With all the chaos and negativity running rampant in the world, it is difficult to keep a positive state of mind. Dilly-dilly, seems pretty silly when you try to focus on the Light. Or is it Lite. (poorly written puns, I know, but thus is the state of my mind)
All silliness aside, I’ve had my share of dark times this past year. I have a stressful, highly responsible job managing a government department’s funds. I don’t mind the work, just the demands that go with it and the difficult people with rigid ideas. I have had a skirmish with someone who decided he knew more about my work than I do, even though he has never done it, much less asked any questions. It is an ongoing issue, with his passive-aggressive attempts to make me look bad. He has enlisted a couple others in his quest, who love to make demeaning remarks in group meetings. Lest you think I am delusional about my skills, I have grade A reviews accompanied by high compensation.
Alongside these passive-aggressive attempts to demean me, these people also want to suck all the knowledge out of my brain and automate everything I do. It is crazy-making and I am beyond ready for retirement. My manager does the best she can to defend me, but she is also taking hits from these people. I have no idea why this is occurring.
It is bad enough, that my sweetie thinks I need anti-depressants. I won’t even self-medicate with alcohol. It doesn’t help though, when we get into these repetitive conversations about family members, ex-spouses and our past history. I have literally felt as though I have been sucked down into the oubliette, otherwise known as the Pit of Misery. (horrible place, really, look it up) Enough so, I am considering prescribed meds.
This morning, however, I woke into a different frame of mind. I told him that we need to have a cease-fire on such depressing topics, unless it is necessary or relevant. Such as, I can discuss my work if only to explain why I come home mad. All of the other is behind us and, instead, we need to talk about how we want our life to look. None of the rest of it serves any purpose. He was totally with me on this.
I have a bit of a theory on this, personally anyway, because of my age. The 2nd Saturn Return occurs during your late 50s. The first one occurs around age 27 and, well, you’ve all heard of the 27 Club. Serious sh*t. The 2nd one ain’t no picnic either. It’s Life Review time, people, and you might be staring down the hole of the P.o.M. If you haven’t healed and released your sh*t yet, it’s going to come crawling out of that dark place you’ve stored it and poke you right between the eyes. What are you gonna do about it and how are you gonna live the rest of your life? Do you want to stay in the sh*tpile or do you want to shovel it out of your way? (just remember, sh*t makes flowers grow)
You don’t have to know every single detail of how you want your life to flow from here on out. Start with today and set the intention that you are improving your life. Stop talking about the sh*t and focus on the good stuff. Can’t get past that? Call upon the Universe for help. Ask for help with more positive thoughts. Ask for a peaceful day. Ask to be protected from a$$holes. Ask for a good parking spot at the grocery store.
Ask for a pretty mug to pour your Bud Light into so you can toast your peaceful day.