When You Learn How To Love, You Forget How To Hate

valentines-day-3124846_1280 - CopyI was recently reading a fiction novel, and the heroine was still burned by the fact that she had caught her [now ex-] husband in flagrante delicto with another woman and then discovered he’d taken $15,000 in cash from her. It was the evening of a well-attended house party, and she proceeded to toss him out on his a$$ – bimbo included. Thus earning her a, I think, well-deserved reputation as a ball-buster. At least until the rest of the story’s characters learned the truth.

Many people, myself included, have had to deal with a cheating spouse. At the very least it is unpleasant, and perhaps did us a favor. (Yay, me.) At the very worst, it is devastating to the point of life changing and shuts off the avenue of receiving love.

As we approach Valentine’s Day, there are multitudes of reminders for acknowledging those we love. Love makes the world go ‘round, so they say, or at least the cash register. But the one we should love first is ourselves.

I believe that when we pass on, we won’t be greeted by some ancient fellow peering over the top of his readers at us, quill ready to write upon some scroll as he states “what have you done with your life?” No, I truly believe that we will be greeted by some kindly soul who inquires “how much did you love?” and reaches out with a hug.

As humans, it is so easy to shut off the flow of love. Whether it is our upbringing or situations, we can become damaged from love relationships. Fear of more pain is the first line of defense. This just causes more damage because we shut off the flow of love from the Universe. Our soul pulls back, pulls in and builds a brick wall around it to protect us from some perceived hurt. We can no longer connect with the Universe and the unending, unconditional outpouring of love that would literally fill our heart and soul with more than we can imagine. It never ceases, it never lessens, and it will never cause you pain.

love-3141228_1280 - CopyTake a big step and find a quiet space by yourself. Talk to the Universe. Pour out everything that hurts. Hand it over on a big platter. Ask the Universe to fill you with love. ALLOW IT. Do this every day until it becomes a habit. When your heart is constantly full, it becomes easier to give it to someone else. They can never take it away from you or empty you. Whether your relationship is fleeting or for a lifetime, you will always be filled with love.

So when you are asked “how much did you love?” you can answer “endlessly”.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

The Men In My Closet

I know that sounds kinky. It’s not. Not even remotely. Get your mind out of the gutter.

I confess I have an attachment to fashion labels. Yes, shallow and easily swayed by a name. There is quite a crowd in my closet and I love them all. Tommy, Louis, Christian, Brian, Marc, Manolo, Franco, Michael and some I’m probably forgetting. Sorry guys. There are women there too – Kate, Cynthia, Miucci and Anna. But it seems that men are really good at creating beautiful things for women, especially shoes. I am thankful for this.

Why do women need Men In Their Closet? Yes, we know we have fourteen pairs of black shoes. Yes, we wear them all. It’s fun and it makes us feel good. When I put on a favorite outfit, I feel like I’m getting an upgrade. I smile. I stand taller. I start my day on happy

feet. A great outfit can actually turn a sh*tty day into something tolerable. Sure I look in the mirror, but why not? If. It. Makes. Me. Feel. Good. It. Is. A. Good. Thing. And if I feel good and am happy, then it radiates out to everyone around me and they feel good. Bonus!

Let’s hear it for the Boys!

He Loves Me, I Love Me Not

Did you ever play that game with a flower and pluck the petals off? If only relationships were that simple. We have invested a lot of time and effort in the romantic world: obtaining, maintaining and sustaining. We could make it easier on ourselves and it starts within.

Romantic relationships are the ultimate mirror. Whatever we feel about ourselves gets reflected back to us by those we love. And us to them. So how much do you want to be loved? Unconditionally? Nearly unobtainable in the human world. We are here to grow our spirit so those mirrors are necessary to take us beyond just our reflection in them. If you want a fully loving relationship, you should become that person you want to love you.

What parts of you do you believe are unlovable? That is only based on your belief system. The Creator placed you here as a beautiful, lovable child. The Creator ain’t no slouch so that has to be true. Look in the mirror and see yourself as completely lovable. Tell yourself that: “I Love Me”. Hug yourself. Treat yourself as you want to be treated. The more you do this, the more it radiates out to others and they will mirror back the lovable you. Imagine what your romantic relationship looks like when you are lovable. Pure joy radiates from people who believe that they are lovable. They can light up a room. YOU ARE LOVABLE!

So don’t be surprised if there is a candlelight dinner waiting when you get home. And rose petals, with He Loves Me written on them.


Our beloved Denver Broncos are having a meltdown.  Dropped passes, fumbles, revolving quarterbacks and schemes that aren’t working.  From Super Bowl winning greatness to tough guys crying on camera and coaching staff out the door.  Such is the NFL.ice-cubes-1914351_1920

If you’ve ever had a meltdown – or a zillion of them – then I’m quite sure you understand what is happening.  Meltdowns are the product of not dealing with our sh*t.  Unmet needs, self-denial, over-hyped expectations all covered up with a stinking pile of apathy.  Until your body says: ENOUGH. And all Hell breaks loose.  Crying on camera seems pretty mild compared to the average meltdown.

Meltdowns are necessary if you hope to move on to better things.  Hopefully our Broncos see it this way too.  Your body very kindly overrides your monkey brain and takes care of business for you.  Shaking, crying, vomiting, other bodily releases is how you dump an overload of stress.  It’s called Detox.  Sure, you feel like sh*t when you are in the midst of it and then. . . whoa!. . .suddenly the world looks bright again.  Phoenix rising from the ashes.  Use your purge wisely and re-think the direction you are going.  It is the time to make serious changes.  Oh you will still have meltdowns from time-to-time, but it is normal and you will live through them.

After all, there will be another Super Bowl to win.

Daddy Do Right

Lately we are seeing many news stories about women speaking out about sexual assault from men. In many cases, it was from men in a position of trust or “father figure”. Sexual assault, abuse or exploitation are wrong on every level and should be brought out and dealt with appropriately. We know that it has been around for centuries, but maybe now is the time for this sh*t to be resolved and healed.

I wonder if we are missing a simple key to this problem. Biologically, men are wired to procreate often in order to perpetuate the species. Too often this drive is accompanied by dominance over or violence to someone. What is causing this? Could it be that men have a deep collective soul wound that can no longer be buried? One that started with the birth of humanity? Is it possible – that because men can’t grow life and give birth – that they feel inadequate to women and are afraid of our power and so they turn to dominance and violence to feel that they have power?

Maybe men fear our love more than they fear our hate.

I think we have here a huge opportunity for healing. Men have very strong and deep emotions. Perhaps if we teach them that feeling and expressing love is powerful, that strong women are supportive and not threatening, we might lessen the need for abuse. Mothers can teach their sons to be loving, and daughters can teach their fathers that girl power is still gentle.

And maybe, just maybe, we’ll begin to see balance and equality and a lot more love in this world.

Little Black Dress

Cocktail parties, candlelit dinners, dancing, a night on the town. Long, shoDress5 (2)rt, slinky, curve-hugging, revealing, full coverage. It doesn’t matter your shape or size, The Little Black Dress has been every woman’s go-to for looking her best.

The moment you slide into your favorite dress, you can feel your body change. A slight sigh, a soft smile, the arch of your back. You become more beautiful, more sexy, you ease into your feminine self.

Within the Heart of Femininity lies the Power of Sexuality. When a woman has sexual intercourse her body releases oxytocin, the pair-bonding chemical. She becomes connected to a man. Even a one-nighter can produce this chemical and leave her bonded to someone she should not or will not see again. This connection can last for up to one year. A woman’s heart must be engaged with a man before she has sex.

Dress1A woman can have sex whenever she wants, but a man can only have sex whenever a woman wants. Your power lies in heart-centered sex. Bond with a man mentally and emotionally before you bond sexually. Embrace your femininity so you feel sexy.

And slide into your Little Black Dress.

A Classic Beauty

One beautiful Saturday afternoon, my sweetie and I were sitting at an outdoor café enjoying a nice lunch. Someone driving a fabulously restored classic car – probably late 50s, early 60s, I don’t remember the model – pulled into a princess parking space right in front of the café. An older couple got out of the car and were seated at a table as close as possible to the car. We all know that when you have a car like that you want to keep an eye on it. However, the intriguing thing was that the man looked at the car almost the entire time they sat there. Now his companion was very attractive, but the car captivated his attention.

I’m not going to speculate on the status of their relationship or his profound interest in the car. That WOULD be purely speculation. I am focusing on the Classic Beauty of the car. In years, it is old. So are we. But someone took the time to restore the car and accentuate the best features. I had a peek into it when we went to our car. The interior was beautifully restored; the original upholstery was intact as well as all the mechanical parts. Think facelift without the plastic parts. I’m assuming that the engine and all the working parts had been carefully reworked.

We can be that Classic Beauty, too. Restore our parts, keep our engines well-oiled, our bodies nurtured and maintained and love every inch. Maybe our rear fenders are too big. Maybe we don’t sport the latest technology. Maybe we don’t meet someone else’s standards of what we should look like. If you love every inch of yourself, who the f*ck cares?

But I bet when you go strutting past, smile on your face, someone or someones are going to stop and stare. . .

And just a hint ladies: a man’s first attractor is always visual.


You’re mad again.  Your man just parked his dead ass on the recliner to watch another rerun of Seinfeld, leaving you to clean up dinner and take out the trash.  Why the hell can’t he get up and help you?Mutant_Female_61

Did you ask him?

Women have long made the mistake of assuming that because you are doing work that a man will just pitch in and help.  Get that thought out of your head and the anger out of your heart, because men DO NOT think like women.  Let me repeat: Men.  Do.  Not.  Think.  Like.  Women.

Mutant_Male_31Have you ever watched men working on a street crew?  One guy is digging a hole and three others are standing there watching.  A woman thinks they should all be helping.  Nah, he’s got this and he’ll ask if he needs help.  That is how they think.  If you need or want help you must ASK!

Let me clarify what asking means.  “Can you do this ____ for me?”  To a man, Can You means “are you capable?”  The answer is Yes.  He is capable.  Question answered.  If you want him to take action, you need to say “Will you/Would you do this ___ for me please?”  That will get your man to perform the action.

Oh, don’t roll your eyes.  How many times have you answered “I’m FINE” when he asked “Is everything okay?”

Trust me on this.  You have the power to do this.  When you learn to speak your man’s language, you will have a much happier relationship.  After all, he just wants to please you so he can go back to his Seinfeld rerun.  You know, the one that was the “greatest episode ever!”.