Not My Monkeys

monkey-474147_640You know them, the people that seem to hang around your neck wanting you to fix everything for them. They’re charming, they’re funny, they are almost child-like and they have this mysterious way that convinces you to agree with what they want.

They are not your Monkeys.

If you say no or you don’t have time, they up the ante. “But you are so good at it,” and you get sucked in. If you still say no, the guilt trip comes, “you don’t care about me,” and maybe they’ll bring up an illness so you get alarmed. If you are tough enough to get past that, watch out, as their temper will rival a three-year-old’s and you will get burned.

They are not your Monkeys.animals-2025376_640

Every time you get sucked into someone else’s sh*t that you don’t have the time or the resources for, you take away time for yourself to work on what matters to you. You’ll feel tired. You’ll feel resentment. You’ll feel angry, and you might not even like that person very much.

So why do you have those Monkeys on your back?

It’s difficult to tell people No when you are a kind, helpful person. Those are really good character traits to have so don’t try to replace them with nastiness. You just need to learn how to put yourself first. After all, those Monkeys are good at putting themselves first.

Monkeys can pick their rescuers out of a crowd. They have an uncanny ability to zero in on the one – or three – people out of fifty that they can work to their advantage. Don’t be one. It is not selfish to put your needs first. It is only selfish when you do it to the exclusion of everyone else – like the Monkeys.

Practice saying no. If you don’t feel good, don’t agree to go to the grocery store for the Monkey. They have two legs and two arms. (Now I’m not including truly handicapped persons as Monkeys.) A two-year-old is not a Monkey. Well, yes they are, in a different form when they are trying to climb up the kitchen cupboards to the cookie jar on the top shelf.

Your needs are important and should always be attended to first. Not entitlements, but self-care, things that derive income, and things you are passionate about. When you are happy and fulfilled, you will have time and energy to give to others.

Just don’t give in to Monkey Business. Let them find another circus.

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