My last post about Uranus got me thinking about bullies. Uranus in Aries seems to have brought many of them to the forefront. We can recognize these bullies as the aggressive, in-your-face sort, but what about the hidden bullies?
I’m speaking of the passive-aggressive type or wolf in sheep’s clothing. The ones that sneak up on you and bite you in the a$$, but don’t leave a mark.
When I was in grade school, there was a mean little girl who was just that kind of bully. She was all nicey-nice and wanted to be everyone’s friend. Then she started this game that I [now] call “victim of the week”. She would choose one of her “so-called” friends and decide to pick on her. She’d gather up the rest of the group and fill them with some sh*t or other about how awful that girl was. Then the taunting and poking and chasing went on, sometimes lasting the entire week if the kid was tough. The main goal was to reduce the victim to tears. I filled the victim role several times until I figured out that the goal was crying. So guess what, folks, the minute I realized I was the target I bawled like an Emmy winner.
Maybe, I too, was the bully.
We encounter these wolves in our everyday world. They tend to be the sweet, shy ones in the corner that speak in a soft childish voice. But oh, if you cross them, they’ll hiss like an angry cobra. They want their way, but don’t have the balls to ask politely and honestly for what they want. Cross them and their pouting is legendary. They have a knack too, for knowing what your triggers are. Mine tends to center around abandonment so I usually get some form of “if you don’t do what I want I will leave you”. Sirens go off in my head and too often I have found myself giving in, giving too much and putting my needs and boundaries in the toilet. And sad to say, I left some of those people before they left me, but the reality of that is that they never would have because why let go of a handy victim/martyr?
I haven’t completely adapted my behavior yet to not get worked up by these wolves, but I have stopped myself from running away. I read something that when you are dealing with a difficult person who wants something that you are unwilling to give, is to just give them more of what they want. Huh? Sounds counter-intuitive, but that’s the point. For example, if you are in a relationship and the other person keeps saying they want more space, quit fussing about it and give it to them. Take yourself out of their presence for extended periods of time. They’ll get damn sick of their own company right quick. Maybe in the workplace if you have someone that’s always threatening to leave if they don’t get more money or whatever, then maybe offer to write a reference letter. Or go all passive back and say “well I won’t stand in the way of anyone wanting to better themselves”. Screeeeech!
Stand up for yourself, don’t engage in the drama, because no one should ever be able to pull the wool over your eyes again.