Loving Your Sh*t

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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Happy Valentine’s Day to all! A day totally dedicated to love; sharing, giving and receiving, but do you think about giving love to yourself? Probably not, there are plenty of us too intent on giving it to everyone else than to think of our own needs.

It is the main part of our purpose here, besides growing our spirit. What is Spirit if not love? Life is messy and may often have challenges related to self-love. What is self-love, anyway? I believe it is honoring our needs before, but not at the expense of, others. How can you love and care for someone else if you don’t do it for you first? If you don’t, then anything you give might contain the energy of lack or resentment and that’s not a good gift.

When you put yourself first, you continuously fill yourself with love energy so your needs are taken care of so you have plenty – and maybe a little extra – for others. Now that is what I’m talking about!

Part of loving yourself includes loving all the messy parts. This is what I mean in reference to my blog title. We are human beings filled with good stuff and some sh*tty stuff, not all of it poop. We have emotions, not all of them good and some of them downright stinky. We think bad thoughts, sometimes right after the good ones. We have crooked teeth, and big asses – although they are popular now – wrinkles and glasses. We experience delusional thoughts and sometimes can’t control what comes out of our mouths. We’re every color and creed, that doesn’t always get honored. We’re stupid and we kill, sometimes out of greed. Being harmful in any way is not loving and should not be loved within yourself. If you love the crazy parts of you, then maybe you wouldn’t feel the need to be harmful.

How about starting out with a hug? Yourself, that is, with no help from another. Yasss, go ahead and wrap your arms around you. Who care if anyone looks? They might get jealous and do it too. Look in a mirror and say, “I Love YOU”. Do you have any idea how powerful that is? You would, if you took the time to do it.

Now pretend that every day is Valentine’s Day and treat yourself to a little self-love. Even if you are a little bit stinky.

Business Casual

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“Who said Business Casual has to be boring?”

We have forgotten how to dress. I like yoga pants. . .for the gym. Or lounging at home. Or the occasional visit to the massage therapist or doctor, when you need to get your clothes off quickly. But not for work. We’ve slid down into this oh-so-casual look of low maintenance, which really just gives the appearance of “I don’t give a sh*t”. Lack of time is just about priorities. If you don’t care about your appearance, what else does that translate into? Lack of funds. . .sorry, I don’t buy into that either. I used to sew my own clothes when I couldn’t afford new prices. Nowadays, consignment stores are popping up everywhere offering designer wear for low-budget prices. I don’t get the “ewww, pre-worn” prissiness. How many times do you think that brand-new shirt was tried on before you bought it? At least the consignment store wares are clean.

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“Tell me again, that bullsh*t story.”

I have never been a fan of business suits, at least the bland, woolen versions. Me, I like a little bit of edge to my business look. I scored this vintage Claude Montana blazer off of Poshmark, an online consignment boutique. Italian made, impeccable tailoring, it features those power shoulder pads so famous in the 80s and early 90s. Mr. Montana was famous for that power suit look, but unfortunately went bankrupt in the late 90s. I consider it an extra investment that I now have two Claude M blazers. Paired with the Hermes scarf in place of a tie (another Poshmark bargain), and Manolo Blahnik wingtips, this defines my version of the power suit. Affordable, due to the secondhand purchase, this look is classy with a definite edge. A better business casual than the blazer and ripped jeans favored by the younger crowd, not that I don’t like that look.

Why I need this look when I’m three weeks out from retirement, speaks more to my opinion about dressing than anything else. I am happiest and feel more like my self when I am dressed well. I’ve been like that since a small child, and then it was ingrained into me when I attended Patricia Stevens Fashion and Business College in the late 70s.

Patricia Stevens originally began as a way to educate and polish young women for entry into the workforce. Part of the curriculum included personal development and appearance. Classes included etiquette, modeling and professional presentation. We were required to dress in heels, nylons and dresses every day. These days, that might generate the opinion as sexist, but I did not and still do not feel that way. We were taught to look professional and act with professional manners. Pretty damn good skills to have. I have read research study findings that state attractive people get better jobs and pay. I don’t think that means you need to be beautiful, just well presented. If you have ever sat on an interview panel, those that come in looking like the job they want usually get the job they want.

One of the trainings that was ingrained into our being was the “Patricia Stevens stance”, a modeling pose with the weight on the angled right foot, forward facing left foot, hips turned to appear narrow and wide shoulders. A feminine, yet powerful presentation of self. I can drop into that pose instantly. When I do, I feel confident and beautiful, even while wearing yoga pants.

I Can See Clearly Now

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Image by Pexels from Pixabay

This morning I have my annual eye exam. It is a lengthy process with fittings for both glasses and contact lens. I have a cornea condition that necessitates scleral lens for my best vision. Fitting them is complicated and usually takes 3-4 sets before we land on the pair that is the most comfortable. If you wear them, you understand. If you don’t, imagine placing a rigid plastic lens the size of a nickel in your eye. They require special little tools, like a miniature toilet plunger, to get them in and out. Yes, a lot of work, but the vision I get makes them worth the effort. I also cannot see well in the dark, and dim light is marginal. These lens squeeze out just a tiny bit more night vision, but driving is still to be avoided. When they itch and burn at the end of the day, and I want to toss them across the room, I remind myself that this is much easier than missing a limb or toting around a lung like my Arizona friends.

Such are the challenges of life.

The benefit, if you will, is that I’ve developed my “other” sight to a much greater extent. This is known as “clairvoyance”, the ability to see beyond the physical sense. In my mind’s eye, I can see and sense energetic connections. It is difficult to explain, other than those intuitive feelings you get about someone or something. Ever stand next to someone who gives you the creeps? That’s what I’m talking about. Using this ability makes up for the gaps in my physical sight. It is especially useful when I’m driving. I know when someone wants to change lanes before they put on their blinker, assuming they have one of course. I can feel the tension in the air and stay in the slow lane to avoid the late-for-work tailgaters.

I can sense when someone is lying to me or trying to use me for something. I’ve started projects at work and then gotten a phone call from someone asking me for the information. No, I don’t know the numbers for the lottery, but I might know when it’s a good time to make an investment – like our house. I’m not always on point, especially when I’m tired or hungry. And sometimes I just don’t want to know or feel and just turn it down. It is definitely an ability to develop, because it can make your life easier.

Just wish I could restore my physical sight.

Ever Evolving

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Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Aging. There is a reason why it is a verb and not a noun. Or a journey rather than a destination. Some days I just blaze through them when I am focused on a task and not even notice that the time has passed.

Other days, I look in the mirror and think: WTF what is going on here?

Lately, I’m a bit obsessed with my wardrobe. I’ve always been a fashionista, with a tendency to make a statement with my clothing. I like edgy with leather moto jackets and studded boots. I like bohemian with flowy prints. I like color, texture and patterns. No one that knows me would call me beige.

What comes with aging, that is so mind-boggling, is the constant state of body change. All you women out there who have gone through menopause, know exactly what I’m talking about. There are a gazillion blog posts written on this very subject. Lots of WTF moments.

Change is inevitable, but I think it is difficult to accept what happens to your body. Your boobs get bigger and they droop. Your ass gets bigger and droops. And then there is this round thing that shows up around your waist like a Monday morning donut. WTF. It is not an easy task to get them corralled and back in shape.

A diet shouldn’t be a diet, but a lifestyle. Learn to love vegetables. Eat hormone free meat. Seriously? If it makes an animal get bigger, what do you think happens to you? Practice intermittent fasting, if nothing but to eliminate the digesting grumbles in the middle of the night. Take supplements because, yes, they really do work. Drink water with a chunk of lemon in it. It makes you pee, but you’ll notice the puffiness goes away.

Exercise. Walk. Take the stairs. Do weight-bearing repetitions several times a week. Even if it doesn’t do much for your shape, your bones and joints will love you. Having muscles will help you get out of bed in the morning, instead of just rolling over and hoping you don’t end up on the floor. Our muscles get weaker as we age, so you can counteract that by lifting weights.

Take care of your hair and skin. Nothing ages you faster than looking like you don’t give a sh*t. Gray hair looks awesome when it is well-cared for. Spending money on good hair products is worth it. Same thing with your skin. If you live in a dry climate, like I do, moisturizers are a must unless you like itching your way through winter. Coconut oil works quite well.

Keep up with your teeth. Brush, floss, see your dentist. Healthy teeth keep you healthier.

Breathe. Meditate. Get out in nature.

It will make it a lot easier to go back into your closet and throw out all the things you bought last year that no longer fit.

We Are Still Playing Barbie

Re-posted from October 9, 2017

08501960_01[1]Botox, collagen, fillers. Hair color, hair bleach, hair extensions. Waxing, tweezing, threading, plucking. Liposuction, face lifts, breast implants, ass lifts. (Ass lifts?!) It is a lot of work and expense being female.

I blame it on Barbie. Big boobs, tiny waist and those feet. Who has feet shaped like that anyway? It is really not Barbie’s fault. The shape of women has been something to fuss over for centuries.

I’m not against any cosmetic enhancements, only the overdoing of them. I have had my own share of treatments. And I did them because I wanted to feel better about myself, and they did just that. That should be the only reason you do these things – for You and You alone. Oh sure, we like having our friends and family tell us how great we look, but never, never, never should you invest the time or money in cosmetic enhancements just because someone else said you Needed it. If they cannot love you just as you are then maybe you do not need them in your life. However, it is worth looking at the core of this.

We too often attract people in our life who act as mirrors of our inner pain. If you consistently encounter people who do not love and care for you just as you are, then you might want to ask yourself if You love You. All the cosmetic enhancements in the world are not going to make you look better if you do not love yourself. Love your Sh*t and then your outer self will match your inner self and you might not need that boob job. Go get a massage instead. You’ll feel great and you won’t have to buy a bunch of new bras.

 

A Whiter Shade of Gray

senior-3336451_1920In the last several years, there has been growing popularity in older women and men being chic, fascinating and featured in magazines. Well, why not? Older people have this “been there, done that” attitude and are going to continue doing what they want. Old does not mean slow, stupid or even about to die.

Our bodies are aging, each and every day. We know that. Yes, our brains do too, but that does not equate to being senile. We have a wealth of experiential knowledge that helps us to make quick and powerful decisions. We are no longer burdened by the “image” society has picked for us. We can sky-dive if it so pleases us. We can get married when we are in our 90s. If we want to wear florals, stripes and sequins all in the same outfit, so be it. “Insta-Grannies” are all the rage now. I won’t list them, because by now you will have seen, read or are following most of them.

Is this a fad that will slowly fade away as many of these icons pass on? A fad is something that gets worn out and loses its appeal. If we are all aging, then we are all fads. So why not be so individually cool that you never outlive your time?

active-cyclist-elderly-264073What these ultra-cool elders are really showing us is that you must keep going and growing in order to live your best life. Having your 60th birthday, or whatever age you deem to be old, is not an automatic indicator that you must now move to an assisted-living facility and wear Velcro shoes. A continually stimulated brain will spur you into stimulating your body. Walk, dance, climb, hike, swim, sky-dive, whatever challenges you want to place upon your body – just go for it. Be safe; just because you can do it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care for your body. Our muscles don’t recover as quickly as they used to, and our bones aren’t as strong as they used to be either.

barca-473854_1920Are you a widower and think that because your spouse of 50 years is gone, you should just sit alone in your tiny new apartment? Au contraire, my friend. Loneliness will kill you faster than your one martini with dinner. Why not a companion to share that martini with? There is no social demand that you be married. Living in sin, if you call it that, is far more fun than withering away by yourself.

Many seniors become entrepreneurs. Done with the working-for-someone-else world, many active adults start new businesses built upon hobbies or passions. We have a lifetime of skills and workplace savvy to make it lucrative.

How about a little Botox, sculpting, or other cosmetic enhancements? False eyelashes and eyeliner aren’t just for the 20-something set. Whatever you choose to make yourself look and feel better should be just to make yourself feel better, and not about what anyone else says.

old-2742052_1920Growing older isn’t an easy thing. The changes in your body can be very frustrating. The lapses in memory are annoying. Don’t let them overwhelm you. Be kind and loving to yourself. Use them as opportunities to slow down and savor the moments of each day. You now have time to do all the fun things you put off while you were working and raising children.

You might even have time to go sky-diving with your grandkids while wearing your new purple-sequinned jumpsuit.

A-Dior-able

images[5]On February 12, 1947, Christian Dior launched the “New Look” collection from his Paris couture house. The world was recovering from World War II, and its austere, masculine clothing. The New Look returned the feminine silhouette with a full bustline, tiny waist and curvy hips. I believe that it reminded the world that the feminine, nurturing energy was returning. It was criticized as being a wasteful luxury when times were still lean. Thus is the power of the feminine energy, to create, to nurture, to honor the need to pamper our souls.

Today, my Sweetie and I attended the Dior exhibit at the Denver Art Museum. The show is in its final tour, ending on March 17th. The exhibit included dozens of beautiful gowns and suits, beginning with the classic “Bar Suit” categorized by a creamy fitted jacket and a black, calf-length full skirt. Think Lucille Ball in her heyday. From the simple suit to fabulous gowns of detailed embroidery and gems, lean silhouettes to curvaceous sweeps, all stunning in this gorgeous collection.

 

I, myself, enjoyed the blatant outrageousness of John Galliano. Highly satirical, if you studied the garments closely. One fabulous gown, that I failed to take of photo of, (God knows why not), which I dubbed “Queen in Bondage”. Bejeweled red satin, the bodice was a tightly fitted corset style with the seeming intent to expose the breasts, although there was a bit a fabric tucked in to keep it decent. Or so I assume. The skirt flared out from the knees, mermaid style, looking almost impossible to move in. The entire garment was capped by an innocuous-appearing crown. Luxurious, over-the-top, this gown defined Galliano’s evil genius. Too bad he couldn’t limit his antics to design instead of running off at the mouth.

IMG_20190303_115107239 (1)Like all art, fashion is beauty in the eyes of the beholder. For women in general, it is the living expression of our soul. You can wake up in the morning ready to deal with what is likely going to be a sh*tty day, and instead, choose to arm yourself with a great outfit. Fake it ‘til you make it, or so they say. Dressing in your favorite outfit, because you know you look fabulous in it, will change the day into something great. And I hate to disappoint you guys, but women don’t usually dress for men unless they are hunting for a husband or boyfriend. As designer Betsey Johnson said “if girls dressed for boys they’d just walk around naked at all times”. Just notice when you are in a public place, most of the women are looking at each other and often commenting about shoes and handbags.

Why? Because we are just f-ing adorable.

Waist Not, Want Not

belly-2354_1920Remember when a tiny waist was so important?  You would measure yourself daily and if there was a slight variation, you would starve yourself or do those twisty exercises or maybe just suck it in for the next week.  Once you are in the menopause-ing years, that tiny waist should be as forgotten as eight-track tapes.

I read a story once about maiden, mother and matron.  The maiden had a tiny waist to attract a really good husband, as a place for his hands to hold her.  The mother’s waist expanded so that when she held her child, the head was supported and placed for nurturing.  The matron’s waist was much thicker as to provide warmth and comfort on a cold night.  Hmmm.  Seems like our waist is only for the benefit of others.

Our middle section has been a focal point of our physical body since we discovered we had one.  Thick, thin, poochy, six-pack muscles, we spend more time on it than brushing our teeth.

Does your waistline trouble you?  Review your diet.  Do you need to clean up your eating habits?  Maybe go grain-free and check out the plan in “Wheat Belly” by William Davis M.D.  A ketogenic diet might work well so read “Fat for Fuel” by Joseph Mercola M.D.  If you have health issues, review them with your doctor.  It might be time to ditch the TV watching and go for a walk.  If you are physically impaired, roll your wheelchair down the sidewalk and experience the healthful benefits of fresh air and sunshine.

If you have taken the necessary steps to be your best self and your waistline still is not what you want, then it is time to accept this change.  Wrap your arms around your middle and give yourself a big hug.  That is what Loving Your Sh*t is all about.

Note: while the story about the waist was a cute fictional version, Maiden-Mother-Crone is considered the Triple Goddess in Neopaganism and often a woman’s power symbol in Celtic lore.  I also like to consider the waist area as symbolic of the third chakra – the solar plexus – as the area associated with personal power.  Claiming your personal and feminine power might actually strengthen and tighten up your waist.

Me, My Selfie, and I

OMG, I can’t believe how good my hair looks today. I should’ve worn different earrings, they don’t really match my dress. My lipstick looks off. And. . . HHOOONNNKKKK!!!! Well sh*t, another double caramel macchiato ruined.

Didn’t your mother tell you to look both ways before you cross the street? To watch where you were going?

christmas-1871085_640The Selfie Obsession is overtaking the world. Preoccupation with looks, clothing, jewelry and location-location-location has nearly gotten many people injured or killed.

I remember as a teenager and young adult being overly concerned with how I looked. I believe that’s quite normal as you are developing a sense of who you are and who you want to be. Much of that includes how you appear to others. It might have been hours in front of the mirror, making sure every hair strand was where it was supposed to be and your makeup was perfect. Then a pile of discarded clothes as you picked the perfect outfit. I began sewing at a young age so I could have choices that I liked.

As you get older, you have less time to fuss and begin to develop an acceptance. Sometimes you would look in the mirror and think “f*ck” and go anyway. Those moments weren’t always the best choice when you figured out later in the day that white underwear wasn’t necessarily the right choice to wear under white pants.

mirror-1138098_640Since the creation of those magical cell phone cameras, preoccupation with appearance has morphed into obsessive levels. I’m not sure I understand it since I think I have taken one selfie in my life and promptly deleted it. I’m not that excited about close-up photos. I think selfies have gone way beyond checking your appearance or sharing a moment with friends. I heard on the news that it has now been termed “Selfitis”.IMG_0195

Let’s examine that word. “Self” meaning your essential being. “-itis” as related to inflammatory diseases. So does that mean you are an inflamed being? Are you a disease that needs to be treated? With what? Your cell phone camera?! I suppose it’s better than some drug. But why would you think there is something wrong with you? I’ve read that many people have such anxiety about how they look that they feel compelled to take a selfie. Don’t you know you are a beautiful human being?

Put your phone down, give yourself a big hug and smile. . .at everyone around you. They’ll smile back and then you won’t need a device to validate your loveliness.

The Men In My Closet

I know that sounds kinky. It’s not. Not even remotely. Get your mind out of the gutter.

I confess I have an attachment to fashion labels. Yes, shallow and easily swayed by a name. There is quite a crowd in my closet and I love them all. Tommy, Louis, Christian, Brian, Marc, Manolo, Franco, Michael and some I’m probably forgetting. Sorry guys. There are women there too – Kate, Cynthia, Miucci and Anna. But it seems that men are really good at creating beautiful things for women, especially shoes. I am thankful for this.

Why do women need Men In Their Closet? Yes, we know we have fourteen pairs of black shoes. Yes, we wear them all. It’s fun and it makes us feel good. When I put on a favorite outfit, I feel like I’m getting an upgrade. I smile. I stand taller. I start my day on happy

feet. A great outfit can actually turn a sh*tty day into something tolerable. Sure I look in the mirror, but why not? If. It. Makes. Me. Feel. Good. It. Is. A. Good. Thing. And if I feel good and am happy, then it radiates out to everyone around me and they feel good. Bonus!

Let’s hear it for the Boys!