The Winners of the World

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Image by AxxLC from Pixabay

It is Sunday, which means football, which means that – once again – I am writing a football inspired article. Why? Well, I like watching the sport, but there is just so much inspiration to be found in such a hard-driven game.

There are, of course, winners and losers in each game and each season. There has to be; that’s why it is a competitive game. No one would watch otherwise.

What makes a Loser? And why would I start with that? Because it is too easy to talk about a Winner. A Loser can happen for various reasons. Not feeling good enough comes to mind first. A Winner can feel that way too, and so pushes themselves that much harder. That isn’t so bad, unless the endless quest pushes you into a nervous breakdown or serious injury. You can have an off day or feel ill, which could make you a Loser for that day. That could make you a Winner if you realize that sometimes you need to rest and recover instead of pushing yourself harder.

You could have a bad rapport with your mentor or coach, so you make a bad decision based upon bad direction. If you can adapt or resolve the situation, you become a Winner. Sometimes choosing to leave the situation altogether can be winning.

A true Winner knows how to change their circumstances through the power of choice. A Loser believes they have no choice. Not choosing at all is still a choice. Even if you are part of a team, and your team is experiencing a loss, you still have a choice to be a Winner. You played your best; you did your best work; you did something that made you feel good about yourself – makes you a Winner.

So get out there and kick some a$s, even if it is just your own.

It’s 90 Degrees Out, Who Turned Up The Heat?

St Lucia (2)Reposted from October 25, 2017

Hot flashes. The burning hellfire of menopause, rising up from who knows where to singe the hair right off your head. It can only be experienced and not explained. I swear I could cook an egg on my forehead.

Hot flashes, in all their sear-isness, serve a symbolic purpose during this transition. It is truly a TRANSITION. You are rising up out of your nurturing, selfless years and becoming the woman you were meant to be all along. This is not to downgrade nor demean those nurturing years. God knows too many of us did not get the nurturing we needed as children. However, we all too often buried our own needs to care for others. Sometimes with too much resentment and even anger. Hot flashes represent all that buried angst.

They burn upwards from our core and into our brain, activating those turbulent memories. It is time to deal and heal. Pull that dirt out of your head and heart and look at it for what it was. The hellfire will burn even hotter if you don’t forgive yourself and release it. A burning fire always stops so your pain-filled reminders will too. The more you examine the past and allow yourself to really feel all the emotions, the quicker you will be able to let go and the hot flashes will simmer down.Curacao

And then you will be able to move forward and create a joyful and meaningful life filled with interesting activities that you design. Oh, the best is yet to come!

Plus, you’ll be able to empty the linen closet of all those flannel sheets you no longer need.

Do Forward

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Image by Michal Jarmoluk from Pixabay

You’ve heard the term “do over”. Typically it is combined with a lasting feeling of regret. Why would you beat yourself up if you did the best you could, with what you had, at the time you did it?

Whenever we have some goal we want to accomplish, or a continual way of doing something, we study, learn and practice with the intent to become better. Sometimes our goals include a competitive event or testing of some sort to determine our proficiency. And then the self-judgement sets in and we wish for a “do over”.

Why not look at it from a different perspective and consider it a “do forward”? Ditch the regrets, the shame, the sadness, even the anger and focus forward instead of backwards. Looking back keeps you stuck backwards. How can you envision your future if your gaze is on what you should have done? See each new moment as a brand new opportunity to stretch, to grow, to reach beyond what you though you could do. Why would you want to do over if you could do different?

Think about the movie “Ground Hog Day”, in which the character woke up over and over to the same day. Sure, it may have been an opportunity to do something different, but it was THE SAME DAY. The environment was never different and neither were the people. So by doing over, you never get the chance to experience something new.

Maybe the day you had your competitive event was crappy weather. Would you want a do over in that? No, you’d rather have better weather. Maybe you had a mild cold the day you took your test. Would you want a do over with a runny nose, or would you rather have good health?

By doing forward, you open yourself to new possibilities, a new environment, and the ability to bring a new you to your event. Imagine what you could do.

Innocent-ive

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Image by KDArtStudio from Pixabay

Innocent is the baby sister of the twins Blame and Shame. She sees that at the core of humanness is the pure divine light of creation. This light is the soul connection to Spirit, with the innocence of a baby. Within this pure light, there is no blame, no shame, just the love that we are created with.

Innocent knows that even though we are human with flaws and imperfections, her sisters want to make a big deal out of those bumps and blemishes. She continually reminds them that the only thing wrong is the tendency to hate themselves.

The anger and fear that we project on others is simply the avoidance of acknowledging and accepting our own imperfections. We turn these emotions inward as self-hatred instead of nurturing and loving the blemishes we carry. Perhaps you were unloved and unwanted as a child. This may have instilled a belief within you that something was wrong. Shame became your new best friend, because you couldn’t trust human friendship. Your misguided view of yourself manifested into outward traits of being unlovable. Maybe you were excessively shy and avoided people. Maybe you didn’t care for your physical appearance. Maybe you were defensive and belligerent. You unconsciously put yourself around people who treated you badly. Blame joined her sister and you had a way to fight back.

If this has been your pattern, it is time to look deep within yourself and recognize the beautiful innocent core of your being. Spirit would not have created you and made you human if you were not lovable. Sure, you may have flaws, but Spirit was not looking for perfection. Those flaws are there to grow your spirit in order to grow Spirit. Think about that for a moment. Spirit is all loving and all abundant so why would Spirit need a human? Obviously Spirit wants and needs your imperfections to become even more loving and abundant. How awesomely cool is that? Do you now understand how important you are to Spirit? Even Blame and Shame are important to Spirit, because without them there would be no reminder of their baby sister, Innocent.

That just gives you more Innocent-ive to love yourself.

The Twin Sisters – Blame & Shame

Reposted from October 21, 2017

You know them.  They lived across the alley behind you when you were a kid and their entire existence was devoted to making you feel bad.twins-1422162_640

Blame’s game (I rhymed!) was to make you point your bony little finger at every person that made you feel bad and make it all Their fault.  Shame’s claim to fame was name-calling.  Namely you.  You know the words: stupid, ugly, fat, skinny, short, slut, lazy, the list goes on.  And you are carrying that same sh*t with you today.  It is time to tell them b*tches to take a hike!

Blaming just keeps you tied to that person forever.  Everyone says to forgive.  You think you can’t.  There is nothing in forgiveness that says what that person did is acceptable.  Forgiveness is deciding that it is not worth your time to hold onto those feelings.  Do you really think they feel bad?  No.  They did not feel bad when they did whatever they did to you so why would that change?  Holding onto the blame is never going to change anything.  All it does it keep you from moving onto to better things.  It is time to let that sh*t go.  Imagine that you are holding a flaming sword.  Cut that string that ties you together.  Burn it.  And move on.

Shaming is just nasty words you say to yourself.  Why?  Don’t you know you are a wonderful, beautiful person?  The Creator put you here in human perfection.  The Creator ain’t no f*ck-up so why would you think You are?  You are worthy and deserving of a wonderful life.  Start by telling yourself that.  Look in the mirror and say: “I Am Total Awesome-ness”.  Don’t laugh.  YES.  YOU.  ARE.  By doing this every day, you train your brain to think this way.  And then you get an even better benefit – other people will recognize this and treat you like you treat yourself.  Bonus!

BTW, Blame and Shame left the country.

Put Me In, Coach

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Image by Keith Johnston from Pixabay

“Centerfield” is a classic rock song by John Fogerty, released in 1985 about someone telling the coach that they were ready to play, and in center field. It’s that fighting spirit that all coaches want to see.

I know it is about baseball, which I’m not that interested in, but I often use sports analogies when I’m writing to demonstrate my meaning.

We know that a good coach can bring out the best in their athletes and lead them to a winning season. A good coach has passion, can read their players, can encourage them and most of all, know the game. They need to be able to teach the players the mechanics and techniques that work the best, but at the same time encourage them to go beyond. At times, they also must be tough, and not afraid to crawl all up in someone’s sh*t if they aren’t pulling their weight.

Coaches aren’t limited to sports. They can be those rah-rah people around you, cheering you on during life victories. There are also professional life coaches, with formulas for success, who lead seminars and write books for self-help people.

I am beginning to think of myself as a life coach. It wasn’t something I aspired to, as my passion was always about design. Coaching was more of a calling born out of dealing with my own life issues and learning. I can say I am passionate about spirituality and metaphysics, having studied them for over 40 years. I have taken classes for developing psychic abilities and healing. As I got older and realized that my early years were having an impact on my choices and behavior patterns, I knew I needed to do something about them. I went to talk therapists, psychics and energy healers. They made a difference, but ultimately, I knew that the changes had to come from within me. Since I learn best through reading and research, I delved into the world of self-help. I practiced the behavior modification techniques often recommended, and the best one for me was to call out my inner child and mother her in the way that she didn’t get. That shifted a whole lot of the baggage I carried.

I was so impacted by my changes that I wanted to share with others. Whenever I have (and still do) encounter someone having difficulties, I reach out with personal experiences and suggestions for making changes. (Not being a medical professional, I don’t diagnose or attempt to treat those with severe issues.) I often feel guilty afterwards; who am I to tell someone how to run their life? But I have learned, and done this myself, people will hear what they want to hear and ignore the rest. Thus, no offense given, and none taken.

I’m not ready to take the step into professional coach. I still carry doubts about “lecturing” people on how to manage their life. I’m also concerned about being overwhelmed by the demands, so I keep reminding myself to take baby steps. Writing this blog is a baby step. I can tackle an issue, make suggestions and put them out there for people to accept or not. If I’m using this as a training ground, then I realize that I’m not really telling anyone what to do, just making recommendations and how-tos for making life better. Sort of like showing someone with basic cable what they could get if they sign up for the 250+ package. Woo-hoo!, because the biggest win in life is living a good life.

If there is a topic you would like me to address, for the good of one and all, then please comment back.

Or just say “put me in, Coach, I’m ready to change!”.

Ad Infinitum

infinity-584674_1920If you take the number 8 and turn it on its side, you have the symbol of infinity. It can also mean abundance. Today is 8/8, a double dose of abundance. Jackpot!

What does abundance mean to you? Most people think of money or food, but it can mean anything including people. Whether you have it or not depends upon your belief system. Some belief systems almost demand you live a life of poverty. Others an excess to the point of waste. I think it is all a matter of opinion and nothing to get worked up over. After all, it is a choice of what you believe, whether it is consciously or not.

Abundance is there for everyone, regardless of belief or choice. Look around you and see what is abundant. It can be material things: homes, cars, clothing, toys, tech items and so on. It can be life-sustaining things: food, water, medicine. And what we don’t think of as abundance, non-material things: relationships, caring, love, support, weather, generosity, and all these other gifts.

Do you feel abundant? Why not? The world is filled with everything you need to have a fun and joyful life, so why aren’t you partaking of Spirit’s bounty for you? Too often it is just our beliefs that block us from receiving good things, things to sustain us, things to enjoy. Denying ourselves of what we need is not necessary. I think it might make Spirit a little sad that we wouldn’t accept food, shelter or love from another.

Today, being 8/8, holds powerful energy. It is a good day for opening yourself to receiving what you need to make your life better. Now you may need to take some action steps. Not all of Spirit’s gifts magically appear the minute you ask. It might mean getting a better job that comes with more income. It might mean taking a chance on that cute single neighbor who waves at you from across the street. It might mean accepting the offer of a bag of groceries from a stranger. Sometimes these gifts appear and we don’t see them for what they are. A gift, just for you. To show you that life is abundant.

Because Spirit’s gifts are infinite.

The Importance of Doing Nothing

window-view-1081788_1920Do this, do that, go here, pick up that, cook, clean, eat, wash and keeping running. Don’t you just wish you could have five damn minutes to yourself?

Why not?

We always think we need a day off, or a vacation, to take time to relax and recharge. And end up packing in so many activities we end up more tired than we started. So why not just give yourself a little treat every day.

Five minutes, is all.

Five minutes where you just sit and do absolutely nothing. No thinking, no checking your phone, no making lists or any other damn thing. Just sitting and breathing.

Oh sure, you say, my mind fills up with all the stuff I need to do. So. It will all still be there five minutes from now. Just try it. Put down your phone and sit. Well, set the timer on your phone if you need to, but then set it down. Now close your eyes and breathe. Let all those busy thoughts just scroll through your head like movie credits. Don’t focus on any one of them. Maybe focus on your breathing, in-out, in-out. You may even notice your heart rate slowing down. Ah, peace.

Try doing this at least once a day. Then do it when you are feeling the most stressed. You’ll find that your rapid thoughts will slow down and formulate into action steps. Whatever problem you were struggling with might get resolved.

All because instead of doing something, you did nothing. Feel better now?

Losing My Religion

golden-1321410_1280Uh-oh, she’s going to write about THAT?! Yes. I. Am. It shouldn’t be any more of a heated topic than, say, chili cheese fries. Neither of which are very appetizing.

I was raised in a religion-oriented household. We went to services, gave money and followed the doctrine. I dutifully went to religious education, which was much more about the rules than about God. When I got older, I asked “why can’t I just talk to God?” Then I really learned about not disobeying rules.

There is nothing wrong with rules in general, especially those about keeping us safe. Clean water, speed limits, fences and the like. Because some people wear their underwear too tight so they are pissy and crabby all day, and then shoot a couple of people standing next to them. And let’s face it, some people are just plain dumb.

Anyway, the religious rules I learned didn’t make sense to me. What does not eating meat on Friday have to do with God? I mean really, God made cows, so why shouldn’t we eat them? (Kid logic) So when I was about 15, I decided to learn about ALL the rules. I went to the local library, which thankfully had a vast variety of books on every subject, and buried myself in the religious stacks. I studied Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, Christianity, Taoism, Hinduism and so on. When I finished with that, Pagan, Wiccan, Shamans and more. Worked my way through metaphysical studies. That was a lot books. Do you know what I discovered?

Almost every one of them was a bunch of rules written by (mostly) men in silly outfits that dictated when, where and what to believe in, and very little about a non-human supreme being.

People get all worked up about this. Okay, but why is that any different than say, the NFL? That’s a bunch of rules written by men in silly outfits that dictate when, where and what to believe in. And may I remind you that most of the games are played on Sunday. How many times have you or someone you know says “I pray to God that the [team name] win today!” The same could be said about government, the food industry, every sports franchise, and your job. We’ve turned something that matters into power and control, and have totally forgotten the real purpose which is to have meaning in our life.

Religion is bigger than rules. It is bigger than silly outfits. It is bigger than beef or pork. It is bigger than we can imagine. So how did we f*ck this up so badly?

Power and control are all based in fear, primarily the perceived loss of something from someone else’s doing. We fear being abandoned. We fear being poor or without resources. We fear pain and harm. We fear not being loved. Deeper than that is the fear of abandonment. Abandonment fears come with being human. As soon as we were born, separation from God occurred. And now we make up rules and sh*t to find our way back; before someone else gets there first.

That is not the God I know.

I refer to God-and-all-the-other-names as The Universe. For me, this is a massive energy source larger than we can imagine. There is no specific name, no gender, no race, no color, no language barrier and most of all no destruction and lightning bolts. The (God) Universe that I believe in is absolutely pure and loving of us no matter what we do. I think the Universe is just so damn happy that we agreed to be human in order to learn what physical existence is all about, and certainly has no plans to wipe us out. What would be gained by that? Just because we can act like idiots and shoot each other or wipe out rain forests and other dumb things, doesn’t mean that the Universe is angry.

Yes, you can talk to the Universe directly without some dork in a silly outfit running interference. The Universe is delighted when you start the day with “good morning” and express gratitude for something. The Universe gets really excited if you say “I’m having a rough day, will you help me?” And Oh MY, does the help arrive. In ways that you, with your pea brain, can’t even dream up, especially when you don’t dictate how you want that help.

I agree that religion can be a good thing for people. Some really do like the silly rituals and fish on Fridays. Some like gathering together in a beautiful building. Just remember that the most important thing of all is your direct connection with the Universe, because if someone tells you that’s not allowed then you better be losing your religion.

I Wants It

barbecue-2098020_1920You remember Gollum from “Lord of the Rings”. An emaciated creature who craved an empowered gold ring. A craving so intense that nothing else mattered. I doubt that even a junkie would be that far gone.

Cravings are powerful. I’m sure you’ve experienced them in some form or another. Like OMG, nothing will do but you have to have a bag of chips before you die of starvation! Not likely, unless you are on “Naked and Afraid”, and even then they would rescue you before death.

If you are of average weight and maintain it, cravings are fairly normal. They typically signify unmet needs for fun, excitement or love. Basically, you are bored and food fills a hole. If you struggle with being overweight or are a chronic dieter, then food cravings and overeating signal unmet emotional needs. Overeating often springs from anxiety or depression. I am not a doctor, nor am I providing a diagnosis, but if you struggle with these issues please see a doctor or therapist. Life is too short, and you are missing out on too many good things so make your overall health a priority.

Real physical hunger comes on slowly and your stomach tells you it needs fuel. Emotional hunger swirls in your mind and triggers taste sensations in your mouth. Poor nutrition, blood sugar swings, alcohol and drugs mess with your brain chemicals – especially serotonin – and cause even more cravings. Give your body the proper fuel and in return, it will provide you with energy and feel-good chemicals so you want to get out and enjoy life. Good trade-off, I’m thinking.

Lately, I’ve noticed that I have been overeating. Nothing extreme, but I’m looking a little poochy. Ick. And not for anything in particular as that points to different needs, such as salty-crunchy for anxiety. So I decided I needed to look into my need for food.

Sometimes we overeat for simple reasons: obligation – someone brought cookies to work and you don’t want to hurt their feelings; not wasting – you ordered the food at a restaurant and don’t want to leave a full plate, although a doggie bag is always an option; taste – it’s damn good!; boredom – snacky foods give you something to do; true hunger – eat too fast and eat too much; tired – hoping it sparks energy. These are a few of the reasons we shovel in more than we need.

Well hmm, I think those are my reasons.

I’ve b*itched about my work plenty, but it is a long day from waking to coming home. I have plenty of responsibility that goes from all-out-balls-to-the-wall to sitting and waiting. Anyone that does accounting work understands those cycles. During the boring times, I eat. During the stressful times, I work through lunch, go home tired, eat to refuel and have a drink to unwind. The perfect combination to build tummy fat. Because of all that, I have set aside some activities that I would normally enjoy doing – like I don’t have the time and energy for them. I know, practice what you preach. Eating has become the new enjoyment. Therein lies the problem.

Using food as a replacement for getting your needs met is a bad idea, but instead of focusing on food as the enemy search for the root. Give yourself permission to have fun. Schedule some free time in your day, just for you, to do something you love. Practice self-care. Give your relationships some attention. Hug your friends. Get out in nature and soak up a little sun. Maybe do some energy work. The third chakra – Solar Plexus – is at the navel. It governs personal power, so it may be said that a little tummy fat protects your power. Maybe your personal boundaries need a little work. The second chakra – Sacral – is directly below and governs pleasure, emotions and addictions. A definite connection. If you sit at a desk all day, like me, then the two probably get squished into one muddled energetic glob.

Hmm. Addictions ending up in the stomach. Better get up and stretch, but not for another cookie.

I wants it. . .