He Said, She Said

silhouette-2480321_1280There is a lot of finger-pointing between the sexes these days.  No one is right, yet no one is wrong.  It appears to be battle of control, when what it really should be is a balance of power.

Energy must be balanced in order to flow.

In every effective relationship, there is a balance of feminine and masculine energy.  This is not limited to gender nor sexual preference.  Feminine energy is receptive and sensing-feeling.  Masculine energy is giving and thinking-doing. 

Women can be masculine energy, and that doesn’t mean that they look like men or lack femininity.  Likewise, men can be feminine energy and still look and act masculine.  It is only how the energy is processed.

I am a masculine energy, very feminine woman.  I have friends and acquaintances who are similar.  I am in a heterosexual relationship and am a total fashionista.  I am highly intelligent and get more sh*t done in a day than many people do in a week.  My sweetie is a feminine energy male, who is also very intelligent and a creative former ironworker.  He appreciates my forward thinking.  Neither of us is weak and neither of us is in charge of the relationship.  Because we have a balanced energy relationship, the energy can shift back and forth depending upon our needs, desires and skills.  Good relationships have this ebb and flow.

The problem comes from two same-energy people in a relationship.  Two masculine energy people will constantly fight for control.  Two feminine energy people will passively want their way.  In either situation, neither get their needs met nor get sh*t done.  Trying to pretend you are one type, when you are not, does not work either.  Just like coloring your hair, the dark roots will always grow out the blonde.  Why create more conflict to an already conflicted situation?

The first step is to acknowledge your energy type.  Forget the male-female, masculine-feminine typecast for a bit.  Ask this question instead: are you more offended if someone calls you stupid or if they call you ugly?  If being called stupid sets you off, then you are more likely masculine energy, whereas you don’t give a rat’s a$$ if they call you ugly.  You might also get irritated and impatient by people who cry all the time.  If being called ugly makes you cry, then you are likely feminine energy.  Your feelings are more important than whether or not you know how to calculate the return on investment.  Again, neither energy type is right or wrong.  Just learn to be happy with which one you are.  You will have a happier life if you do.

I almost wonder if what we are seeing in the world today is from real energy types finally emerging.  Perhaps the conflict is more from within and easier to project on someone else than to acknowledge what is.  Internal conflict can turn nice people into alien life forms from hell.  Figure out what type you are, but throw away the label.  The energy will settle down and fall into balance.

Because it is better to be happy than to be right.

Oz-tober

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Photo: Pixabay, Efraimstochter

Last night, Ozzy Osbourne played at the Denver Pepsi Center.  I didn’t go because it was a work night and I just can’t stay up that late anymore.

Ozzie and many other musicians have been out on epic tours, some for several years.  Why the significance as that is no different than any other year?  Because most of them are over the age of 60.  They are still out there rockin’ it and kickin’ a$$ long after the rest of us are snoring in our beds.

Some ask “why?”  “Do they need more money; don’t they have enough?”  “That’s old news.”  “Sick of that music.”  (Seriously?!)  Or “they are too old to be doing that”.  The reality is that they are out there doin’ it because they LOVE it.  Music is their passion, their reason for living.  They live to make music, play music and perform music.  And why not?

I recently saw a photo of Klaus Meine of the Scorpions that said “this is what 70 looks like”.  If that’s 70, then everyone should aspire to that.  70 is no longer seen as the bent-over, shuffling wrinkled person with overgrown nose hairs.  Check out Ari Seth Cohen’s “Advanced Style” and you will see photos of [yes, real] kick-a$$ older people living life to the fullest.  “Old is the New Black” is the motto.

Older people have had enough of being pushed aside, told what they can or cannot wear, think, do or anything else a bunch of under-experienced brats have decided.  Older people live, love, wear purple hair and have sex on a regular basis.

We are not dead yet.

It is a time to embrace your passions, to do the things that you barely had the time for when you were younger, to play, to have a loving relationship, to think, to feel, to honor yourself and speak out for what you believe in.

Or rock it at an Ozzy concert.  Just remember to wear your ear plugs.

Life’s A Beach

IMG_0510We just got back late in the night from Grand Cayman.  Got a little jet lag settling in along with the urge to eat.  Travelling is exhausting and I often wonder if the destination is really worth the effort.

Life’s a beach and you need to be on one.

IMG_0511Our flight from Grand Cayman to Charlotte was delayed for 2 ½ hours due to a bird strike on the incoming plane.  I know that is fairly common, sad for the bird and stressful for all the humans involved.  Fortunately, our connecting flight to Denver had a three hour layover so we made the connection with minutes to spare.  This is an all-too-common story and many of you have worse tales to tell.  Still it makes you begin to wonder if travel is worth it.

Life’s a beach and sometimes you’re not sure where it is.

IMG_0547Being the anxiety driven person I am, I really have to want the destination to go through the effort involved.  We had not ever been to Grand Cayman so we looked forward to the trip.  Beautiful beaches, lush vegetation and pretty homes dotted this little paradise.  Sunshine, palm trees, blue water, what was there not to like?

But something was lacking.  WTF?!  Am I crazy?  (I think we have already established that.)

I longed for home.

Haven’t you ever prepped and packed, lugged and carried, rode cars and trains and escalators and glides, stuffed you and your things into a tiny space, and endured the drone of the jet engine, all in a mad dash to get somewhere so you could relax?  And then when the cortisol wore off, all you wanted was to be back at home in your own bed?  I’m quite certain I’m not alone in this thought process.  Sometimes the best place to be is in your own home, your own space with your own little beach. 

So click your heels, Dorothy, because life’s a beach of your very own making.patio tiki bar

Droid-ful

p1135496_e_v8_ab[1]Are you one of those people (like me) who continuously feel responsible for everyone and everything?  It gets to be exhausting, not to mention it just pisses you off when other people blissfully let you do their work.  You get on this endless treadmill of work-work-work and you never seem to have any time for yourself.  But you do have time by yourself, you are on that treadmill alone.  How do you get off?

Maybe you don’t really want to.

You have the power, after all.  You are calling the shots, and yes, it is controlling and enabling.    But none of this really makes you a terrible person.  There are often deep-seated reasons for your actions.

Behind control lives fear.  You have fear and anxiety of what might happen if you don’t keep control.  You like, no Need, your environment to be a certain way.  People who have experienced trauma, especially childhood trauma, often use control as a coping mechanism to avoid repeating the trauma.  If you do things to make your environment safe, or take on other people’s responsibilities to keep you safe, then somehow this translates to not repeating the event or issue.

But you will never feel safe until you give up control to the Universe to guide the outcome.

Another aspect of controlling actions is energetic sensitivity.  Maybe you perform the duties of others just to avoid being around them.  You know, that crabby complaining-about-everything person you have to work with.  You’ll do anything to keep them away.  Or the flip side, an under-performer who is a really awesome person and you don’t want them to get fired.  Neither of which serves them or you.  You are just an energetic sponge.

How do you protect yourself from this stuff?

First of all, you must let people be responsible for their own stuff.  How will they ever learn to be self-sufficient and thoughtful of others if you continue to interfere with their life lessons?  You are here for your own, why heap their pile on top?  Stop enabling and suffer through the outcome.  The reality is that it is never as bad as you imagined.  Sometimes those people really pull through and just surprise the hell out of you.

Secondly, deal with the trauma.  You will never heal if you don’t.

Anxiety is just obsessing over an unknown future.  You could get hit by a truck tomorrow and it will be all over and look what you missed out on.  If you focus on the now and doing whatever you need to do in the now, the future will become the now.  Practice grounding.  Grounding into the Earth keeps you connected in the now.  Create an energetic boundary.  Imagine yourself completely surrounded by an egg-shaped light.  It should be about three feet outside your body.  Imagine that it is impenetrable except for only love-based energy, which flows in and out.  Know that you are safe and secure inside this light.  This is great protection for the energy sensitive.

And know without a doubt, if you ask, the Universe will keep you safe and give you red-flag warnings of action steps that keep you safe.  The Universe will also provide you with the best possible outcome for your highest good.

Me, I’m thinking of getting a droid.  Sort of a clone of myself.  I’m going to program it with all the nonsensical, enabling, controlling behaviors that rule my inner world.  Then I’m going to lie down on the sofa, take a nap, and dream up ways to make my world lesson free.

Calming The Zoo

squirrel-316022_1280Sometimes the endless chatter in your head can make you feel like running and screaming.  Whether it’s your monkey mind or squirrel brain, feeling overwhelmed can be like living in a zoo.

Today’s world is fast and endless.  Technology drives the pace and global media points the direction.  We are turned on and tuned in, when sometimes we just need to shut it all off.  How many times a day do you reach for your cell phone or other personal data device?  If we do shut them off, we become starved for the electronic hit like a junkie desperate for a quick fix.

Technology is amazing, no doubt.  You can consult with a doctor, or watch a video on how to scope out the toilet.  A lot of useful things, but with the consequences that everything should be “on-demand”.  Including our brains.  We fuel up with caffeine and sugar to keep up with the hype and then wonder why we can’t fall asleep at night.  Counting sheep has been replaced by chasing squirrels.

Is it any wonder why so many undiagnosed illnesses that are treated with a pill end up creating one?

You don’t have to unplug to calm the zoo.  Even hyenas take time to eat, sleep and play.

One of the easiest methods to unwind is to ground yourself.  Hug a tree (like, for real), walk barefoot in the grass, put your feet in water or just simply imagine a cord attached like a tail to the base of your spine and going deep into the earth.  None of these things will harm the earth.  Mother Earth is very willing and able to dissipate your yuck energy if you give it to her.  She can take a lightning strike with ease, so you are no big deal.  Remember to breathe deeply while doing this as it helps move the squirrel energy out of you much quicker.

Deep breathing is another way to calm your mind and help you think clearly.  No need to go to that oxygen bar and waste your money.  Deep breathing can be done in about five secs.

Faster than clicking on the latest Twitter feed.

Maniacally Depressive

upset-534103_1920I know they call it Bi-polar these days, but I’m not talking about a mental health disorder.  Disorderly, maybe, but nothing clinical.  Do you ever have those days when you feel so overwhelmed it makes you want to cry?  It’s enough to make you mentally ill.

I have a lot going on right now.  Summer is coming to a close and it is time to start preparing for cold weather.  We spent the last day in our little pool and it is draining as I write.  Now talk about depressive.  There are quite a few things to do to shut down the pool and patio.  The pool needs to be drained, cleaned, disassembled, folded up and put back into the box.  Hopefully.  You know how those things go.  The manufacturer uses some sort of air thing to suck all the molecules out of the plastic so it fits into a box half the normal size.  Then we crazy (and insanely determined) humans attempt to stuff whatever back into the container.

Maniacally.

I’m hopeful.

We’ll see in a day or two after the thing has dried out.  The filter needs to be cleaned and also packed away.  Innertubes deflated.  Floating bar deflated.  Then everything stuffed into a corner in the garage until Memorial Day.  Waaaaa!!

That’s just the first round.  In a few weeks, the rest of the patio gets undressed, tarped and pushed out of the way.  It took like three days to set it all up so we’ve got our work cut out for us.

Depressive.

Before long snow will be piled on top and I’ll be dreaming of the tiki bar.  The flower garden needs to be tended.  Weeds pulled.  Ornaments put away.  Bulbs ordered for fall planting.  Halloween gear unearthed from the crawl space.  (It’s a month long ordeal at our house.)IMG_0481

And all this while working, keeping up with household chores and maintaining a blog.  It’s enough to send me into a funk.

Or maybe just onto the sofa to watch football.  Anything to keep away the winter blues.

False Evidence Appearing Real

fear-2019930_1920Today is the 17th anniversary of the 9-11 attack, when terrorists crashed into the World Trade Center and brought death and destruction to many. I can look out my office window and watch emergency workers prepare for the memorial taking place in the community where I work.  I listened to Sammy Hagar’s song “Remember the Heroes” playing on the radio.

I remember the skies being silent that evening, no airplane contrails other than military jets on patrol.  A rather surreal silence, and underlying sense of unease because we knew not what was yet to come.   Disaster mobilized people into action and many heroes pressed through the smoke and debris to draw life from the rubble.  It was a day of shock for all of the United States, a day that changed many things forever.  A day that we all learned that Fear was a way of life.

What is fear, anyway?  In a lesser degree, it is the anxiety of not knowing the result of an anticipated outcome.  In a higher degree, it is allowing someone or something to have dominance over you.  Understandable, if they are holding a gun to your head.  When I think of fear, I think of the acronym:

False Evidence Appearing Real

Most often, fear is just that.  We believe something, we’re told to believe something, we make assumptions, we lack the knowledge or understanding of something.  I think ignorance is a great factor in fear.  Many equate ignorance with stupidity, but that is not always so.  Intelligent people can be ignorant, if they choose not to have understanding.  Ignorance can create hate too.  Refusing to understand someone or something with an underlying fear can totally erupt into hate.  And with 9-11, outright violence.

If you are afraid, ask yourself why?  Is it because you want control and feel you are lacking that?  How do you get control?  The only control you need is over yourself.  Your thoughts and beliefs are your own.  If you are afraid because you don’t know something, why don’t you ask questions?  Most people won’t get angry with you if you ask politely.  If not the direct approach, seek answers from other sources.  (Multiple sources, please, not just one social media posting.)  Knowledge is the best armor you can have.  It won’t protect you from everything and everyone, but it will keep your monkey mind from conjuring up more false evidence.  Knowledge helps to open your mind.  An open mind connects you to the Universe.  The Universe fills you with light and the more light we bring to the planet the less room there is for fear.

And fear will no longer be real.

I’m Better Than I Never Was

photo-256887_1920Remember when you could run a seven-minute mile?  Wore a size 2?  Could live on five hours of sleep a night?

What if these and many others things like them that you tell yourself on a regular basis are really just lies to avoid accepting yourself for who you are now?  If you quit saying them, could you embrace your reality, could you be kind and loving to you?

And if you did, might you be better than who you thought you were?

It is easy to get caught up in the past.  It is about who you were, but your memories might be tainted.  Maybe things in your life aren’t going very well.  Struggles with a lover, unsatisfying work, body image, bank account a little low.  Not surprising you might wish for what was.  Not surprising you might think the past held better times.  Maybe it did.

What if you could change now?  The good news: you can.  How?  Think differently.  You are better than you were or you wouldn’t be here now.  You are better than you were because you have experience.  You have more knowledge.  You know what you really want, but did you know that your thoughts create your reality?  What you focus on is what appears in your life.  The more you think your life is crap, the more crap appears in your life.

Start by thinking of all the good things in your life.  Write them down.  Put a sticky note on your mirror to look at when you brush your teeth.  Stay focused on the good things.  Like attracts like.

Before long, you will realize that life is better than you thought it was.

Wastin’ The Day Away

patio tiki barI am taking a “stay-cation” next week.  It’s practice for when I’m retired.  I would like to know what it feels like to be at home all day and choose what I want to do.

Luxurious, I’m thinking.

I realize that taking a week-long break from work is a whole different animal than being at home day-after-day.  A break from work usually means doing nothing, doing everything, or maybe just wastin’ away in Margaritaville.  There will be a small amount of Margaritaville in my week.  It’s summer, we have a little pool and a tiki bar on the patio. . .so why wouldn’t I?

There will be fun festivals bookending the week.  I have my usual chores.  A little bit of de-cluttering.  Spiffy up my ride.  Exercise.  Walk the lake.  Lounge in a chair and read.  And hopefully, write and stockpile a bunch of articles to keep you entertained in the weeks to come.

A lot of what I anticipate my days will look like in retirement.  Regular exercise will be priority on my list.  Writing because it pleases me.  Writing my book.  Yes, there is one of those.  I am calling it “Phucensch*tt – Spirituality for People Who Swear”.  Yes, really.  But I’m not giving out any more info on that.  You will have to wait.  I plan on trips to the library.  Trips to cool places in Denver that I’ve never seen in all my years of living here.  Like the Molly Brown House.

I will walk to the grocery store and buy a few things for that day instead of stockpiling from a warehouse store.  I will poke in the dirt until it begs me to stop planting flowers.  I will chase pigeons off the roof.  (Hopefully that problem is already resolved.  Haven’t seen them in a day or two.)  I will re-ignite my love of cooking.  I will meditate.  H*ll, I might even take guitar lessons and become a rock chick.  Or not.  Guitar Hero might be enough.  I’ll watch all my favorite movies over and over until I can recite every word,  “Welcome to Columbia, Joan Wilder.”  And if I feel the need to work and serve, I’ll give readings at my favorite little metaphysical store, For Heaven’s Sake.  I just won’t be doing what I’ve done for the last 30+ years.

Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll put on a pair of flip-flops and search for my lost shaker of salt.

Bird Brained

statue-185435_1280We have been “Liked” by some pigeons for a couple of months.  Oh, cute! You might think, unless you have read about why they are not so cute.  Their poop could likely destroy a building, not to mention the parasites and other yuck that they carry.  Sigh.

When we first discovered them, they had found a little hidey-hole between the gutter and railing on the roof.  There was a little nest and two little eggs inside.  How sweet, we thought.  Bird-brained, we were.  The poop began to build so we decided it was time to encourage them to move on.

Do you know how difficult it is to relocate pigeons without harm?

Kind of like getting your adult child to move out.

We removed the nest and covered the entry to prevent their access.  Well, we have two rooftop decks so they just scouted out the other one.  Again, a long space between the railing and the gutter became their new apartment.  My sweetie had to make a perilous extraction and a cover for their access, all the while chasing them away.  He had a career as an ironworker so this wasn’t such a frightening thing for him.  Me, let’s just say it was better that I neither saw this nor found out about it until after.

These winged rats from h*ll do not give up.

Lest you are wondering, no harm has nor will be unleashed upon these creatures.  We just want them to relocate out of the neighborhood.

Tippi-Halloween-Costume[1]It appeared that we were birdless, until I decided to go out onto the roof and listen to the music from a weekend street party.  Tippi Hedren would have had a case of PTSD.  Too bad I wasn’t wearing a green Chanel suit.  The f*ckers swarmed my head and there were only two of them!  I might have started screaming, but my sweetie had followed me out and proceeded to scare them away.  I discovered their new nest, complete with the two eggs, lurking behind the lounger.  A small poop-fest too.

Enough is enough.

Short of having roast fowl for dinner,  eewww, I took to my favorite form of waging war: look it up on the Internet.  Results: spikes on their perch.  Hmm.  Ultrasonic device.  A little too much $$.  Fake owls or hawks.  Okay.  Noisy or reflective things.  Okay.  Reflective stuff sort of works with birds like staring at the ocean without sunglasses works for us.  Next stop: Amazon.  Reflective tape and spinners.  We’ll try that.  We have a couple of windchimes we can relocate to the roof.  They might drive the neighbors batty, but they’ll appreciate not having a pigeon condo next door.  I bought some shiny pinwheels at the store and stuck them along the railing, close to the ground.

We washed down the roof and moved the furniture around to eliminate as many hidey-holes as possible.  Once we get the shiny stuff from Amazon, we are going to create a webbing of sorts with fishing line to discourage a landing zone.  We’ll hang some of the shiny stuff from it so it can blow in the breeze.  Maybe then, the rat b*stards will relocate.

My apologies if a pair of persistent grey flying rats descend upon your roof.  Better stock up on shiny pinwheels, if nothing else they will look cute.