I Showed Up

work-47200_640Have you noticed the increasing lack of empathy, courtesy and service amongst people around you? No one seems to care. No one wants to put out any effort. And there is an enormous amount of entitlement going around.

Whatever happened to good old-fashioned work and attention?

You need a service call for some equipment that isn’t working properly. If you can get someone to answer the phone, they don’t really give a sh*t about your problem. “When the guy gets out of bed, he can be at your house sometime between 10:30 am and 4:00 pm.” And then usually shows up at 4:05. If you are working or have family responsibilities, that just screws up your whole day. Especially when the guy says he doesn’t have the right part and will have to come back next week, but it might not be him ‘cause his day off is Tuesday and that’s when the part comes in.


You are in the checkout lane, waiting, because two of the clerks are having a party over their cell phones.

office-620823_640The employee that strolls in at 9:00, goes into a meeting to get their daily coffee and bagel fix, checks email at their desk, wanders around the building chatting with the other slackers, leaves for lunch, goes to the gym, comes back at 3:00 and has to leave early. Remember the “Merry Old Land of Oz” song? Those same people come in with their newly minted $200k college degree expecting the top of the salary range too.

The neighbor who thinks grass will mow itself. Or driveways are to park their car – permanently.

What is wrong with people? Are we supposed to BOW because You Showed Up?

cashier-1791106_640I can only speculate that it is because peoples’ lives have become meaningless. I’m all for technology and innovation, but it is too often used as an excuse not to do anything. Directionless, meaningless, uselessness. Translates as a Totally F*cking Boring Existence. No wonder so many people are doing drugs. We are getting dumber by the hour.

Start small. When you wake up in the morning, give yourself a goal. What one thing can I do to bring a smile to someone else? One smile will lead to another and you’ll feel so good that every day will be about being in service.

And you won’t Just Show Up.

IT Is Not An Earring

earring-2591496_640Have you ever stopped wearing pierced earrings and after a time the hole grew shut? Maybe you had three or four in each ear and decided you didn’t want that many anymore. Maybe you just decided you didn’t like pierced ears after a time. Earrings are a fun and beautiful accessory that can be enjoyed.

Sex is not earring. If you don’t use IT, the hole will not grow shut. You might think that when you are in your menopause years. Your body is changing and maybe sex is not what it used to be. Our inner tissues get thinner and drier and that can make sex painful. Enough so that you would rather just quit and let the hole grow shut.

man-3221066_640Sex is enjoyable and healthful for you in many ways. If you do not move your joints the fluids surrounding them do not lubricate them properly and then you have pain. Same thing Down Below. Using IT keeps it healthier and lubricated. Plus all the brain chemicals and hormones that get generated during sex keeps you happier and healthier.

If you are experiencing a lot of pain, talk to your doctor. There are many options that can help. If you are in a relationship, SHARE your issues with your partner. It will help prevent them from thinking that you are not interested in THEM. Try different things with your partner. If penetration is too painful, try oral. Invest in a Battery Operated Boy, otherwise known as BOB. BOB can be your friend if you are not in a relationship. Just do not give up sex because it is painful.

You are still a sexy, beautiful woman. Be that! And put the earring back in.

Not My Monkeys

monkey-474147_640You know them, the people that seem to hang around your neck wanting you to fix everything for them. They’re charming, they’re funny, they are almost child-like and they have this mysterious way that convinces you to agree with what they want.

They are not your Monkeys.

If you say no or you don’t have time, they up the ante. “But you are so good at it,” and you get sucked in. If you still say no, the guilt trip comes, “you don’t care about me,” and maybe they’ll bring up an illness so you get alarmed. If you are tough enough to get past that, watch out, as their temper will rival a three-year-old’s and you will get burned.

They are not your Monkeys.animals-2025376_640

Every time you get sucked into someone else’s sh*t that you don’t have the time or the resources for, you take away time for yourself to work on what matters to you. You’ll feel tired. You’ll feel resentment. You’ll feel angry, and you might not even like that person very much.

So why do you have those Monkeys on your back?

It’s difficult to tell people No when you are a kind, helpful person. Those are really good character traits to have so don’t try to replace them with nastiness. You just need to learn how to put yourself first. After all, those Monkeys are good at putting themselves first.

Monkeys can pick their rescuers out of a crowd. They have an uncanny ability to zero in on the one – or three – people out of fifty that they can work to their advantage. Don’t be one. It is not selfish to put your needs first. It is only selfish when you do it to the exclusion of everyone else – like the Monkeys.

Practice saying no. If you don’t feel good, don’t agree to go to the grocery store for the Monkey. They have two legs and two arms. (Now I’m not including truly handicapped persons as Monkeys.) A two-year-old is not a Monkey. Well, yes they are, in a different form when they are trying to climb up the kitchen cupboards to the cookie jar on the top shelf.

Your needs are important and should always be attended to first. Not entitlements, but self-care, things that derive income, and things you are passionate about. When you are happy and fulfilled, you will have time and energy to give to others.

Just don’t give in to Monkey Business. Let them find another circus.

Hang Ten

surfer-2212948_640Ten toes gripping the edge of smooth, rounded wood.  Water rolling beneath you as you shift and sway to maintain your balance.  The water swells, carrying you up on the wave, riding the surf, controlling the board on so much power you feel as though you Are the water.  Then gradually it lessens, smoothes out and you glide towards the shore.

I guess I still have Hawaii on the brain since I’m writing about surfing. I didn’t try it, nor have I ever, too much water in the face for me.  I’m using it as a metaphor for life balancing.  There is a great amount of turmoil in the world; a little hard to keep up with, much less tolerate.  Even in my little world, it feels like waves slamming into me.  It hasn’t swamped me, but I’m feeling a little worn and frazzled.

surfer-863730_640My work life is a bit crazed.  We have new management, new leadership after a few months of slightly controlled chaos.  I equate it to someone left the gate to the zoo open and the monkeys got in with the giraffes.  Not a pretty picture.  I manage the money and there has been quite a bit of wanting lately.  No is not a popular word, but necessary at times.

girl-2660772_640Riding the waves of life can bring a lot of stress – to your mind and your body.  Occasionally, you will have a meltdown.  It’s okay, it releases built-up stress.  Some level of stress can be good as it propels you upward and onward with determination to conquer whatever it is you are tackling.  Like that big wave.  And when you do – Woohoo! – the rush of power makes you a little dizzy.  In a good way.

So when the waves coming crashing: Hang Ten, maintain your balance and ride it out.  There’s a margarita waiting for you on the beach.surfing-926822_640

Me, My Selfie, and I

OMG, I can’t believe how good my hair looks today. I should’ve worn different earrings, they don’t really match my dress. My lipstick looks off. And. . . HHOOONNNKKKK!!!! Well sh*t, another double caramel macchiato ruined.

Didn’t your mother tell you to look both ways before you cross the street? To watch where you were going?

christmas-1871085_640The Selfie Obsession is overtaking the world. Preoccupation with looks, clothing, jewelry and location-location-location has nearly gotten many people injured or killed.

I remember as a teenager and young adult being overly concerned with how I looked. I believe that’s quite normal as you are developing a sense of who you are and who you want to be. Much of that includes how you appear to others. It might have been hours in front of the mirror, making sure every hair strand was where it was supposed to be and your makeup was perfect. Then a pile of discarded clothes as you picked the perfect outfit. I began sewing at a young age so I could have choices that I liked.

As you get older, you have less time to fuss and begin to develop an acceptance. Sometimes you would look in the mirror and think “f*ck” and go anyway. Those moments weren’t always the best choice when you figured out later in the day that white underwear wasn’t necessarily the right choice to wear under white pants.

mirror-1138098_640Since the creation of those magical cell phone cameras, preoccupation with appearance has morphed into obsessive levels. I’m not sure I understand it since I think I have taken one selfie in my life and promptly deleted it. I’m not that excited about close-up photos. I think selfies have gone way beyond checking your appearance or sharing a moment with friends. I heard on the news that it has now been termed “Selfitis”.IMG_0195

Let’s examine that word. “Self” meaning your essential being. “-itis” as related to inflammatory diseases. So does that mean you are an inflamed being? Are you a disease that needs to be treated? With what? Your cell phone camera?! I suppose it’s better than some drug. But why would you think there is something wrong with you? I’ve read that many people have such anxiety about how they look that they feel compelled to take a selfie. Don’t you know you are a beautiful human being?

Put your phone down, give yourself a big hug and smile. . .at everyone around you. They’ll smile back and then you won’t need a device to validate your loveliness.

DefCon Five

the-pink-panter-1996281_640I have an extreme fear of heights. Maybe more on the level of mind-numbing, nuclear attack type terror. From happy and sane to completely over-the-top nuts in seconds.

My sweetie and I just returned from a week in Oahu. Yes, lovely. Especially because it snowed in Denver while we were gone. But more on Hawaii later.

The first night was surviving the pit of misery. I booked an ocean view room and from the photos it looked like there were rooms on the lower floors. I even noted in the booking that I needed a lower floor due to extreme vertigo. Apparently, they don’t know what that is. The room was on the seventh floor, yes that’s 7 stories above the ground. Might have been able to handle that, but to get to the room you had to walk outside and around on a walkway with an open railing. I glued myself to the wall to get in the room. My sweetie said he would help me in and out so I thought I could do it.

At least they had Bud Light in the Pit of Misery. Dilly – dilly.

Once we got in for the night, the deeply buried psychotic portion of height phobia rose to the surface like the waves so coveted by the surfers. All ration and reason stayed on the ground floor and in its wake was hysteria. The hotel was quite full so they couldn’t move us until the next day. I think I would have slept under the bell desk to get out of that room. I was trapped, yet something from over the railing beckoned me. I have heard of that, so there must be some psychological condition and name for it. Evil lurked outside the door. I had to put a chair in front of the door for fear that I would be pulled out and over the edge. My thoughts went to some scene I think was in Lord Of The Rings where the Hobbits were dumped into a giant bird’s nest on a pinnacle. I was there. I shook with fear and sobbed. My poor sweetie had absolutely no idea what to do with me. I made him hold onto me and eventually went to sleep. I woke in terror several times, but survived until the next day.

The hotel staff worked very hard the next morning to move us to the fourth floor with an inside hallway. Likely in their best interests as much as mine.

I have never experienced such terror in my life. I don’t know where it comes from as I have no recall or narrative of any height trauma in my life. I can only think that it must be some past life recall. Would that I could have a do-over if that’s the case. I suppose there is some trauma therapy, maybe EMDR, that would rid me of this fear. I guess I didn’t know I needed it until now. Other than that, we had a great time and more to come about that.

Note to my fellow vertigo sufferers: along Waikiki the hotels are mostly high-rises so if you go, make sure you request a room on the third or fourth floor. That’s as low as you can get as there are shops below.