Look Within

The lockdowns of 2020 have forced us away from friends and family. We’ve been muzzled and distanced to prevent conversations and physical touch. Many of you are alone. It’s heartbreaking and unnecessary. It might be necessary, but not in the way you think.

When I am disturbed by something, I search within to see both sides of the issue. I think the mass separation was to assist every being into looking within themselves for what they need, be it faith, truth, resilience, creativity, healing or whatever. The answers are always within you and never outside of you.

I have spoken often of the Great Awakening, humanities shift into a better way of living. That of heart-based and service to others. The release of greed, corruption, poverty, evil, egomania and other negative behaviors. A time that has been foretold and coincides with the Conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn on December 21st. Although no one really knows, it is projected that we will experience a great burst of energetic frequency that jumpstarts our path to higher living. I don’t view this as frightening or that a bunch of people will be struck down. Rather a lifting us out of heavy, negative energy. Please, God, make it quick.

What is important about the forced aloneness of 2020 is our inner healing work. Our frightened Inner Child has been screaming and having meltdowns – exactly what we need to realize what is triggering us. What has activated your tantrums this year – relationships, money, work, housing, the list is long? The repetition of the issues indicates the area(s) of your life that you need to heal. Do you want to keep reliving your crap over and over like a bad movie – or do you want to resolve it and move forward into the New Earth? Your issues may be related to the collective. Maybe it’s a family legacy or maybe just a neighborhood issue. Every step in your healing clears those connections and in all directions in time.

I know my personal pattern is with romantic relationships. I have always attracted emotionally unavailable partners with narcissistic tendencies. Ouch. Yes, I realize this and know that I am over-giving until the point of saturation and then my coping behavior is to ditch the relationship and run. Only to repeat the pattern. Admitting this is the first step to healing. Over the past month, my inner work has revealed to me a similarity in the women of my family. Out-of-wedlock or unwanted pregnancies and then lack of support by the fathers was a common theme. I was the result of this and chose not to have children for fear of perpetuating poor parenting. The root issue for me and the other women of my family is lack of self-worth. That our value to men was what we could do for them or what was between our legs. It may sound as though I hate men. I don’t. Like attracts like, so they too must have experienced patterns in their lives that taught them to be unavailable or unworthy of love. I may have attracted my partners in order to affect their healing too. Whether that happened, I don’t know and it’s not for me to know. Only my wounds are my responsibility.

So how does one begin the healing journey? First, name the trauma. Acknowledge that you experienced it in order to grow your soul and learn how to love yourself. Second, feel the feelings. Stuffing down pain and resentment just keeps it locked into your cellular structure, and it will keep erupting until you do. Connect with your Inner Child. Ask what It needs. Apologize for not honoring those needs, but that – you as the adult – will take care of and provide everything. Accept that your parents were incapable of providing for you, but forgive them for their own wounds. Nurture your Inner Child. Look at your family history and see if there is a similar pattern. Grieve for the wounding of all. Forgive them for not honoring their needs. These actions will help shift the negative energies and transmute them.

Begin to cultivate the Divine within you. Absolutely know that Divine Creator would not make someone flawed, only someone strong and capable of great learning and experiencing. You are a Divine Child of God. You are absolutely worthy of love, abundance, prosperity, peace, happiness and every other good thing you can imagine. It is all there waiting for you as YOUR DIVINE RIGHT. You have only been led to believe you are unworthy. When you can acknowledge all that is within you, you will look within for what you need. When you can act as if it is yours, you will see it manifest into your physical reality. This is all coming to each and every Divine Soul on Earth so it is important to release whatever holds you back from living a beautiful life. Take your alone time and do the inner work. I promise you it will worth it.

Good Grief

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Image by John Hain from Pixabay

We are going through a collective change as our planet moves into a higher frequency of light energy. Changes are happening and more are coming, but they will lead us in a better direction providing we do our inner work. Spirit is guiding us every step of the way so listen to your guidance.

It is interesting that the COVID-19 virus is affecting the lungs and breathing. The word “Spirit” originates from the Latin word spirare, which means to breathe. Slow, deep breathing helps us to access Spirit. If you read Louise Hay’s book “Heal Your Body” (1982, Hay House Inc), the mental causes for lung issues are: depression, grief, fear of taking in life, and not feeling worthy of living life fully. Unresolved grief lives deep within the lungs, and we are collectively being challenged to face our shadows. Grief is not limited to death and dying, but any unresolved emotional pain.

Healing grief can be a painful task, but trust me on this, it is worth every tear you shed. About 13 years ago, my life was in shambles. I was going through a divorce with a verbally abusive alcoholic, the country was starting its economic recession so we were forced to stay in our house for a year and a half until it sold at a loss. My relationship with my mother was never very good, but it got worse. I allowed people to take advantage of my kindness and hard-working ethics. Basically, I hit bottom. I kept asking myself why I let this constantly happen. So one day, I stripped myself naked and stood in front of my full-length mirror and took a good look at myself. What was I lacking? What was wrong with me? I mentally catalogued my physical faults and then did the same with my personality. And then came the behavior patterns. I didn’t like them. Then I made myself catalogue all my good stuff. I knew that I was basically a good, kind-hearted, generous woman, but my boundaries and lack of self-worth made all that look weak. I was determined to change. And I did.

It took about five years of intensive self-work. I did most of it myself, but I know that is not for everyone. I love to read and research, and by doing so, cements the knowledge in my brain. I learned to love myself. I learned that not having contact with my family stopped the mind-f*ck dialogue I had to endure. I learned how to be my own mother, by nurturing my lost inner child. I learned how to allow people to help and support me. I learned how to say No. I cried a lot. Sometimes deep, lung-burning sessions that I thought would never stop. I grieved for what I lost and what I never had. And you know what?

It worked.

Trust me on this. It worked. I am not the same person I was ten years ago. I am content with my life, and most days I feel joy within. I am in constant connection with Spirit for guidance on my best life. If it weren’t for Spirit’s guidance, we wouldn’t be living in our house across the street from a beautiful urban lake and within walking distance of groceries and take-out food, all of which is allowable during our current stay-at-home status. I know that my energy frequency is ascending, and it will help me hold the light of Divine Love within my heart in order to assist with raising the frequency of the planet.

As I write this, I can feel the healing energy spreading. If you would like to increase the healing energy, do your grief work. Use this time of rest and retreat to face your inner demons. Nurture yourself as you would a newborn baby. Allow yourself to grieve for whatever losses you have faced and maybe are now facing. Letting it wash away with your tears can only be good grief.

A Whiter Shade of Gray

senior-3336451_1920In the last several years, there has been growing popularity in older women and men being chic, fascinating and featured in magazines. Well, why not? Older people have this “been there, done that” attitude and are going to continue doing what they want. Old does not mean slow, stupid or even about to die.

Our bodies are aging, each and every day. We know that. Yes, our brains do too, but that does not equate to being senile. We have a wealth of experiential knowledge that helps us to make quick and powerful decisions. We are no longer burdened by the “image” society has picked for us. We can sky-dive if it so pleases us. We can get married when we are in our 90s. If we want to wear florals, stripes and sequins all in the same outfit, so be it. “Insta-Grannies” are all the rage now. I won’t list them, because by now you will have seen, read or are following most of them.

Is this a fad that will slowly fade away as many of these icons pass on? A fad is something that gets worn out and loses its appeal. If we are all aging, then we are all fads. So why not be so individually cool that you never outlive your time?

active-cyclist-elderly-264073What these ultra-cool elders are really showing us is that you must keep going and growing in order to live your best life. Having your 60th birthday, or whatever age you deem to be old, is not an automatic indicator that you must now move to an assisted-living facility and wear Velcro shoes. A continually stimulated brain will spur you into stimulating your body. Walk, dance, climb, hike, swim, sky-dive, whatever challenges you want to place upon your body – just go for it. Be safe; just because you can do it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care for your body. Our muscles don’t recover as quickly as they used to, and our bones aren’t as strong as they used to be either.

barca-473854_1920Are you a widower and think that because your spouse of 50 years is gone, you should just sit alone in your tiny new apartment? Au contraire, my friend. Loneliness will kill you faster than your one martini with dinner. Why not a companion to share that martini with? There is no social demand that you be married. Living in sin, if you call it that, is far more fun than withering away by yourself.

Many seniors become entrepreneurs. Done with the working-for-someone-else world, many active adults start new businesses built upon hobbies or passions. We have a lifetime of skills and workplace savvy to make it lucrative.

How about a little Botox, sculpting, or other cosmetic enhancements? False eyelashes and eyeliner aren’t just for the 20-something set. Whatever you choose to make yourself look and feel better should be just to make yourself feel better, and not about what anyone else says.

old-2742052_1920Growing older isn’t an easy thing. The changes in your body can be very frustrating. The lapses in memory are annoying. Don’t let them overwhelm you. Be kind and loving to yourself. Use them as opportunities to slow down and savor the moments of each day. You now have time to do all the fun things you put off while you were working and raising children.

You might even have time to go sky-diving with your grandkids while wearing your new purple-sequinned jumpsuit.

The Mating Game

butterfly-743549_1920Spring is teasing us with 70 degree days. Pasty white skin is showing beneath shorts wrinkled from winter storage. Straw hats and sunshades are getting dusted off. We’ll need those polarized specs to ward off the glare from the snow that will still make itself known before the earth heats up.

Spring brings flowers and flowers get crafted into beautiful wedding bouquets as young couples tie the knot in a ritual as old as Spring. Love, hope and promises swell the heart as they shout out their vows. Then begins the ritual of learning how to live together in peace and cooperation.

Statistics being what they are state that not every couple stays together. Sometimes it is big issues, those red-flags that were ignored in the heat of desire. A person will tell you everything you need to know when you first meet them so pay attention. When you are older and the sexual part of your relationship is in the waning stage, then you want to be best friends with your spouse. Too many good relationships end over power struggles that can be prevented.

Most couples fight over responsibilities and money. I have found some solutions to these issues that have worked well. First of all, share responsibilities. If one of you works outside of the home and the other in the home, SHARE responsibilities. It is very easy to have the homebound person take on most of the duties, but they are working too. Taking care of a home and children IS work. If one of you is a better cook, then the other can do the cleanup. Most resentments revolve around one person feeling that they have the bulk of responsibilities, usually housework. ASK for help when you need it, don’t expect that the other person can read your mind or will just pitch in. Ladies, this will help you avoid getting mad so ASK him.

In terms of money, the best way to avoid most fights is to have different bank accounts. Have a joint account that pays for housing and its upkeep, food, travel or any other thing that is shared. Put in an equal amount, even if you earn unequally. For example, if you both put in 80% of your income, then it is fair and equitable even if one of you makes $5,000 a month and the other $8,000 a month. The person with the higher income will put in more, but at still the same percent. Then you each need a separate personal account for discretionary money. You will have money you can spend for things you enjoy without harming either your living costs or having to justify to the other person. Just remember, do no harm. So if one of you smokes, then you aren’t using shared money to purchase them. The non-smoker doesn’t get to judge the spending either. Although I don’t recommend smoking as a spending habit. But before any expenses, be sure to save a portion of your income each month. You will want to retire someday and, trust me, you will be glad you did.

Your mating dance can last a lifetime. Patience, acceptance, cooperation and lots of laughing go a long way. And the occasional disco twirl on a warm spring day.

Soooper Bowl Sunday!

football-3814958_1920It is almost Kickoff time and by now, most people are drunk, stuffed with food or wide-awake and ready for the game.  Whether you are rooting for the Rams, the Patriots, or the “ahem” Saints (sorry guys) a fun time is sure to be had by all.

Remember boys and girls, it is a game to entertain you this afternoon and not something worth driving your car off a cliff for.

They say traffic is especially bad after a Sunday football game loss.  People get way caught up in the NFL, and why not?  It is millions of dollars of revenue for many companies.  Do you think about buying Budweiser when you see a cute Clydesdale colt romping around?  Or do you develop a taste for Doritos?  Whatever your pleasure or poison, the advertising will have you thinking about a purchase.

And then there is the legendary “star”-studded (you sure that was a malfunction?) half-time entertainment.  I doubt anyone will forget the beautiful purple rain of Prince.  R.I.P.

What is it about the Super Bowl that compels us so?  Aside from just sports fans, I think it is fun and excitement in the midst of winter.  If you can’t afford a beach getaway, a championship football game is one way to take your mind off artic weather and piles of snow.  Although it is 61 degrees in Denver today.

Maybe you don’t care about football at all.  Okay.  Maybe you are stuck at work and hope for a few moments to check the score.  Maybe you got carried away and put down a bet (make sure it is legal) and are worried that you might not have enough to pay the rent.  Shame, shame, fun stuff always comes AFTER necessities.

How ever you are spending the day, just remember that winning always comes from putting in the time and effort and the belief in yourself.  Go team!

Love, Love Me Do

parrots-3427188_1920“You know I love you. . .” The Beatles, 1963.  Love is very important to our existence.  Whether it is from a spouse, partner, parent, child, friend or even your pet spider, everyone wants and needs to be loved.

We are all lovable children of the Creator.  Every single human being on this planet was created as a lovable, beautiful, miraculous person regardless of their path in life.  Every human is capable of giving, receiving, and deserving of love.  EVERYONE.

In the spirit of cleaning up your life, let’s look at romantic relationships.  Things need cleaning and maintenance to work properly, and so do relationships.  If you don’t put gas in your car, it won’t go anywhere.  If you don’t put time and energy into your relationship, then it might not go anywhere either.

Think of maintaining your relationship like a seesaw.  One person sits at the opposite end of the other, and facing each other.  You begin the movement of the seesaw, and it is a continuous back and forth movement to maintain a balanced load.  If one person forces the movement to stop, the other is basically left hanging in the air.  If they are the stronger person, they are in control.  Unless the one in the air jumps off.  A good seesaw partner contributes to the movement and maintains balance.

balance-2108025_1920How does your romantic relationship serve you?  Do you have a good seesaw partner?  Are you one?  Relationships are rarely the lust-filled, love-you-til-death with my every breath, as you read in paperback novels.  Like a seesaw, relationships have their ups and downs.  A good relationship is supporting and accepting.  No one deserves to be physically, emotionally or verbally abused. Ending a relationship is devastating in so many ways.  Aside from the emotional death you experience, many people are left financially strapped.  Children also suffer.  If you are in a bad relationship and are staying for your children, they experience as much of an emotional assault as they would if you left.  Too often, children become the battleground over which parents play out their non-maintained relationships.

Sometimes a little tending is all it takes to get a relationship back on track.  How about date night?  Busy life?  How about giving each other a half hour of uninterrupted attention each day?  No electronic devices; just face-to-face talking about your day or maybe your dreams.  If you can create together, you can do anything together.  Too tired for sex?  Snuggle up and go to sleep like that.  Simple touching will activate those feel-good chemicals and many little problems will just fade away.  Share all the chores, including children.  Have a joint bank account for the household and then each have a separate account for some spending money (with no justification).  These are the things that most people fight about.  Remember, two people came into the relationship, it takes two people to maintain it.

But most of all, just Love, Love Me Do.

Write Yourself A New Story

pencil-918449_1920If you have been following my posts, you will know that the focus has been on “out with the old, in with the new”.  If you have been following the suggestions, then you will have not only a clean garage, but a lighter heart.  If you did the soul-searching work, you probably landed on old soul wounds and possibly victim mentality.  It is time to re-write your victim’s story.

Let’s say you had a difficult childhood, or someone emotionally wounded you.  That sh*t can stick with you for life!  Too often, trauma of some sort leaves a deep soul wound that takes a long time to heal.  If you even go there at all.  It’s necessary, if you would like to break old patterns and have a happier life.

If you have experienced severe trauma, I highly recommend seeking professional help.  Even if your trauma wasn’t severe, you might be the type who prefers to work with professionals rather than doing it on your own.  I am not a doctor, but I have worked through childhood issues and it is the best thing I have ever done for myself.  I utilized professional help and I did an enormous amount of work on my own.

Allow the feelings.  Write them down.  If you want, write a nasty letter to the person who harmed you and then burn the sucker (the letter, not the person).  Accept that you are human, that negative feelings are okay, and allow yourself to have them.  Just don’t wallow; that’s what we are trying to get rid of.

Now step back and pretend you are Spock from Star Trek.  Get all logical and look at the situation without feelings.  Was your interpretation of the event beyond how you felt?  If you were a child, did you maybe make up things about the event through the eyes of a child?  No judgement, just facts.  If this was a repeat of a previous event, are you adding an extra layer onto this event?  Can you put your perceptions aside to look at the event as it really occurred?  This is not to say you have made anything up; just that our perceptions can make things appear different.

Can you forgive yourself for being a participant in the event?  No, you may not have consciously chosen this, but too often we are too afraid to stop what is happening.  So the best thing to do is to hug yourself, forgive your younger self for being caught in the event and promise yourself that the adult-you will take care of you from now on.

Can you open yourself to the possibility that the event may have been to help your spiritual growth?  Let’s say your father abandoned your family when you were a child.  Your soul wound was that your father didn’t love you and it created the belief that no man would ever love or support you.  All your romantic relationships were with men who were emotionally unavailable and unsupportive of you, thus reinforcing the belief that no man would ever love you.  Let’s say in your last relationship, your partner had a blatant affair with another woman and it nearly wrecked you.  What if this was the Universe trying to get your attention?  That maybe this man did you a favor by making you feel so bad you felt compelled to do something about yourself?  To finally heal your soul wound that your father didn’t love you.

Can you write yourself a new story?

Like attracts like so your belief will bring only this type of man into your life.  When you change your belief to one that says You Are Lovable, then your outer world will reflect that.  When you begin to love yourself, and know that you are perfect in all ways, you will shine that out like a beacon.  You will attract similar people, who love themselves, and are capable of loving others.

So how does your story go?

True Grit

Whether you prefer the original, 1969 film version with John Wayne and Kim Darby or the exceptionally well-done remake with Hailee Steinfeld and Jeff Bridges, the message is the same: having true grit.

What is True Grit?

The simplest of the definition is firmness of mind and unyielding courage.  Some people would call this stubborn or hard-headed.  Well, yes, but what is so terrible about that?

If something you are doing or want to do is important to you, and it is not illegal, immoral or unethical, then you should stand your ground and pursue it.

The character in the film, young Mattie Ross, was determined to avenge her father’s death and obtain what was stolen from her family.  Nothing illegal, immoral or unethical about that.  Well, maybe the fact that she was carrying a gun might have made it illegal, depending on the use, but certainly necessary for a young woman who planned this trek.

Mattie’s single-minded intent carried her through the film, no matter renegade lawmen, high water, creatures or outlaws.  She stood her ground even when she was told that she was too young, too small, and well, female.  Her courage and unrelenting determination won her the respect of the two men she was partnered with on her quest.

Most everyone needs a good dose of true grit.  When you do something appropriately, in service, and with integrity and someone attacks you (not necessarily physically), then you need to stand your ground and defend yourself.  No one has the right to demean you or make you feel less than who you are.  No one has the right to silence you or invalidate your values.  No one has the right to push you into doing something that crosses your value system.  Defend yourself, even if it means putting yourself on center stage.  You matter.  Your values matter.  Your integrity matters.  No one can take that from you, but they will learn to respect you.

If center stage is scary for you, call upon your inner Rooster Cogburn and let fly with “fill your fists, you son-of-a-b*tch!”  I can almost guarantee that they will back down.

Me Who?

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I hesitated to write this article for fear that it would come across as a political and/or hate-filled rant, so I decided to address it from my own experience.

 

I, too, am a victim of sexual molestation.

 

The first time was when I was 13, and the second at age 16.  Both times were perpetrated by a family member (not the same one).  The first event was more profound and many of the details are as clear in my mind today as they were at 13.  Do the math, I’m 58 now.  Trauma imprints details indelibly on the brain.  Why do you think it is called Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder?

I don’t remember all the details, just specific ones.  I don’t remember the exact day or time.  It was a hot, sunny summer afternoon.  I specifically remember the where, the who, the jeans I was wearing and exactly what occurred.  And I remember the secondary event that followed the next day.  I remember feeling that I was mature enough (at 13?!) to handle the situation and that I could stop it.  Some bizarre part of my brain felt sophisticated.  I even remember asking the perp if he had done this to his younger sisters.  Yes, really.  I don’t remember his answer, nor do I really want to speculate.  I’m not the judge of that.

The emotional whirlwind that came after has followed me to this day, even as I write these words.  Initially, there was a mind-numbing sickness due to some books he showed me of perverted acts.  Shame, fear and even guilt that I had somehow caused this.  Ridiculous as I was 13 and he was an adult.  Now I know that as Person in a Position of Trust and could have put him in jail.  I couldn’t tell anyone; my family life wasn’t very supportive.  At some point, I mentioned it to my grandmother without really telling her anything and her reaction was something like “I don’t want to hear this.”  So I lived with the shame and fear until sometime in my forties, when I decided that I needed to make changes in my life.

Sexual molestation creates life-long damage.  My sexuality suffered.  I experienced difficult relationships with men that played out from deviant behavior to smothering.  When I finally acknowledged my pain and did the healing work, I was able to enter into a relationship with a man who helped me find my sexuality in a normal, natural and loving way.  My sweetie is a good man.

There are hundreds of thousands of women AND men like me, who are ashamed and afraid to speak out.  Many have and I hope many more will.  Imagine the global healing, and hopefully change this will create.  The trauma will always be with you, but doing the healing and therapy work brings acceptance within.  You must do the grieving.  You must forgive yourself for being in the situation and not being able to do anything about it.  Shame is very much about self-hatred; you didn’t take care of yourself.  Only then can you put the trauma in a neutral place.

Why do people perpetrate sexual molestation on others?  I don’t know.  There are plenty of theories.  Family conditioning, societal pressure, having been a victim and on and on.  How about “because I LIKE it”?  There are mean and predatory people in this world, who are not necessarily socio- or psychopaths.  When they are confronted, they deny or throw a tantrum like a spoiled child who got their toy taken away.  It takes an enormous amount of self-will not to get outrageously angry when I see antics like this.  The urge is strong to want to give them a swat on the a$$ like a tantrum-throwing child deserves.

However, I do believe in karma.

I was probably in my thirties when I heard through the family grapevine that the perp had an industrial accident.  Something hit him in the groin hard enough to blow out a testicle.  Feeling vindicated, I gave thanks that day and I really think that was what started me down the road to healing.

Karma can be a real bitch when she’s been wronged.  Allow her to help you heal.

He Said, She Said

silhouette-2480321_1280There is a lot of finger-pointing between the sexes these days.  No one is right, yet no one is wrong.  It appears to be battle of control, when what it really should be is a balance of power.

Energy must be balanced in order to flow.

In every effective relationship, there is a balance of feminine and masculine energy.  This is not limited to gender nor sexual preference.  Feminine energy is receptive and sensing-feeling.  Masculine energy is giving and thinking-doing. 

Women can be masculine energy, and that doesn’t mean that they look like men or lack femininity.  Likewise, men can be feminine energy and still look and act masculine.  It is only how the energy is processed.

I am a masculine energy, very feminine woman.  I have friends and acquaintances who are similar.  I am in a heterosexual relationship and am a total fashionista.  I am highly intelligent and get more sh*t done in a day than many people do in a week.  My sweetie is a feminine energy male, who is also very intelligent and a creative former ironworker.  He appreciates my forward thinking.  Neither of us is weak and neither of us is in charge of the relationship.  Because we have a balanced energy relationship, the energy can shift back and forth depending upon our needs, desires and skills.  Good relationships have this ebb and flow.

The problem comes from two same-energy people in a relationship.  Two masculine energy people will constantly fight for control.  Two feminine energy people will passively want their way.  In either situation, neither get their needs met nor get sh*t done.  Trying to pretend you are one type, when you are not, does not work either.  Just like coloring your hair, the dark roots will always grow out the blonde.  Why create more conflict to an already conflicted situation?

The first step is to acknowledge your energy type.  Forget the male-female, masculine-feminine typecast for a bit.  Ask this question instead: are you more offended if someone calls you stupid or if they call you ugly?  If being called stupid sets you off, then you are more likely masculine energy, whereas you don’t give a rat’s a$$ if they call you ugly.  You might also get irritated and impatient by people who cry all the time.  If being called ugly makes you cry, then you are likely feminine energy.  Your feelings are more important than whether or not you know how to calculate the return on investment.  Again, neither energy type is right or wrong.  Just learn to be happy with which one you are.  You will have a happier life if you do.

I almost wonder if what we are seeing in the world today is from real energy types finally emerging.  Perhaps the conflict is more from within and easier to project on someone else than to acknowledge what is.  Internal conflict can turn nice people into alien life forms from hell.  Figure out what type you are, but throw away the label.  The energy will settle down and fall into balance.

Because it is better to be happy than to be right.