I Showed Up

work-47200_640Have you noticed the increasing lack of empathy, courtesy and service amongst people around you? No one seems to care. No one wants to put out any effort. And there is an enormous amount of entitlement going around.

Whatever happened to good old-fashioned work and attention?

You need a service call for some equipment that isn’t working properly. If you can get someone to answer the phone, they don’t really give a sh*t about your problem. “When the guy gets out of bed, he can be at your house sometime between 10:30 am and 4:00 pm.” And then usually shows up at 4:05. If you are working or have family responsibilities, that just screws up your whole day. Especially when the guy says he doesn’t have the right part and will have to come back next week, but it might not be him ‘cause his day off is Tuesday and that’s when the part comes in.


You are in the checkout lane, waiting, because two of the clerks are having a party over their cell phones.

office-620823_640The employee that strolls in at 9:00, goes into a meeting to get their daily coffee and bagel fix, checks email at their desk, wanders around the building chatting with the other slackers, leaves for lunch, goes to the gym, comes back at 3:00 and has to leave early. Remember the “Merry Old Land of Oz” song? Those same people come in with their newly minted $200k college degree expecting the top of the salary range too.

The neighbor who thinks grass will mow itself. Or driveways are to park their car – permanently.

What is wrong with people? Are we supposed to BOW because You Showed Up?

cashier-1791106_640I can only speculate that it is because peoples’ lives have become meaningless. I’m all for technology and innovation, but it is too often used as an excuse not to do anything. Directionless, meaningless, uselessness. Translates as a Totally F*cking Boring Existence. No wonder so many people are doing drugs. We are getting dumber by the hour.

Start small. When you wake up in the morning, give yourself a goal. What one thing can I do to bring a smile to someone else? One smile will lead to another and you’ll feel so good that every day will be about being in service.

And you won’t Just Show Up.

IT Is Not An Earring

earring-2591496_640Have you ever stopped wearing pierced earrings and after a time the hole grew shut? Maybe you had three or four in each ear and decided you didn’t want that many anymore. Maybe you just decided you didn’t like pierced ears after a time. Earrings are a fun and beautiful accessory that can be enjoyed.

Sex is not earring. If you don’t use IT, the hole will not grow shut. You might think that when you are in your menopause years. Your body is changing and maybe sex is not what it used to be. Our inner tissues get thinner and drier and that can make sex painful. Enough so that you would rather just quit and let the hole grow shut.

man-3221066_640Sex is enjoyable and healthful for you in many ways. If you do not move your joints the fluids surrounding them do not lubricate them properly and then you have pain. Same thing Down Below. Using IT keeps it healthier and lubricated. Plus all the brain chemicals and hormones that get generated during sex keeps you happier and healthier.

If you are experiencing a lot of pain, talk to your doctor. There are many options that can help. If you are in a relationship, SHARE your issues with your partner. It will help prevent them from thinking that you are not interested in THEM. Try different things with your partner. If penetration is too painful, try oral. Invest in a Battery Operated Boy, otherwise known as BOB. BOB can be your friend if you are not in a relationship. Just do not give up sex because it is painful.

You are still a sexy, beautiful woman. Be that! And put the earring back in.

Not My Monkeys

monkey-474147_640You know them, the people that seem to hang around your neck wanting you to fix everything for them. They’re charming, they’re funny, they are almost child-like and they have this mysterious way that convinces you to agree with what they want.

They are not your Monkeys.

If you say no or you don’t have time, they up the ante. “But you are so good at it,” and you get sucked in. If you still say no, the guilt trip comes, “you don’t care about me,” and maybe they’ll bring up an illness so you get alarmed. If you are tough enough to get past that, watch out, as their temper will rival a three-year-old’s and you will get burned.

They are not your Monkeys.animals-2025376_640

Every time you get sucked into someone else’s sh*t that you don’t have the time or the resources for, you take away time for yourself to work on what matters to you. You’ll feel tired. You’ll feel resentment. You’ll feel angry, and you might not even like that person very much.

So why do you have those Monkeys on your back?

It’s difficult to tell people No when you are a kind, helpful person. Those are really good character traits to have so don’t try to replace them with nastiness. You just need to learn how to put yourself first. After all, those Monkeys are good at putting themselves first.

Monkeys can pick their rescuers out of a crowd. They have an uncanny ability to zero in on the one – or three – people out of fifty that they can work to their advantage. Don’t be one. It is not selfish to put your needs first. It is only selfish when you do it to the exclusion of everyone else – like the Monkeys.

Practice saying no. If you don’t feel good, don’t agree to go to the grocery store for the Monkey. They have two legs and two arms. (Now I’m not including truly handicapped persons as Monkeys.) A two-year-old is not a Monkey. Well, yes they are, in a different form when they are trying to climb up the kitchen cupboards to the cookie jar on the top shelf.

Your needs are important and should always be attended to first. Not entitlements, but self-care, things that derive income, and things you are passionate about. When you are happy and fulfilled, you will have time and energy to give to others.

Just don’t give in to Monkey Business. Let them find another circus.

Me, My Selfie, and I

OMG, I can’t believe how good my hair looks today. I should’ve worn different earrings, they don’t really match my dress. My lipstick looks off. And. . . HHOOONNNKKKK!!!! Well sh*t, another double caramel macchiato ruined.

Didn’t your mother tell you to look both ways before you cross the street? To watch where you were going?

christmas-1871085_640The Selfie Obsession is overtaking the world. Preoccupation with looks, clothing, jewelry and location-location-location has nearly gotten many people injured or killed.

I remember as a teenager and young adult being overly concerned with how I looked. I believe that’s quite normal as you are developing a sense of who you are and who you want to be. Much of that includes how you appear to others. It might have been hours in front of the mirror, making sure every hair strand was where it was supposed to be and your makeup was perfect. Then a pile of discarded clothes as you picked the perfect outfit. I began sewing at a young age so I could have choices that I liked.

As you get older, you have less time to fuss and begin to develop an acceptance. Sometimes you would look in the mirror and think “f*ck” and go anyway. Those moments weren’t always the best choice when you figured out later in the day that white underwear wasn’t necessarily the right choice to wear under white pants.

mirror-1138098_640Since the creation of those magical cell phone cameras, preoccupation with appearance has morphed into obsessive levels. I’m not sure I understand it since I think I have taken one selfie in my life and promptly deleted it. I’m not that excited about close-up photos. I think selfies have gone way beyond checking your appearance or sharing a moment with friends. I heard on the news that it has now been termed “Selfitis”.IMG_0195

Let’s examine that word. “Self” meaning your essential being. “-itis” as related to inflammatory diseases. So does that mean you are an inflamed being? Are you a disease that needs to be treated? With what? Your cell phone camera?! I suppose it’s better than some drug. But why would you think there is something wrong with you? I’ve read that many people have such anxiety about how they look that they feel compelled to take a selfie. Don’t you know you are a beautiful human being?

Put your phone down, give yourself a big hug and smile. . .at everyone around you. They’ll smile back and then you won’t need a device to validate your loveliness.

Livin’ On A Prayer

pray-1639946_1280Did you know that worry is a form of prayer? And that you can actually manifest what you are worrying about? YIKES. Worry is really just fear turned into the belief that something might happen. I’ve read this statement somewhere: FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.

Appearing real. Simply the perception that something isn’t what you want.

Why do we worry and live in a state of anxiety most of the time? Usually because we don’t feel like we have control. We want a certain outcome, but sometimes expect that we won’t get what we want.

It’s time to build our faith and trust. That can mean many things to many different people. For the sake of simplicity, I’m going to limit this to just something bigger than us. I’ll say the “Universe” as it is my belief. I’ve written quite a bit about Manifesting, which includes faith and trust. Building your faith and trust in manifestation takes time and practice. A good method of practice is praying.

Praying does not have to be a formal ritual or on your knees, head bowed. Nothing wrong with those things, but there are times we you need a boost and can’t get to that place. You could be driving down the freeway and a car comes swerving up beside you, and no matter your belief system, you burst out with “please don’t let that car hit me!” (Although most of us would swear the air blue. That, too, could be a form of prayer.)

Praying is simply words requesting help to achieve an outcome. You can think them. You can speak them out loud. You can scream them at the top of your lungs. You can cry or laugh along with the words. If it is heartfelt, then the Universe is going to hear you and set in motion whatever is for your highest and best good, even if it might not be what you expect. Prayer is also having the faith that everything will work out for the best. Pray often. There are no limits to the frequency or timeframe of your prayers.

Spend your days Livin’ On A Prayer. It worked for Tommy and Gina.A0A285B0-5C6C-4A1E-B047-0F7FA41EEA6B[1]

Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing

wolf-in-sheeps-clothing-2577813_1920My last post about Uranus got me thinking about bullies. Uranus in Aries seems to have brought many of them to the forefront. We can recognize these bullies as the aggressive, in-your-face sort, but what about the hidden bullies?

I’m speaking of the passive-aggressive type or wolf in sheep’s clothing. The ones that sneak up on you and bite you in the a$$, but don’t leave a mark.

When I was in grade school, there was a mean little girl who was just that kind of bully. She was all nicey-nice and wanted to be everyone’s friend. Then she started this game that I [now] call “victim of the week”. She would choose one of her “so-called” friends and decide to pick on her. She’d gather up the rest of the group and fill them with some sh*t or other about how awful that girl was. Then the taunting and poking and chasing went on, sometimes lasting the entire week if the kid was tough. The main goal was to reduce the victim to tears. I filled the victim role several times until I figured out that the goal was crying. So guess what, folks, the minute I realized I was the target I bawled like an Emmy winner.

Maybe, I too, was the bully.

aggression-656795_1280We encounter these wolves in our everyday world. They tend to be the sweet, shy ones in the corner that speak in a soft childish voice. But oh, if you cross them, they’ll hiss like an angry cobra. They want their way, but don’t have the balls to ask politely and honestly for what they want. Cross them and their pouting is legendary. They have a knack too, for knowing what your triggers are. Mine tends to center around abandonment so I usually get some form of “if you don’t do what I want I will leave you”. Sirens go off in my head and too often I have found myself giving in, giving too much and putting my needs and boundaries in the toilet. And sad to say, I left some of those people before they left me, but the reality of that is that they never would have because why let go of a handy victim/martyr?

I haven’t completely adapted my behavior yet to not get worked up by these wolves, but I have stopped myself from running away. I read something that when you are dealing with a difficult person who wants something that you are unwilling to give, is to just give them more of what they want. Huh? Sounds counter-intuitive, but that’s the point. For example, if you are in a relationship and the other person keeps saying they want more space, quit fussing about it and give it to them. Take yourself out of their presence for extended periods of time. They’ll get damn sick of their own company right quick. Maybe in the workplace if you have someone that’s always threatening to leave if they don’t get more money or whatever, then maybe offer to write a reference letter. Or go all passive back and say “well I won’t stand in the way of anyone wanting to better themselves”. Screeeeech!cat-2201460_1280

Stand up for yourself, don’t engage in the drama, because no one should ever be able to pull the wool over your eyes again.

Uranus – It’s Always About Some A$$hole

uranus-11626_640Yep, I’m going a little astrology on you. It is not as hokey as it sounds. Think of what happens during a Full Moon, people tend to go all nutty on you.

Uranus is the planet of unexpected change and some of it might not be what you would like in your life. This planet moves through the astrological signs every 7-9 years. Prior to 2011, it was in the sign of Pisces – murky, water energy – and you will recall tsunamis. In 2011, it rolled into Aries – the sign of the Warrior – and will stay there until May 2018. Fires, anyone? Think about all the hotheaded, name-calling, angry, finger-poking that we see in the media. It is certainly a time of unexpected change.

The good thing, to call it that, is that Uranus will teach you – and push you – to be flexible, creative and maybe a bit revolutionary in your life. Uranus also rules technology so notice how the media is directing the world.

How does this affect you? You can do some research to determine how Uranus affects your sign. It would also be healthy for you to see what anger issues might be triggered in you by all the events. Look beneath the surface for the areas in your life that need healing. If a bigger stage is your calling, perhaps taking to social media – gently please, we don’t need any more name-calling battles, there is too much already – might be a way for you to reach out. (This blog was birthed October 2017.) Enough calm but determined voices can begin to heal the planet, along with yourself.

So what a$$hole do you need to vanquish?

Incidentally, Uranus will be moving into Taurus in May bringing with it some grounding, stabilizing energy.  Whew!

Resolutions or Revolution?

fireworks-2223570_1280It’s that time of the year when everyone starts to make New Year’s Resolutions. We set some goals or accomplishments and a completion date. Too often they are limited in purpose or too restricted in a period of time and end up being ditched by the end of February. Or maybe we just get too damned cold and sick of eating green salad, and dive into that plate of lasagna just to get some heat in our body. I know this part applies to those of us in the northern hemisphere, but I think winter is a pretty sh*tty time to make resolutions.

It seems to me that the very word: resolution, has a negative sound to it. I think “resolve”, as in I resolve to doing this. . .Thing. The dictionary’s definition of the verb is: settle or find a solution to. “Settle”??? Sounds damned depressing to me.

What about changing a resolution into something that gets you excited? Instead of the new year, why not start July 4th and make it a Revolution? Seems fitting for Americans who understand this holiday. The dictionary’s definition of the noun is: a dramatic and wide-reaching change in the way something works or is organized or in people’s ideas about it.

Now doesn’t that get you excited?  Wide-reaching change? Something like, “I’m gonna go all revolution on the crap I eat”.  I don’t know about you, but that sounds empowering. And it sounds like something that you could stick with and turn into a daily habit. When have you ever heard about a revolution that was over in a week? Those things usually go on for years and have affected great change. (I know, they are often destructive, but wouldn’t you like to go all destructive on your beer gut?)

“You say you want a revolution. . . “

He Loves Me, I Love Me Not

Did you ever play that game with a flower and pluck the petals off? If only relationships were that simple. We have invested a lot of time and effort in the romantic world: obtaining, maintaining and sustaining. We could make it easier on ourselves and it starts within.

Romantic relationships are the ultimate mirror. Whatever we feel about ourselves gets reflected back to us by those we love. And us to them. So how much do you want to be loved? Unconditionally? Nearly unobtainable in the human world. We are here to grow our spirit so those mirrors are necessary to take us beyond just our reflection in them. If you want a fully loving relationship, you should become that person you want to love you.

What parts of you do you believe are unlovable? That is only based on your belief system. The Creator placed you here as a beautiful, lovable child. The Creator ain’t no slouch so that has to be true. Look in the mirror and see yourself as completely lovable. Tell yourself that: “I Love Me”. Hug yourself. Treat yourself as you want to be treated. The more you do this, the more it radiates out to others and they will mirror back the lovable you. Imagine what your romantic relationship looks like when you are lovable. Pure joy radiates from people who believe that they are lovable. They can light up a room. YOU ARE LOVABLE!

So don’t be surprised if there is a candlelight dinner waiting when you get home. And rose petals, with He Loves Me written on them.

Fake It ‘Til You Make It

cornucopia-1789664_1920Thanksgiving is the time of year when we gather around with friends and family and express thanks for everything from mashed potatoes to BFFs.  Life is full of many things to be thankful for.

Gratitude, on the other hand, is an attitude that you already are or already have what you desire in your life.  Huh?  Now, I know you have either heard someone say or you’ve said it “I am so grateful for _____” and thought it was some crap they just dreamed up.  Especially if their life was full of some sh*t or another.  Why are they so damn happy?

Well you have also probably heard the expression “fake it ‘til you make it”.  Stating affirmations is a method to train your brain to accept or allow what it is you are stating.  Say for example, you want a new job that suits your skills and has better pay and benefits.  Your affirmation could be “I am grateful for my new job that showcases my talents and provides for me with abundance in all forms.”  Start by saying it every day, maybe while you are driving to your current not-so-fun job.  I know it sounds silly, but seriously, it works.

Affirmations literally open up new pathways in your brain.  When you stop focusing on what you Do Not want, and instead focus on what you DO want – by stating the affirmation – you will actually create what you are wanting.  And most likely something better if you don’t put exact conditions in your affirmation.  The Universe is smarter and more generous than you.  If you don’t worry about The What and The When, surprises will turn up in your life.  You might hear of a job opening that fits you perfectly.  And maybe the “something better” is that it is five minutes away from your house.

So just try it: “I am grateful for ___” and watch the magic happen.