He Said, She Said

silhouette-2480321_1280There is a lot of finger-pointing between the sexes these days.  No one is right, yet no one is wrong.  It appears to be battle of control, when what it really should be is a balance of power.

Energy must be balanced in order to flow.

In every effective relationship, there is a balance of feminine and masculine energy.  This is not limited to gender nor sexual preference.  Feminine energy is receptive and sensing-feeling.  Masculine energy is giving and thinking-doing. 

Women can be masculine energy, and that doesn’t mean that they look like men or lack femininity.  Likewise, men can be feminine energy and still look and act masculine.  It is only how the energy is processed.

I am a masculine energy, very feminine woman.  I have friends and acquaintances who are similar.  I am in a heterosexual relationship and am a total fashionista.  I am highly intelligent and get more sh*t done in a day than many people do in a week.  My sweetie is a feminine energy male, who is also very intelligent and a creative former ironworker.  He appreciates my forward thinking.  Neither of us is weak and neither of us is in charge of the relationship.  Because we have a balanced energy relationship, the energy can shift back and forth depending upon our needs, desires and skills.  Good relationships have this ebb and flow.

The problem comes from two same-energy people in a relationship.  Two masculine energy people will constantly fight for control.  Two feminine energy people will passively want their way.  In either situation, neither get their needs met nor get sh*t done.  Trying to pretend you are one type, when you are not, does not work either.  Just like coloring your hair, the dark roots will always grow out the blonde.  Why create more conflict to an already conflicted situation?

The first step is to acknowledge your energy type.  Forget the male-female, masculine-feminine typecast for a bit.  Ask this question instead: are you more offended if someone calls you stupid or if they call you ugly?  If being called stupid sets you off, then you are more likely masculine energy, whereas you don’t give a rat’s a$$ if they call you ugly.  You might also get irritated and impatient by people who cry all the time.  If being called ugly makes you cry, then you are likely feminine energy.  Your feelings are more important than whether or not you know how to calculate the return on investment.  Again, neither energy type is right or wrong.  Just learn to be happy with which one you are.  You will have a happier life if you do.

I almost wonder if what we are seeing in the world today is from real energy types finally emerging.  Perhaps the conflict is more from within and easier to project on someone else than to acknowledge what is.  Internal conflict can turn nice people into alien life forms from hell.  Figure out what type you are, but throw away the label.  The energy will settle down and fall into balance.

Because it is better to be happy than to be right.

Rest and Digest

brunch-788499_1920Or not eating while you are stressed.  I’ve been reading a book “The Microbiome Diet” by Raphael Kellman, MD  (Da Capo Lifelong Books, 2014) and it is about getting your gut healthy to boost your immune system and lose weight.  Very helpful and a good read.

There is a section in the book that talks about eating while you are stressed and that your body says “we are at war and need to hold onto every last drop of food ‘cause starvation’s coming!”  (statement, mine)  I agree, because what do we so often do when we’re in squirrel-chasing mode but shovel in food.  Usually crap that makes you feel horrible in the middle of the night when your body gets around to deciding whether or not to digest it.

Stress can be blamed for everything.  Sort of like a younger sibling.  Only meaner.  And with red hair.

So you gotta stop, unwind yourself from the electronic device, breathe deep and then sit down to dinner.  Without the television or device.  When was the last time you actually sat down to dinner and had a conversation with the people in your house?  Try it sometime, they have interesting things to say and there will be happy tummies on the way.  Keep doing that and you might not have a group cold virus ruling your house this winter.

I’ve been yapping a lot lately about how busy I have been.  Got some of those outdoor chores done, and I just finished a big project at work.  So I finally have a slow day, and I don’t know what to do with myself.  Hah!  See what happens when you are a stress-activated junkie and you don’t get your fix.  Ya just get more anxious.  So I made myself relax and enjoy the peaceful day.  When I sat down to lunch, after my walk, I did it with the idea of enjoying my food.  It wasn’t the greatest choice of food, but I took the time to savor and chew slowly.  It seemed to taste better and my tummy isn’t protesting.

Digesting isn’t just limited to eating.  Accepting new ideas, behaviors, situations, or whatever also need to be digested.  If you allow yourself to relax, you’ll clear your mind to accept or have the wisdom to make changes.

And then you’ll have more time to relax and have dinner with those strangers that live in your house.

Droid-ful

p1135496_e_v8_ab[1]Are you one of those people (like me) who continuously feel responsible for everyone and everything?  It gets to be exhausting, not to mention it just pisses you off when other people blissfully let you do their work.  You get on this endless treadmill of work-work-work and you never seem to have any time for yourself.  But you do have time by yourself, you are on that treadmill alone.  How do you get off?

Maybe you don’t really want to.

You have the power, after all.  You are calling the shots, and yes, it is controlling and enabling.    But none of this really makes you a terrible person.  There are often deep-seated reasons for your actions.

Behind control lives fear.  You have fear and anxiety of what might happen if you don’t keep control.  You like, no Need, your environment to be a certain way.  People who have experienced trauma, especially childhood trauma, often use control as a coping mechanism to avoid repeating the trauma.  If you do things to make your environment safe, or take on other people’s responsibilities to keep you safe, then somehow this translates to not repeating the event or issue.

But you will never feel safe until you give up control to the Universe to guide the outcome.

Another aspect of controlling actions is energetic sensitivity.  Maybe you perform the duties of others just to avoid being around them.  You know, that crabby complaining-about-everything person you have to work with.  You’ll do anything to keep them away.  Or the flip side, an under-performer who is a really awesome person and you don’t want them to get fired.  Neither of which serves them or you.  You are just an energetic sponge.

How do you protect yourself from this stuff?

First of all, you must let people be responsible for their own stuff.  How will they ever learn to be self-sufficient and thoughtful of others if you continue to interfere with their life lessons?  You are here for your own, why heap their pile on top?  Stop enabling and suffer through the outcome.  The reality is that it is never as bad as you imagined.  Sometimes those people really pull through and just surprise the hell out of you.

Secondly, deal with the trauma.  You will never heal if you don’t.

Anxiety is just obsessing over an unknown future.  You could get hit by a truck tomorrow and it will be all over and look what you missed out on.  If you focus on the now and doing whatever you need to do in the now, the future will become the now.  Practice grounding.  Grounding into the Earth keeps you connected in the now.  Create an energetic boundary.  Imagine yourself completely surrounded by an egg-shaped light.  It should be about three feet outside your body.  Imagine that it is impenetrable except for only love-based energy, which flows in and out.  Know that you are safe and secure inside this light.  This is great protection for the energy sensitive.

And know without a doubt, if you ask, the Universe will keep you safe and give you red-flag warnings of action steps that keep you safe.  The Universe will also provide you with the best possible outcome for your highest good.

Me, I’m thinking of getting a droid.  Sort of a clone of myself.  I’m going to program it with all the nonsensical, enabling, controlling behaviors that rule my inner world.  Then I’m going to lie down on the sofa, take a nap, and dream up ways to make my world lesson free.

Calming The Zoo

squirrel-316022_1280Sometimes the endless chatter in your head can make you feel like running and screaming.  Whether it’s your monkey mind or squirrel brain, feeling overwhelmed can be like living in a zoo.

Today’s world is fast and endless.  Technology drives the pace and global media points the direction.  We are turned on and tuned in, when sometimes we just need to shut it all off.  How many times a day do you reach for your cell phone or other personal data device?  If we do shut them off, we become starved for the electronic hit like a junkie desperate for a quick fix.

Technology is amazing, no doubt.  You can consult with a doctor, or watch a video on how to scope out the toilet.  A lot of useful things, but with the consequences that everything should be “on-demand”.  Including our brains.  We fuel up with caffeine and sugar to keep up with the hype and then wonder why we can’t fall asleep at night.  Counting sheep has been replaced by chasing squirrels.

Is it any wonder why so many undiagnosed illnesses that are treated with a pill end up creating one?

You don’t have to unplug to calm the zoo.  Even hyenas take time to eat, sleep and play.

One of the easiest methods to unwind is to ground yourself.  Hug a tree (like, for real), walk barefoot in the grass, put your feet in water or just simply imagine a cord attached like a tail to the base of your spine and going deep into the earth.  None of these things will harm the earth.  Mother Earth is very willing and able to dissipate your yuck energy if you give it to her.  She can take a lightning strike with ease, so you are no big deal.  Remember to breathe deeply while doing this as it helps move the squirrel energy out of you much quicker.

Deep breathing is another way to calm your mind and help you think clearly.  No need to go to that oxygen bar and waste your money.  Deep breathing can be done in about five secs.

Faster than clicking on the latest Twitter feed.

False Evidence Appearing Real

fear-2019930_1920Today is the 17th anniversary of the 9-11 attack, when terrorists crashed into the World Trade Center and brought death and destruction to many. I can look out my office window and watch emergency workers prepare for the memorial taking place in the community where I work.  I listened to Sammy Hagar’s song “Remember the Heroes” playing on the radio.

I remember the skies being silent that evening, no airplane contrails other than military jets on patrol.  A rather surreal silence, and underlying sense of unease because we knew not what was yet to come.   Disaster mobilized people into action and many heroes pressed through the smoke and debris to draw life from the rubble.  It was a day of shock for all of the United States, a day that changed many things forever.  A day that we all learned that Fear was a way of life.

What is fear, anyway?  In a lesser degree, it is the anxiety of not knowing the result of an anticipated outcome.  In a higher degree, it is allowing someone or something to have dominance over you.  Understandable, if they are holding a gun to your head.  When I think of fear, I think of the acronym:

False Evidence Appearing Real

Most often, fear is just that.  We believe something, we’re told to believe something, we make assumptions, we lack the knowledge or understanding of something.  I think ignorance is a great factor in fear.  Many equate ignorance with stupidity, but that is not always so.  Intelligent people can be ignorant, if they choose not to have understanding.  Ignorance can create hate too.  Refusing to understand someone or something with an underlying fear can totally erupt into hate.  And with 9-11, outright violence.

If you are afraid, ask yourself why?  Is it because you want control and feel you are lacking that?  How do you get control?  The only control you need is over yourself.  Your thoughts and beliefs are your own.  If you are afraid because you don’t know something, why don’t you ask questions?  Most people won’t get angry with you if you ask politely.  If not the direct approach, seek answers from other sources.  (Multiple sources, please, not just one social media posting.)  Knowledge is the best armor you can have.  It won’t protect you from everything and everyone, but it will keep your monkey mind from conjuring up more false evidence.  Knowledge helps to open your mind.  An open mind connects you to the Universe.  The Universe fills you with light and the more light we bring to the planet the less room there is for fear.

And fear will no longer be real.

Be-Labored

bees-44503_1280Tomorrow is Labor Day in the U.S., a day when we celebrate and honor all of those who bust their a$$ on a daily basis to get sh*t done.  If there weren’t people around who get sh*t done, we’d still be roasting rodents over a fire in a cave.

The reality is that Labor Day is just another reason for people to roast things on their grills and drink a lot of alcohol.  Yes, you know you will.  I would be too, except I’ve had a little tummy virus for a few days and it’s enough to find food that my tummy will tolerate.

You have probably heard the expression: are you working to live or living to work?  That is certainly thought provoking, but I really think we do both.  You work to have the means to obtain things you need or want: food, shelter, clothing, shoes, we all have a list.  You could be working and doing something you absolutely love and enjoy doing, which will also enable you to obtain those things.  If you are doing something you don’t like, but it also enables you to obtain those things is it really that bad?  But what if you are doing something you hate and it doesn’t get you anything?  You have to ask yourself, “why?”

Everyone works, whether it is for enjoyment, for money, for caretaking, or any other reason.  Even people that sit on their a$$ all day and seemingly do nothing except maybe complain, well that takes work too.  They are very busy conjuring up excuses as to how busy they think they are.  That’s very tiring.  And then they have to keep all those excuses straight in their head so they don’t get caught in their denial.

Some people have a hard time not working.  They can’t sit still, they can’t watch TV, they can’t simply be a lazy slug for an hour.  Hell, they probably even work in their sleep.  I’m kind of one of those people, however, I have been training myself to make time to do the occasional mindless thing.  And you know what?  I feel better and I still get sh*t done.  And when you get sh*t done, life moves on.

Here’s to all the worker bees and wanna-bees – try bee-ing one.

Your Body, Your Choice

 

clothes-2029337_1280If you follow my blog, you know that I write about emotional issues and beliefs, many of which are from personal experience.  I pose challenging questions in the hopes that you think about them and make changes so you can live your best life.  I wish that for everyone and that is what we are here for.

This time, I am asking you to challenge your beliefs.  It is a very controversial subject, but one that is near-and-dear to me both personally and professionally.

It is the choice of when to have or not have a baby.

Babies are very precious.  They bring much needed light and life to the world and teach us that humans are amazing.  Because they are so precious, they deserve to be born into a family that is ready and able to give them the love and care they need to thrive.

Human beings are biologically wired to have sex, which can lead to procreation.  Males are wired to have it quickly and often.  Females take their time to choose the best mate.  Increasing the vitality of the herd, so to speak.  The human component of this is a loving family.

Biology rules, in spite of our denial of it.  The moment we start producing hormones, the urge to mate begins.  I’m sure that the global impact of media and entertainment can stimulate this somewhat prematurely, but nothing stops biology.  Certainly not denial.  It is important to acknowledge this.  Acknowledge what might be happening.  That preteen, supposedly studying with a friend in their bedroom while you are snoozing during the evening news.  The college student, far away from home for the first time, is lonely and goes to a party with friends.  The adult, emotionally battered from a neglected childhood, equating love with sex.  And the list goes on.

The biggest gift you can give your child is teaching them the facts of biology and how to respect and honor their body.  Their body, their choice.  Teach them that No is a complete sentence.  Teach them to respect someone else’s no and move on.  Teach them to protect their body from disease or unintended pregnancy.  Teach them to honor someone else’s decision to protect their body.  Your child is precious.

The argument is that a baby is a gift from Spirit.  Well, absolutely.  No argument there.

I truly believe that Spirit created human bodies with unconditional love.  We are placed upon Earth with Free Will choice in order to experience life and grow our spirit.  The ultimate goal is to live our best life, give and receive love, and find our way back to Spirit.  If all of this is true, and Spirit gifted us with Free Will Choice, doesn’t that mean we get to decide when to have, or not have, a baby?  Isn’t honoring your body a Thank You to Spirit for its creation?

If instead we believe that this is entirely up to Spirit, why would Spirit allow a baby to be born into an abusive home with possibly fatal consequences?  If we exercised our free will choice, then isn’t that like protecting the baby prior to its conception?

Babies are precious.

This subject has deep personal meaning to me.  If my birth parents had the resources to protect their bodies, I wouldn’t be here.  I am okay with that.  I may have, instead, been born into a loving home and not had to spend most of my life struggling to resolve the emotional damage from my present life.  My mother was a teenager when I was born.  She missed graduation and all the other fun things of teenage and young adult life.  Her boyfriend, my father, was older – an adult – and chose not to give up his lifestyle for family life.  I held little interest for him since I wasn’t a boy.  Three lives have been impacted by not having a choice.  Well, I suppose I wouldn’t be trying to help others if I hadn’t had that experience.

Professionally, I am at the front lines of the consequences of unintended pregnancies.  I work for a government social services agency.  Thankfully, I handle money and not directly interact with clients – it would break my heart.  Each month, we experience these results.  Each year it costs more and we receive less funding to provide services.  We treat sexually transmitted infections, dispense planning methods, do cervical cancer screenings, process paternity tests, accept child support payments, authorize public assistance payments to families who can’t afford to feed their growing family and much more.  The numbers keep growing and the costs go up.  We rescue babies and children from homes where the parents struggle with substance abuse, have mental health issues, incur sexual abuse, bring violence into the home that may result in a fatality.  There are too many children in foster homes.  These homes are expensive.  Some of these children never return to their birth family.  Some of them may get adopted by a loving family, but even then, a few are returned to foster care because the new family cannot cope with the severe emotional and behavioral issues of the children.  It tears at my heart to see these numbers growing.  When and where does it stop!!!

Denial will not stop it.  Celibacy will not stop it.  Incarceration will not stop it.

It stops where it begins.  Your Body, Your Choice.

Honor and respect your body by making the choice.  Honor and thank Spirit for your body by making the choice.  But most of all, honor the babies and children by letting them be born to someone who is ready and capable of loving and caring for them.

Because. . .babies are precious.

 

For Kathy B: It is not how many you reach, but reaching the one who gets the message.  For each one who does, the energy will radiate out and multiply.  Many Blessings.

You’re Not Good Enough

hand-1923005_1920What?  Why not?  This is usually our first response.  But maybe, the best response is “for what?”

What is “not good enough?”  Most of the time it is someone else’s expectation of us.  Are they right?  And if they are, should you really be worried about that?  Yeah, maybe, if they are paying you for your performance.  You could have an off day or you are ill, but they should give you a break for that.  If you are consistently not up to the expectations they have outlined for you, well then, you probably aren’t good enough.  But you might be good enough for someone else.

And you are damn sure good enough for you.

Always remember that the Creator made you and you were absolutely good enough then, so why wouldn’t you be now?

Expectations.  Others, of course, but really of yourself.  How many times do you let yourself down, because you don’t think you are good enough or capable enough?  Do you start with the self-expectation that you aren’t, so you somehow sabotage your efforts to prove yourself right?

How would that change if you believed, or just known, that you could do something?  If that is true, you are most likely already there and don’t even think about it.

Expectations can push us or punish us.  They should push us and make us want to grow, to change, to be better than we were the day before.  Expectations should help others strive too.  Rather than punishing someone for not meeting our expectations, tell them how you feel.  “I don’t like it when you don’t pick up after yourself.  The room looks dirty and cluttered.  I get tired because I feel like I have to pick up your stuff.”  Rather than telling them they are stupid or lazy or dictating that they have to do something, you are bringing it back to how you feel.  Sharing your feelings is healthy and gives the other person the opportunity to do better.

And then they can change their expectations and see that they are good enough.

Kickoff

football-1488156_1920Football season has begun.  The first pre-season game has been played and many of the players, as well as some of the coaches, are wondering what their future holds.  A crowd-pleasing punt return; the dejection of an intercepted pass; or the season-ending injury will change the tide for many.

We are still in the midst of summer so the tantalizing smell of grilled meat fills the air.  The “splursh” of a pop-top can spreads the yeasty scent of beer.  Chlorine, coconut oil and wet dog hair.  The sounds of summer echo with the squealing giggles of children playing.  Summer is for play, whether you are a big kid or small.  It is no wonder the game of football begins in the middle of summer.

braai-2572725_1920Football games can change the mood of traffic.  Fortunes are won and lost on chancy bets.  Big money rolls through the NFL in the form of salary caps, signing bonuses and the inevitable Super Bowl commercials.  How many Clydesdales have marched across the television screen?

We worry and stress over the players lives and the weekly games as much as we worry about what to have for dinner.  And forget that football is just a game to entertain us on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.  It’s not much different than watching “The Voice” or “American Idol”.  Relax, football friends, I’m not picking on football, just making a comparison.  I get all edgy, too, when I watch the Broncos.

football-801047_1280So why do we get all twisted up when we watch a football game?  The action and suspense, of course.  And then there is the beauty of watching a pack of incredible physical specimens do amazing things with their bodies.  Football [and its European counterpart, soccer] is an enjoyable diversion in our lives.  When some strong-armed guy launches a football downfield and a speed demon latches onto it with one hand, tucks it into his chest and runs hell-bent for leather to a touchdown. .  . well, it’s pretty easy to forget all about the big report you have to write the next day.  Or maybe when you have to kick-off a big project, you’ll have that touchdown in mind and the process just might seem a little easier.

I say, go for the two-point conversion and maybe you’ll get a bonus.  It might be just enough to go and see your favorite team play in the Super Bowl.

Money Is The Root of All Believe-il

money-2724241_1920Poverty conscious or abundance.  Which would you choose?  Well, duh, abundance.  Why wouldn’t you?  If your belief system is rooted in poverty or lack, abundance might not seem to be a choice.

It is and you can have abundance in your life, but first you have to change your beliefs.

What might be readily apparent in your life, such as always thinking you’ll never have enough money or you’ll never be able to get out of the situation you are in, can be changed.  Yes, it can.  You know the saying “what goes around, comes around”?  That is the key to changing your life to accept abundance.

What messages do you tell yourself?  Whether it is something you say out loud or just think, those messages become reality.  When you go to the grocery store, do you think “jeez, all I can afford is lousy mac and cheese”?  Nothing wrong with mac and cheese, it’s the thought of that’s all you can afford.  When you take your car in for new tires, do you think “jeez, these a$$holes overcharge me for everything”?  Now what do you think will happen with thoughts like that.  You will overpay for those tires.  What you put out there comes right back to you.

What if the message was “I am so grateful/happy I can provide for my family or myself with good food”.  Or “I am really glad I have new tires for my car so I can be safe on the road and drive it for a long time”.  What do you think happens then?  Your experience will change.  Take it one step further “I am really glad/happy/grateful that I have a nice grocery store [tire shop] nearby that offers good service and good prices.  The people there are really nice and helpful”.  How does your view of the situation change?

This is not about being fake, blowing sunshine up someone’s a$$, or winning the lottery the next day.  (The lottery might not be out of the question, if your belief system is structured that way.)  A simple, “I feel good about this situation” is all it takes.  Just a brief moment of sincerity can cause ripples of abundance to flow through the Universe and stream right back to you.

What goes around, comes around and quite often multiplied.

Pay attention to the garbage that rolls around in your head.  Consider it fertilizer, if you must, to grow a new garden of thoughts.  Try thanking yourself for getting good food at the grocery store, for having enough money to meet your needs.  Then thank the Universe for providing abundance in all forms.

And look around you and see all the abundance that you might have missed when you were agonizing over the mac and cheese.