment is TRAUMA and possibly Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  Find a therapist who specializes in this, and possibly trained in EMDR techniques to help you release this pain.

Trauma buries itself in your psyche and resurfaces every time you encounter a similar situation to the original action.  Long-term re-activation can cause you to develop illnesses and possibly chronic disease.  Do not live your life in pain and loneliness.  Seek out a tribe to regain your sense of belonging.

Women thrive when they have a tribe.  Collectively we become more powerful and can accomplish a great deal.  Being powerful radiates beauty.  Having a positive version of a “do not f*ck with me” attitude actually draws people to you.  It just means that you love and respect yourself.  Who doesn’t want that?

Including the rest of your tribe.