Bon Voyage and Godspeed, Dear Kate

41OLqVyQ+iL._AC_US327_QL65_I, like many people, was shocked and saddened to hear about the passing of Kate Spade. Kate, as we know, was the brilliant mind behind cute, quirky and beautiful handbags, shoes, clothing and housewares. I own 2 pairs of shoes and 5 of her fabulous bags and would love to have a collection. I bet they will be hard to find now.

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What really saddens me is her method. The report is of suicide. Darling Kate, what could have been so awful in your life for this to happen? Most anything can be fixed or replaced with something better. The only thing that would warrant a suicide is a painful, terminal illness and even then, don’t go it alone. There are doctors to help with that sort of thing.

We see this played out often in daily life. Someone with mental illness, severe depression, addictions, or severe pain – all truly a crisis. But there is always help. We get too far mired down in our own muck and we somehow can’t believe that there is anyone out there who cares or will help. We have distanced ourselves with too much technology and social media and forget how to reach out and hold someone’s hand. We don’t talk – we text. I read that you can even have Alexa or somesuch read your child a bedtime story. WTF.

Mental illness typically has roots in a chemical imbalance in the brain. We know that there are plenty of chemicals out there to balance them. However, some of the most simple things can change your brain chemicals. And one of them is human touch. A hug. A hand to hold. Tears to share. Laughter to lighten up. A kiss goodnight. Even petting your cat or dog will stir up the good chemicals. Do YOU do any of these things? There is ALWAYS someone out there who will hold your hand when you most need it. A nurse in the hospital. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know them, the chemicals will activate. Human beings are not meant to be alone so don’t suffer alone. Find someone to talk to if you find yourself sinking into a dark place. There is always another path for you.

Rest In Peace, Kate Spade, and thank you for bringing something for us all to smile about.

Let’s Talk Chakras – Part Seven – The Crown Chakra

crown-2533113_640This is the seventh in a series about our energy body that consists of Chakras. Chakra means “wheel” or “vortex”. We each have seven of them located along the spine, from the base up to the crown of your head. There is an additional one located slightly above the top of your head. Chakras are funnel-shaped, spin in a clockwise circle, and you have one on the front of you that draws in energy and one on the back that gives out energy. It is beneficial to you to keep them spinning and have a balance of flow in and out.

The seventh chakra is located, appropriately, on the crown of your head. It vibrates to the color violet in the light spectrum. Physical issues are related to depression, fatigue and constantly feeling out of sorts.

The Crown Chakra connects you to Spirit. Here is where your beliefs reside concerning religion, spirituality, sense of purpose, divine guidance and trust in that which you cannot see. Your deeply held beliefs waging war with those that might be imposed upon you by others will cause you to feel aimless in your life. A general feeling of illness that simply won’t go away can be based in this inner conflict. Only you can determine what you believe in. If it simply doesn’t feel right down in your gut, then it is not for you. Going against someone else’s belief system that they have imposed upon you might feel like a fight you don’t want and might cause a permanent riff, but whose happiness is most important? Another person’s? Or yours? If you choose the path that is for your highest and best good, then Spirit will support you by giving you the direction to take. And your life will be immensely better.

Open your Crown Chakra and connect with Spirit. Listen to the guidance you receive and act upon the direction. Ask Spirit for help with the next step. Watch how your life beautifully unfolds. And thank Spirit for helping.  As this corresponds to the pinnacle of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – self actualization – then contentment, feeling safe, feeling supported, and a sense of belonging bring peace to your life.  Which is what all of us really want anyway.  Namaste.

It is important to keep your chakras clean and spinning in a clockwise direction. A regular practice of meditation, with a focus on re-balancing your chakras, is the best method of keeping them healthy.

Who Moved My Cheese

miniature-figures-2938521_640You may have read or at least heard of the book “Who Moved My Cheese” by Spencer Johnson M.D. (G.P. Putnam’s Sons, September 8, 1998). It’s a story about Mice who spend their days scurrying through the Maze to find Cheese. It’s a metaphor for people, in that Cheese represents something they want in life. But mostly it’s about change and the different ways of dealing with it.

Some people thrive on change. Others, not so much. Some resist it to the last.

Change of some sort is inevitable. We’re human, so we age and aging brings change. Buildings go up, get old and they change. It’s not possible to resist all change. Or as the Borg say “Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.”

Sometimes change is unexpected or we have no control over it. Loss of life or limb, a debilitating injury or illness, natural disaster, those things can slam us to the ground without warning. And you just have to deal with it. These are moldy cheeses and some people just scrape the mold off and eat it anyway.cheese-3081046_640

Some changes come with a price tag. Divorce, loss of income, incarceration – to name a few. They are based upon choice, even if you think it is unwilling. Kind of like stinky Limberger cheese.

Other changes are pressed upon you and you must choose to accept them or not. Corporate mergers, company buyouts, workplace changes, moving back to your home town to care for aging parents. Holy, moly, it’s Swiss cheese!

Whether you know it or not, at the time, all of those kinds of changes can result in something better for you. It’s all in how you view them. Or maybe you make cheesecake. Who doesn’t like that?

And then there are changes you choose, because you want them. Getting married, having a baby, changing to a better job, buying a home. Cream cheese on a bagel! Add coffee and start your day with breakfast.

In the Cheese story, the mice were running out of cheese. Some of the mice took off to find more cheese and never came back. Others were going to stay because they didn’t believe the cheese was running out. But a few of those mice went looking for more cheese, found it, and came back to tell the rest of the mice. Proof positive that change can be good.animal-1238983_640

What does your cheese look like? Are you running out? Are you willing to make changes to have more cheese? Or do you have plenty of cheese, but are carefully doling it out so it lasts? Or are you waiting for someone else to take care of your cheese?

Change will come. You might want to get out the crackers.

DefCon Five

the-pink-panter-1996281_640I have an extreme fear of heights. Maybe more on the level of mind-numbing, nuclear attack type terror. From happy and sane to completely over-the-top nuts in seconds.

My sweetie and I just returned from a week in Oahu. Yes, lovely. Especially because it snowed in Denver while we were gone. But more on Hawaii later.

The first night was surviving the pit of misery. I booked an ocean view room and from the photos it looked like there were rooms on the lower floors. I even noted in the booking that I needed a lower floor due to extreme vertigo. Apparently, they don’t know what that is. The room was on the seventh floor, yes that’s 7 stories above the ground. Might have been able to handle that, but to get to the room you had to walk outside and around on a walkway with an open railing. I glued myself to the wall to get in the room. My sweetie said he would help me in and out so I thought I could do it.

At least they had Bud Light in the Pit of Misery. Dilly – dilly.

Once we got in for the night, the deeply buried psychotic portion of height phobia rose to the surface like the waves so coveted by the surfers. All ration and reason stayed on the ground floor and in its wake was hysteria. The hotel was quite full so they couldn’t move us until the next day. I think I would have slept under the bell desk to get out of that room. I was trapped, yet something from over the railing beckoned me. I have heard of that, so there must be some psychological condition and name for it. Evil lurked outside the door. I had to put a chair in front of the door for fear that I would be pulled out and over the edge. My thoughts went to some scene I think was in Lord Of The Rings where the Hobbits were dumped into a giant bird’s nest on a pinnacle. I was there. I shook with fear and sobbed. My poor sweetie had absolutely no idea what to do with me. I made him hold onto me and eventually went to sleep. I woke in terror several times, but survived until the next day.

The hotel staff worked very hard the next morning to move us to the fourth floor with an inside hallway. Likely in their best interests as much as mine.

I have never experienced such terror in my life. I don’t know where it comes from as I have no recall or narrative of any height trauma in my life. I can only think that it must be some past life recall. Would that I could have a do-over if that’s the case. I suppose there is some trauma therapy, maybe EMDR, that would rid me of this fear. I guess I didn’t know I needed it until now. Other than that, we had a great time and more to come about that.

Note to my fellow vertigo sufferers: along Waikiki the hotels are mostly high-rises so if you go, make sure you request a room on the third or fourth floor. That’s as low as you can get as there are shops below.

Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing

wolf-in-sheeps-clothing-2577813_1920My last post about Uranus got me thinking about bullies. Uranus in Aries seems to have brought many of them to the forefront. We can recognize these bullies as the aggressive, in-your-face sort, but what about the hidden bullies?

I’m speaking of the passive-aggressive type or wolf in sheep’s clothing. The ones that sneak up on you and bite you in the a$$, but don’t leave a mark.

When I was in grade school, there was a mean little girl who was just that kind of bully. She was all nicey-nice and wanted to be everyone’s friend. Then she started this game that I [now] call “victim of the week”. She would choose one of her “so-called” friends and decide to pick on her. She’d gather up the rest of the group and fill them with some sh*t or other about how awful that girl was. Then the taunting and poking and chasing went on, sometimes lasting the entire week if the kid was tough. The main goal was to reduce the victim to tears. I filled the victim role several times until I figured out that the goal was crying. So guess what, folks, the minute I realized I was the target I bawled like an Emmy winner.

Maybe, I too, was the bully.

aggression-656795_1280We encounter these wolves in our everyday world. They tend to be the sweet, shy ones in the corner that speak in a soft childish voice. But oh, if you cross them, they’ll hiss like an angry cobra. They want their way, but don’t have the balls to ask politely and honestly for what they want. Cross them and their pouting is legendary. They have a knack too, for knowing what your triggers are. Mine tends to center around abandonment so I usually get some form of “if you don’t do what I want I will leave you”. Sirens go off in my head and too often I have found myself giving in, giving too much and putting my needs and boundaries in the toilet. And sad to say, I left some of those people before they left me, but the reality of that is that they never would have because why let go of a handy victim/martyr?

I haven’t completely adapted my behavior yet to not get worked up by these wolves, but I have stopped myself from running away. I read something that when you are dealing with a difficult person who wants something that you are unwilling to give, is to just give them more of what they want. Huh? Sounds counter-intuitive, but that’s the point. For example, if you are in a relationship and the other person keeps saying they want more space, quit fussing about it and give it to them. Take yourself out of their presence for extended periods of time. They’ll get damn sick of their own company right quick. Maybe in the workplace if you have someone that’s always threatening to leave if they don’t get more money or whatever, then maybe offer to write a reference letter. Or go all passive back and say “well I won’t stand in the way of anyone wanting to better themselves”. Screeeeech!cat-2201460_1280

Stand up for yourself, don’t engage in the drama, because no one should ever be able to pull the wool over your eyes again.

Alter Ego

halloween

Happy Halloween!  And some of its other names: Samhain, Day of The Dead, All Hallows Eve, Eve of The Saints.  Halloween has long been an American holiday consisting of masks and costumes and an overdose of sugar.  There is something quite fun and interesting about covering – or uncovering for some – yourself with a costume.

It is a time where we shed our outer shell and often our inhibitions and step into an alter ego.  How many of you felt more free and relaxed under a mask?  Perhaps this is a time when our real selves are allowed expression.  What if we didn’t need a mask to be our true selves?

Fear of disapproval is usually why we aren’t our authentic selves.  As long as we aren’t letting out our hidden criminal element, why is the real you such a bad thing?  What hidden talents or skills should you be allowing to shine?  When you are your true self and you love that self, then shining it out to the world is like a bright beacon of light.  People are drawn to authenticity.  And who knows what amazing things will come your way.

So let go of that mask.

Tribal Right

You have probably heard the expression “Beyond The Pale”.  It relates back to villages and having their boundaries defined by stakes or fences.  If you stepped beyond the pale you were stepping outside acceptable behavior, quite often resulting in being alienated from your village.  And then suffered from the shame of abandonment even if you found another village that accepted your different behavior.fall

Abandonment takes root at the very core of our self.  Loss, shame, unworthiness lurk at the edges of our consciousness and affect every area of our life.  If you want to live your best life, you will need to address these issues.  Abandonment is TRAUMA and possibly Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  Find a therapist who specializes in this, and possibly trained in EMDR techniques to help you release this pain.

Trauma buries itself in your psyche and resurfaces every time you encounter a similar situation to the original action.  Long-term re-activation can cause you to develop illnesses and possibly chronic disease.  Do not live your life in pain and loneliness.  Seek out a tribe to regain your sense of belonging.

Women thrive when they have a tribe.  Collectively we become more powerful and can accomplish a great deal.  Being powerful radiates beauty.  Having a positive version of a “do not f*ck with me” attitude actually draws people to you.  It just means that you love and respect yourself.  Who doesn’t want that?

Including the rest of your tribe.

MotherFaker

Read that title twice, didn’t you?  It might be a Freudian slip. . .

maskA MotherFaker is a mother who gave birth, but only pretended to be a mother.  Many, many of us had one, a mother that just couldn’t quite give us the nurturing and love that we needed.  We grew up scarred because of it, drifting in and out of relationships, marriages, jobs, homes, friendships, whatever it was that we tried to suck a little bit of love out of.  We attracted those people and situations as a mirror of our selves.  Maybe you still struggle with this.  Maybe we will never get over that abandoned and unwanted feeling.

It is possible, if you are willing to do the work.

Everyone says to forgive.  Yes, I know that is a stupid statement and you do not feel like you can ever condone your mother’s actions.  That is not the point of forgiveness.  You only want to neutralize your feelings so you don’t leave this stuck inside of you.  Your mother was not capable of being a mother to you.  It is NOTHING about YOU.  Maybe she had difficult circumstances in her life that caused her to shut down.  Maybe she had a MotherFaker and that was all she knew.  IT WAS NOTHING ABOUT YOU.  You have to find a way to let go of holding onto the energy so you can move on with your life and live the best you possible.  Does it really benefit you to be pissed about this?  Is that ever going to change the situation?  No.  It happened.  Your mother was not capable of love, but YOU ARE.

sad childStart by loving yourself.  Nurture the little girl inside you in all the ways that you did not get.  You will be surprised how much that helps to let go of your pain.  Start simply by asking yourself what you need: am I hungry, tired, thirsty, have to pee?  Honor those needs and then you will be able to ask yourself how you feel.  Whenever you feel crabby and out-of-sorts, start there.  Children of MotherFakers always put Her needs first and denied themselves.  Stop the crazy-making train and tend to you first.  Get into that practice and you will be surprised how your life changes and how differently people treat you.

And then you no longer have to fake being happy.