He Said, She Said

silhouette-2480321_1280There is a lot of finger-pointing between the sexes these days.  No one is right, yet no one is wrong.  It appears to be battle of control, when what it really should be is a balance of power.

Energy must be balanced in order to flow.

In every effective relationship, there is a balance of feminine and masculine energy.  This is not limited to gender nor sexual preference.  Feminine energy is receptive and sensing-feeling.  Masculine energy is giving and thinking-doing. 

Women can be masculine energy, and that doesn’t mean that they look like men or lack femininity.  Likewise, men can be feminine energy and still look and act masculine.  It is only how the energy is processed.

I am a masculine energy, very feminine woman.  I have friends and acquaintances who are similar.  I am in a heterosexual relationship and am a total fashionista.  I am highly intelligent and get more sh*t done in a day than many people do in a week.  My sweetie is a feminine energy male, who is also very intelligent and a creative former ironworker.  He appreciates my forward thinking.  Neither of us is weak and neither of us is in charge of the relationship.  Because we have a balanced energy relationship, the energy can shift back and forth depending upon our needs, desires and skills.  Good relationships have this ebb and flow.

The problem comes from two same-energy people in a relationship.  Two masculine energy people will constantly fight for control.  Two feminine energy people will passively want their way.  In either situation, neither get their needs met nor get sh*t done.  Trying to pretend you are one type, when you are not, does not work either.  Just like coloring your hair, the dark roots will always grow out the blonde.  Why create more conflict to an already conflicted situation?

The first step is to acknowledge your energy type.  Forget the male-female, masculine-feminine typecast for a bit.  Ask this question instead: are you more offended if someone calls you stupid or if they call you ugly?  If being called stupid sets you off, then you are more likely masculine energy, whereas you don’t give a rat’s a$$ if they call you ugly.  You might also get irritated and impatient by people who cry all the time.  If being called ugly makes you cry, then you are likely feminine energy.  Your feelings are more important than whether or not you know how to calculate the return on investment.  Again, neither energy type is right or wrong.  Just learn to be happy with which one you are.  You will have a happier life if you do.

I almost wonder if what we are seeing in the world today is from real energy types finally emerging.  Perhaps the conflict is more from within and easier to project on someone else than to acknowledge what is.  Internal conflict can turn nice people into alien life forms from hell.  Figure out what type you are, but throw away the label.  The energy will settle down and fall into balance.

Because it is better to be happy than to be right.

Sliding In To Home Plate

hit-1407826_1920
Photo: Pixabay – KeithJJ

I know nothing about baseball, nor will even attempt to make comparisons other than our Rockies have been in the news quite a bit as a wild card.  They will need to do a lot of sliding into home if they aspire to the championship.

You may have heard the expression that is something about life and sliding into home, worn out and used up.  Not to be abusing your body, but I think that is a damn good way to think about your life – in that you lived it to the fullest.  You can go to your grave with the pennant in hand, maybe even singing “We will, we will rock you!!”  (Shake it, Freddie!)

I talked to some friends the other day who are experiencing serious health issues.  They never thought life would come to oxygen and artificial limbs.  (Love you, P & T!)  I reminded my friend to think of how well they lived their life.  She agreed and she said they had a lifetime of fun.  In the 10+ years I’ve known them, I’ve had an enormous amount of fun with them and I almost think in those 10 years more fun than in the rest of my life altogether.  That’s kind of sad.  However, it was one of those moments that you view your life through someone else’s eyes.

She has poor health, but lived life to the fullest.  I have good health, but much of my life had small moments of happiness.  Who has it better?

Difficult to ponder, even as I write that.

I guess maybe it comes back to baseball.  I’m going to take a metaphorical swing at that, so forgive my sports ignorance.

Life is a game.  You step up to bat and you really never know if you’re going to score big or strike three and you are out.  Then what?  You could whack yourself in the head with the bat and take yourself out of the game forever.  You could spend some time in the outfield, catching balls that someone else drives to you, and occasionally send them back to the bench.  You could take time to study the game, better yourself, work yourself free of some bad habits and step back up to the plate.  This game is too much fun to give up on, and you are game enough to do it better.

So step up to the plate, extend that first finger to the outfield, swing that bat like you want to win the championship, and slide into home plate with everything you’ve got, because you are the champion of your life.

Oz-tober

halloween-512107_1920
Photo: Pixabay, Efraimstochter

Last night, Ozzy Osbourne played at the Denver Pepsi Center.  I didn’t go because it was a work night and I just can’t stay up that late anymore.

Ozzie and many other musicians have been out on epic tours, some for several years.  Why the significance as that is no different than any other year?  Because most of them are over the age of 60.  They are still out there rockin’ it and kickin’ a$$ long after the rest of us are snoring in our beds.

Some ask “why?”  “Do they need more money; don’t they have enough?”  “That’s old news.”  “Sick of that music.”  (Seriously?!)  Or “they are too old to be doing that”.  The reality is that they are out there doin’ it because they LOVE it.  Music is their passion, their reason for living.  They live to make music, play music and perform music.  And why not?

I recently saw a photo of Klaus Meine of the Scorpions that said “this is what 70 looks like”.  If that’s 70, then everyone should aspire to that.  70 is no longer seen as the bent-over, shuffling wrinkled person with overgrown nose hairs.  Check out Ari Seth Cohen’s “Advanced Style” and you will see photos of [yes, real] kick-a$$ older people living life to the fullest.  “Old is the New Black” is the motto.

Older people have had enough of being pushed aside, told what they can or cannot wear, think, do or anything else a bunch of under-experienced brats have decided.  Older people live, love, wear purple hair and have sex on a regular basis.

We are not dead yet.

It is a time to embrace your passions, to do the things that you barely had the time for when you were younger, to play, to have a loving relationship, to think, to feel, to honor yourself and speak out for what you believe in.

Or rock it at an Ozzy concert.  Just remember to wear your ear plugs.

Life’s A Beach

IMG_0510We just got back late in the night from Grand Cayman.  Got a little jet lag settling in along with the urge to eat.  Travelling is exhausting and I often wonder if the destination is really worth the effort.

Life’s a beach and you need to be on one.

IMG_0511Our flight from Grand Cayman to Charlotte was delayed for 2 ½ hours due to a bird strike on the incoming plane.  I know that is fairly common, sad for the bird and stressful for all the humans involved.  Fortunately, our connecting flight to Denver had a three hour layover so we made the connection with minutes to spare.  This is an all-too-common story and many of you have worse tales to tell.  Still it makes you begin to wonder if travel is worth it.

Life’s a beach and sometimes you’re not sure where it is.

IMG_0547Being the anxiety driven person I am, I really have to want the destination to go through the effort involved.  We had not ever been to Grand Cayman so we looked forward to the trip.  Beautiful beaches, lush vegetation and pretty homes dotted this little paradise.  Sunshine, palm trees, blue water, what was there not to like?

But something was lacking.  WTF?!  Am I crazy?  (I think we have already established that.)

I longed for home.

Haven’t you ever prepped and packed, lugged and carried, rode cars and trains and escalators and glides, stuffed you and your things into a tiny space, and endured the drone of the jet engine, all in a mad dash to get somewhere so you could relax?  And then when the cortisol wore off, all you wanted was to be back at home in your own bed?  I’m quite certain I’m not alone in this thought process.  Sometimes the best place to be is in your own home, your own space with your own little beach. 

So click your heels, Dorothy, because life’s a beach of your very own making.patio tiki bar

Rest and Digest

brunch-788499_1920Or not eating while you are stressed.  I’ve been reading a book “The Microbiome Diet” by Raphael Kellman, MD  (Da Capo Lifelong Books, 2014) and it is about getting your gut healthy to boost your immune system and lose weight.  Very helpful and a good read.

There is a section in the book that talks about eating while you are stressed and that your body says “we are at war and need to hold onto every last drop of food ‘cause starvation’s coming!”  (statement, mine)  I agree, because what do we so often do when we’re in squirrel-chasing mode but shovel in food.  Usually crap that makes you feel horrible in the middle of the night when your body gets around to deciding whether or not to digest it.

Stress can be blamed for everything.  Sort of like a younger sibling.  Only meaner.  And with red hair.

So you gotta stop, unwind yourself from the electronic device, breathe deep and then sit down to dinner.  Without the television or device.  When was the last time you actually sat down to dinner and had a conversation with the people in your house?  Try it sometime, they have interesting things to say and there will be happy tummies on the way.  Keep doing that and you might not have a group cold virus ruling your house this winter.

I’ve been yapping a lot lately about how busy I have been.  Got some of those outdoor chores done, and I just finished a big project at work.  So I finally have a slow day, and I don’t know what to do with myself.  Hah!  See what happens when you are a stress-activated junkie and you don’t get your fix.  Ya just get more anxious.  So I made myself relax and enjoy the peaceful day.  When I sat down to lunch, after my walk, I did it with the idea of enjoying my food.  It wasn’t the greatest choice of food, but I took the time to savor and chew slowly.  It seemed to taste better and my tummy isn’t protesting.

Digesting isn’t just limited to eating.  Accepting new ideas, behaviors, situations, or whatever also need to be digested.  If you allow yourself to relax, you’ll clear your mind to accept or have the wisdom to make changes.

And then you’ll have more time to relax and have dinner with those strangers that live in your house.

Droid-ful

p1135496_e_v8_ab[1]Are you one of those people (like me) who continuously feel responsible for everyone and everything?  It gets to be exhausting, not to mention it just pisses you off when other people blissfully let you do their work.  You get on this endless treadmill of work-work-work and you never seem to have any time for yourself.  But you do have time by yourself, you are on that treadmill alone.  How do you get off?

Maybe you don’t really want to.

You have the power, after all.  You are calling the shots, and yes, it is controlling and enabling.    But none of this really makes you a terrible person.  There are often deep-seated reasons for your actions.

Behind control lives fear.  You have fear and anxiety of what might happen if you don’t keep control.  You like, no Need, your environment to be a certain way.  People who have experienced trauma, especially childhood trauma, often use control as a coping mechanism to avoid repeating the trauma.  If you do things to make your environment safe, or take on other people’s responsibilities to keep you safe, then somehow this translates to not repeating the event or issue.

But you will never feel safe until you give up control to the Universe to guide the outcome.

Another aspect of controlling actions is energetic sensitivity.  Maybe you perform the duties of others just to avoid being around them.  You know, that crabby complaining-about-everything person you have to work with.  You’ll do anything to keep them away.  Or the flip side, an under-performer who is a really awesome person and you don’t want them to get fired.  Neither of which serves them or you.  You are just an energetic sponge.

How do you protect yourself from this stuff?

First of all, you must let people be responsible for their own stuff.  How will they ever learn to be self-sufficient and thoughtful of others if you continue to interfere with their life lessons?  You are here for your own, why heap their pile on top?  Stop enabling and suffer through the outcome.  The reality is that it is never as bad as you imagined.  Sometimes those people really pull through and just surprise the hell out of you.

Secondly, deal with the trauma.  You will never heal if you don’t.

Anxiety is just obsessing over an unknown future.  You could get hit by a truck tomorrow and it will be all over and look what you missed out on.  If you focus on the now and doing whatever you need to do in the now, the future will become the now.  Practice grounding.  Grounding into the Earth keeps you connected in the now.  Create an energetic boundary.  Imagine yourself completely surrounded by an egg-shaped light.  It should be about three feet outside your body.  Imagine that it is impenetrable except for only love-based energy, which flows in and out.  Know that you are safe and secure inside this light.  This is great protection for the energy sensitive.

And know without a doubt, if you ask, the Universe will keep you safe and give you red-flag warnings of action steps that keep you safe.  The Universe will also provide you with the best possible outcome for your highest good.

Me, I’m thinking of getting a droid.  Sort of a clone of myself.  I’m going to program it with all the nonsensical, enabling, controlling behaviors that rule my inner world.  Then I’m going to lie down on the sofa, take a nap, and dream up ways to make my world lesson free.

Calming The Zoo

squirrel-316022_1280Sometimes the endless chatter in your head can make you feel like running and screaming.  Whether it’s your monkey mind or squirrel brain, feeling overwhelmed can be like living in a zoo.

Today’s world is fast and endless.  Technology drives the pace and global media points the direction.  We are turned on and tuned in, when sometimes we just need to shut it all off.  How many times a day do you reach for your cell phone or other personal data device?  If we do shut them off, we become starved for the electronic hit like a junkie desperate for a quick fix.

Technology is amazing, no doubt.  You can consult with a doctor, or watch a video on how to scope out the toilet.  A lot of useful things, but with the consequences that everything should be “on-demand”.  Including our brains.  We fuel up with caffeine and sugar to keep up with the hype and then wonder why we can’t fall asleep at night.  Counting sheep has been replaced by chasing squirrels.

Is it any wonder why so many undiagnosed illnesses that are treated with a pill end up creating one?

You don’t have to unplug to calm the zoo.  Even hyenas take time to eat, sleep and play.

One of the easiest methods to unwind is to ground yourself.  Hug a tree (like, for real), walk barefoot in the grass, put your feet in water or just simply imagine a cord attached like a tail to the base of your spine and going deep into the earth.  None of these things will harm the earth.  Mother Earth is very willing and able to dissipate your yuck energy if you give it to her.  She can take a lightning strike with ease, so you are no big deal.  Remember to breathe deeply while doing this as it helps move the squirrel energy out of you much quicker.

Deep breathing is another way to calm your mind and help you think clearly.  No need to go to that oxygen bar and waste your money.  Deep breathing can be done in about five secs.

Faster than clicking on the latest Twitter feed.

Maniacally Depressive

upset-534103_1920I know they call it Bi-polar these days, but I’m not talking about a mental health disorder.  Disorderly, maybe, but nothing clinical.  Do you ever have those days when you feel so overwhelmed it makes you want to cry?  It’s enough to make you mentally ill.

I have a lot going on right now.  Summer is coming to a close and it is time to start preparing for cold weather.  We spent the last day in our little pool and it is draining as I write.  Now talk about depressive.  There are quite a few things to do to shut down the pool and patio.  The pool needs to be drained, cleaned, disassembled, folded up and put back into the box.  Hopefully.  You know how those things go.  The manufacturer uses some sort of air thing to suck all the molecules out of the plastic so it fits into a box half the normal size.  Then we crazy (and insanely determined) humans attempt to stuff whatever back into the container.

Maniacally.

I’m hopeful.

We’ll see in a day or two after the thing has dried out.  The filter needs to be cleaned and also packed away.  Innertubes deflated.  Floating bar deflated.  Then everything stuffed into a corner in the garage until Memorial Day.  Waaaaa!!

That’s just the first round.  In a few weeks, the rest of the patio gets undressed, tarped and pushed out of the way.  It took like three days to set it all up so we’ve got our work cut out for us.

Depressive.

Before long snow will be piled on top and I’ll be dreaming of the tiki bar.  The flower garden needs to be tended.  Weeds pulled.  Ornaments put away.  Bulbs ordered for fall planting.  Halloween gear unearthed from the crawl space.  (It’s a month long ordeal at our house.)IMG_0481

And all this while working, keeping up with household chores and maintaining a blog.  It’s enough to send me into a funk.

Or maybe just onto the sofa to watch football.  Anything to keep away the winter blues.

False Evidence Appearing Real

fear-2019930_1920Today is the 17th anniversary of the 9-11 attack, when terrorists crashed into the World Trade Center and brought death and destruction to many. I can look out my office window and watch emergency workers prepare for the memorial taking place in the community where I work.  I listened to Sammy Hagar’s song “Remember the Heroes” playing on the radio.

I remember the skies being silent that evening, no airplane contrails other than military jets on patrol.  A rather surreal silence, and underlying sense of unease because we knew not what was yet to come.   Disaster mobilized people into action and many heroes pressed through the smoke and debris to draw life from the rubble.  It was a day of shock for all of the United States, a day that changed many things forever.  A day that we all learned that Fear was a way of life.

What is fear, anyway?  In a lesser degree, it is the anxiety of not knowing the result of an anticipated outcome.  In a higher degree, it is allowing someone or something to have dominance over you.  Understandable, if they are holding a gun to your head.  When I think of fear, I think of the acronym:

False Evidence Appearing Real

Most often, fear is just that.  We believe something, we’re told to believe something, we make assumptions, we lack the knowledge or understanding of something.  I think ignorance is a great factor in fear.  Many equate ignorance with stupidity, but that is not always so.  Intelligent people can be ignorant, if they choose not to have understanding.  Ignorance can create hate too.  Refusing to understand someone or something with an underlying fear can totally erupt into hate.  And with 9-11, outright violence.

If you are afraid, ask yourself why?  Is it because you want control and feel you are lacking that?  How do you get control?  The only control you need is over yourself.  Your thoughts and beliefs are your own.  If you are afraid because you don’t know something, why don’t you ask questions?  Most people won’t get angry with you if you ask politely.  If not the direct approach, seek answers from other sources.  (Multiple sources, please, not just one social media posting.)  Knowledge is the best armor you can have.  It won’t protect you from everything and everyone, but it will keep your monkey mind from conjuring up more false evidence.  Knowledge helps to open your mind.  An open mind connects you to the Universe.  The Universe fills you with light and the more light we bring to the planet the less room there is for fear.

And fear will no longer be real.

Gone Viral

monster-426995_1920A couple of weeks ago, I came down with some sort of virus.  You know the kind, lack of energy, and just wanting to sleep.  With it came several days of internal rumbling and not too interested in putting food inside me.  Had no resulting weight gain, damn it.  It’s still lingering and I’m getting a bit depressed.

Or maybe it is just because summer is coming to an end.

Maybe I need some sunshine.  I could go outside, lie down on the sectional and take a nap.  Then I’d likely wake up with a sunburn on half my body, a-la Close Encounters.  (Please say you remember the scene when Richard Dreyfus looks out the window of his truck and, um, “sees the light”.)  I take vitamin D, so I don’t think I’m lacking there.  But then, sunshine always makes me happy.

Whatever the cause, isn’t it interesting the things our bodies do in response to an internal threat?  Often far better than the anti-virus software in your computer.  Without getting graphic, it is rather astonishing how the body goes into all-out war in eliminating the monster that invaded it.  I, and likely many others, am not very patient during the siege.  It takes a lot of effort to fight viral take-overs and the body likes to shut you down during the process.  I’m torn between sleeping and weeping.  Yesterday, I went shopping for a couple of hours, came home and washed the car, and I was just done for the day.  WTF.

It’s that time of year when viruses start gearing up for an attack.  Kids go back to school and we all know that is one gigantic bacteria factory.  You go to the doctor’s office and you get sick just breathing the air around the building.  Last year, my sweetie and I managed to avoid catching anything.  Yay!  I attribute that to our twice daily dosing of vitamins D, C, zinc sulfate and turmeric.  I had a bit of a sniffle in February, but it died off in a few days.

We owe it to ourselves and our Creator to take care of our bodies.  Eating well, sleeping, vitamins, exercise, play, relaxation and mindfulness.  Figure out what works best for your body and not just what someone else says.  Life is meant to be enjoyed and taking care of yourself contributes greatly to this.  Because if you don’t, you’ll end up with some mutated germ that wipes out half the planet.

And then you won’t be able to post some amazing video that Goes Viral.  You know, like that cat. . .