DefCon Five

I have an extreme fear of heights. Maybe more on the level of mind-numbing, nuclear attack type terror. From happy and sane to completely over-the-top nuts in seconds.

My sweetie and I just returned from a week in Oahu. Yes, lovely. Especially because it snowed in Denver while we were gone. But more on Hawaii later.

The first night was surviving the pit of misery. I booked an ocean view room and from the photos it looked like there were rooms on the lower floors. I even noted in the booking that I needed a lower floor due to extreme vertigo. Apparently, they don’t know what that is. The room was on the seventh floor, yes that’s 7 stories above the ground. Might have been able to handle that, but to get to the room you had to walk outside and around on a walkway with an open railing. I glued myself to the wall to get in the room. My sweetie said he would help me in and out so I thought I could do it.

At least they had Bud Light in the Pit of Misery. Dilly – dilly.

Once we got in for the night, the deeply buried psychotic portion of height phobia rose to the surface like the waves so coveted by the surfers. All ration and reason stayed on the ground floor and in its wake was hysteria. The hotel was quite full so they couldn’t move us until the next day. I think I would have slept under the bell desk to get out of that room. I was trapped, yet something from over the railing beckoned me. I have heard of that, so there must be some psychological condition and name for it. Evil lurked outside the door. I had to put a chair in front of the door for fear that I would be pulled out and over the edge. My thoughts went to some scene I think was in Lord Of The Rings where the Hobbits were dumped into a giant bird’s nest on a pinnacle. I was there. I shook with fear and sobbed. My poor sweetie had absolutely no idea what to do with me. I made him hold onto me and eventually went to sleep. I woke in terror several times, but survived until the next day.

The hotel staff worked very hard the next morning to move us to the fourth floor with an inside hallway. Likely in their best interests as much as mine.

I have never experienced such terror in my life. I don’t know where it comes from as I have no recall or narrative of any height trauma in my life. I can only think that it must be some past life recall. Would that I could have a do-over if that’s the case. I suppose there is some trauma therapy, maybe EMDR, that would rid me of this fear. I guess I didn’t know I needed it until now. Other than that, we had a great time and more to come about that.

Note to my fellow vertigo sufferers: along Waikiki the hotels are mostly high-rises so if you go, make sure you request a room on the third or fourth floor. That’s as low as you can get as there are shops below.