Droid-ful

p1135496_e_v8_ab[1]Are you one of those people (like me) who continuously feel responsible for everyone and everything?  It gets to be exhausting, not to mention it just pisses you off when other people blissfully let you do their work.  You get on this endless treadmill of work-work-work and you never seem to have any time for yourself.  But you do have time by yourself, you are on that treadmill alone.  How do you get off?

Maybe you don’t really want to.

You have the power, after all.  You are calling the shots, and yes, it is controlling and enabling.    But none of this really makes you a terrible person.  There are often deep-seated reasons for your actions.

Behind control lives fear.  You have fear and anxiety of what might happen if you don’t keep control.  You like, no Need, your environment to be a certain way.  People who have experienced trauma, especially childhood trauma, often use control as a coping mechanism to avoid repeating the trauma.  If you do things to make your environment safe, or take on other people’s responsibilities to keep you safe, then somehow this translates to not repeating the event or issue.

But you will never feel safe until you give up control to the Universe to guide the outcome.

Another aspect of controlling actions is energetic sensitivity.  Maybe you perform the duties of others just to avoid being around them.  You know, that crabby complaining-about-everything person you have to work with.  You’ll do anything to keep them away.  Or the flip side, an under-performer who is a really awesome person and you don’t want them to get fired.  Neither of which serves them or you.  You are just an energetic sponge.

How do you protect yourself from this stuff?

First of all, you must let people be responsible for their own stuff.  How will they ever learn to be self-sufficient and thoughtful of others if you continue to interfere with their life lessons?  You are here for your own, why heap their pile on top?  Stop enabling and suffer through the outcome.  The reality is that it is never as bad as you imagined.  Sometimes those people really pull through and just surprise the hell out of you.

Secondly, deal with the trauma.  You will never heal if you don’t.

Anxiety is just obsessing over an unknown future.  You could get hit by a truck tomorrow and it will be all over and look what you missed out on.  If you focus on the now and doing whatever you need to do in the now, the future will become the now.  Practice grounding.  Grounding into the Earth keeps you connected in the now.  Create an energetic boundary.  Imagine yourself completely surrounded by an egg-shaped light.  It should be about three feet outside your body.  Imagine that it is impenetrable except for only love-based energy, which flows in and out.  Know that you are safe and secure inside this light.  This is great protection for the energy sensitive.

And know without a doubt, if you ask, the Universe will keep you safe and give you red-flag warnings of action steps that keep you safe.  The Universe will also provide you with the best possible outcome for your highest good.

Me, I’m thinking of getting a droid.  Sort of a clone of myself.  I’m going to program it with all the nonsensical, enabling, controlling behaviors that rule my inner world.  Then I’m going to lie down on the sofa, take a nap, and dream up ways to make my world lesson free.

Calming The Zoo

squirrel-316022_1280Sometimes the endless chatter in your head can make you feel like running and screaming.  Whether it’s your monkey mind or squirrel brain, feeling overwhelmed can be like living in a zoo.

Today’s world is fast and endless.  Technology drives the pace and global media points the direction.  We are turned on and tuned in, when sometimes we just need to shut it all off.  How many times a day do you reach for your cell phone or other personal data device?  If we do shut them off, we become starved for the electronic hit like a junkie desperate for a quick fix.

Technology is amazing, no doubt.  You can consult with a doctor, or watch a video on how to scope out the toilet.  A lot of useful things, but with the consequences that everything should be “on-demand”.  Including our brains.  We fuel up with caffeine and sugar to keep up with the hype and then wonder why we can’t fall asleep at night.  Counting sheep has been replaced by chasing squirrels.

Is it any wonder why so many undiagnosed illnesses that are treated with a pill end up creating one?

You don’t have to unplug to calm the zoo.  Even hyenas take time to eat, sleep and play.

One of the easiest methods to unwind is to ground yourself.  Hug a tree (like, for real), walk barefoot in the grass, put your feet in water or just simply imagine a cord attached like a tail to the base of your spine and going deep into the earth.  None of these things will harm the earth.  Mother Earth is very willing and able to dissipate your yuck energy if you give it to her.  She can take a lightning strike with ease, so you are no big deal.  Remember to breathe deeply while doing this as it helps move the squirrel energy out of you much quicker.

Deep breathing is another way to calm your mind and help you think clearly.  No need to go to that oxygen bar and waste your money.  Deep breathing can be done in about five secs.

Faster than clicking on the latest Twitter feed.

Maniacally Depressive

upset-534103_1920I know they call it Bi-polar these days, but I’m not talking about a mental health disorder.  Disorderly, maybe, but nothing clinical.  Do you ever have those days when you feel so overwhelmed it makes you want to cry?  It’s enough to make you mentally ill.

I have a lot going on right now.  Summer is coming to a close and it is time to start preparing for cold weather.  We spent the last day in our little pool and it is draining as I write.  Now talk about depressive.  There are quite a few things to do to shut down the pool and patio.  The pool needs to be drained, cleaned, disassembled, folded up and put back into the box.  Hopefully.  You know how those things go.  The manufacturer uses some sort of air thing to suck all the molecules out of the plastic so it fits into a box half the normal size.  Then we crazy (and insanely determined) humans attempt to stuff whatever back into the container.

Maniacally.

I’m hopeful.

We’ll see in a day or two after the thing has dried out.  The filter needs to be cleaned and also packed away.  Innertubes deflated.  Floating bar deflated.  Then everything stuffed into a corner in the garage until Memorial Day.  Waaaaa!!

That’s just the first round.  In a few weeks, the rest of the patio gets undressed, tarped and pushed out of the way.  It took like three days to set it all up so we’ve got our work cut out for us.

Depressive.

Before long snow will be piled on top and I’ll be dreaming of the tiki bar.  The flower garden needs to be tended.  Weeds pulled.  Ornaments put away.  Bulbs ordered for fall planting.  Halloween gear unearthed from the crawl space.  (It’s a month long ordeal at our house.)IMG_0481

And all this while working, keeping up with household chores and maintaining a blog.  It’s enough to send me into a funk.

Or maybe just onto the sofa to watch football.  Anything to keep away the winter blues.

False Evidence Appearing Real

fear-2019930_1920Today is the 17th anniversary of the 9-11 attack, when terrorists crashed into the World Trade Center and brought death and destruction to many. I can look out my office window and watch emergency workers prepare for the memorial taking place in the community where I work.  I listened to Sammy Hagar’s song “Remember the Heroes” playing on the radio.

I remember the skies being silent that evening, no airplane contrails other than military jets on patrol.  A rather surreal silence, and underlying sense of unease because we knew not what was yet to come.   Disaster mobilized people into action and many heroes pressed through the smoke and debris to draw life from the rubble.  It was a day of shock for all of the United States, a day that changed many things forever.  A day that we all learned that Fear was a way of life.

What is fear, anyway?  In a lesser degree, it is the anxiety of not knowing the result of an anticipated outcome.  In a higher degree, it is allowing someone or something to have dominance over you.  Understandable, if they are holding a gun to your head.  When I think of fear, I think of the acronym:

False Evidence Appearing Real

Most often, fear is just that.  We believe something, we’re told to believe something, we make assumptions, we lack the knowledge or understanding of something.  I think ignorance is a great factor in fear.  Many equate ignorance with stupidity, but that is not always so.  Intelligent people can be ignorant, if they choose not to have understanding.  Ignorance can create hate too.  Refusing to understand someone or something with an underlying fear can totally erupt into hate.  And with 9-11, outright violence.

If you are afraid, ask yourself why?  Is it because you want control and feel you are lacking that?  How do you get control?  The only control you need is over yourself.  Your thoughts and beliefs are your own.  If you are afraid because you don’t know something, why don’t you ask questions?  Most people won’t get angry with you if you ask politely.  If not the direct approach, seek answers from other sources.  (Multiple sources, please, not just one social media posting.)  Knowledge is the best armor you can have.  It won’t protect you from everything and everyone, but it will keep your monkey mind from conjuring up more false evidence.  Knowledge helps to open your mind.  An open mind connects you to the Universe.  The Universe fills you with light and the more light we bring to the planet the less room there is for fear.

And fear will no longer be real.

Gone Viral

monster-426995_1920A couple of weeks ago, I came down with some sort of virus.  You know the kind, lack of energy, and just wanting to sleep.  With it came several days of internal rumbling and not too interested in putting food inside me.  Had no resulting weight gain, damn it.  It’s still lingering and I’m getting a bit depressed.

Or maybe it is just because summer is coming to an end.

Maybe I need some sunshine.  I could go outside, lie down on the sectional and take a nap.  Then I’d likely wake up with a sunburn on half my body, a-la Close Encounters.  (Please say you remember the scene when Richard Dreyfus looks out the window of his truck and, um, “sees the light”.)  I take vitamin D, so I don’t think I’m lacking there.  But then, sunshine always makes me happy.

Whatever the cause, isn’t it interesting the things our bodies do in response to an internal threat?  Often far better than the anti-virus software in your computer.  Without getting graphic, it is rather astonishing how the body goes into all-out war in eliminating the monster that invaded it.  I, and likely many others, am not very patient during the siege.  It takes a lot of effort to fight viral take-overs and the body likes to shut you down during the process.  I’m torn between sleeping and weeping.  Yesterday, I went shopping for a couple of hours, came home and washed the car, and I was just done for the day.  WTF.

It’s that time of year when viruses start gearing up for an attack.  Kids go back to school and we all know that is one gigantic bacteria factory.  You go to the doctor’s office and you get sick just breathing the air around the building.  Last year, my sweetie and I managed to avoid catching anything.  Yay!  I attribute that to our twice daily dosing of vitamins D, C, zinc sulfate and turmeric.  I had a bit of a sniffle in February, but it died off in a few days.

We owe it to ourselves and our Creator to take care of our bodies.  Eating well, sleeping, vitamins, exercise, play, relaxation and mindfulness.  Figure out what works best for your body and not just what someone else says.  Life is meant to be enjoyed and taking care of yourself contributes greatly to this.  Because if you don’t, you’ll end up with some mutated germ that wipes out half the planet.

And then you won’t be able to post some amazing video that Goes Viral.  You know, like that cat. . .

Fall-ing

autumn-1655915_1920Summer is giving its last big push before giving way to Fall.  There is still warmth in the air, yet a crispiness to the edges of the breeze that speaks to cooler days ahead.  Flowers are blossoming riotously, vivid colors, as though to give up their very last gift before collapsing spent into the mulch.  Leaves compete with the blossoms with rich tones of yellow, orange and red.  The smells of chlorine and coconut oil are diminishing to be replaced by the smoky scent of fireplaces.  It’s quieter outside as children return to the classroom and summer festivals are packed up and moved back to indoor venues.

summer-814679_1920Oh, how I love summer, sunshine and fun every day.  I feel a sadness deep within as I, too, give way to the tug of Fall and the time of turning inward.  And the inevitable demands of winter cold and snow.

Fall is a time to savor the dreams we worked to achieve.  We birth them in Spring, nurture and grow through the lazy days of Summer and harvest what we have sown in the autumn season.  As difficult as it is to let loose of summer, it is equally so to release the nurturing of our dreams.  Harder still to move into winter, where we along with our dreams, must hunker down to focus on the next stage.

Everything has its seasons, including our dreams.

poolWe must look at Fall as truly a time of harvest.  What joy, what gifts came with summer that we can ripen and grow into something bigger?  If summer was full of fun, how do we continue to pull more of that into our lives?  The clues are all there if you are willing to take the time to look and see what brought you the most joy.  I learned many things this summer.  Where I live, what provides both fun and relaxation, what activities are readily and easily available, and how I want to live my life.  I think this has been the best summer I have experienced for all these things. 

And as the leaves begin to crackle beneath my feet, and the chill in the air reminds me of the approach of winter, I don’t mind too much because I know that next summer will be even better.  So bring on the harvest, I’m ready to Fall-in.

Be-Labored

bees-44503_1280Tomorrow is Labor Day in the U.S., a day when we celebrate and honor all of those who bust their a$$ on a daily basis to get sh*t done.  If there weren’t people around who get sh*t done, we’d still be roasting rodents over a fire in a cave.

The reality is that Labor Day is just another reason for people to roast things on their grills and drink a lot of alcohol.  Yes, you know you will.  I would be too, except I’ve had a little tummy virus for a few days and it’s enough to find food that my tummy will tolerate.

You have probably heard the expression: are you working to live or living to work?  That is certainly thought provoking, but I really think we do both.  You work to have the means to obtain things you need or want: food, shelter, clothing, shoes, we all have a list.  You could be working and doing something you absolutely love and enjoy doing, which will also enable you to obtain those things.  If you are doing something you don’t like, but it also enables you to obtain those things is it really that bad?  But what if you are doing something you hate and it doesn’t get you anything?  You have to ask yourself, “why?”

Everyone works, whether it is for enjoyment, for money, for caretaking, or any other reason.  Even people that sit on their a$$ all day and seemingly do nothing except maybe complain, well that takes work too.  They are very busy conjuring up excuses as to how busy they think they are.  That’s very tiring.  And then they have to keep all those excuses straight in their head so they don’t get caught in their denial.

Some people have a hard time not working.  They can’t sit still, they can’t watch TV, they can’t simply be a lazy slug for an hour.  Hell, they probably even work in their sleep.  I’m kind of one of those people, however, I have been training myself to make time to do the occasional mindless thing.  And you know what?  I feel better and I still get sh*t done.  And when you get sh*t done, life moves on.

Here’s to all the worker bees and wanna-bees – try bee-ing one.

Your Body, Your Choice

 

clothes-2029337_1280If you follow my blog, you know that I write about emotional issues and beliefs, many of which are from personal experience.  I pose challenging questions in the hopes that you think about them and make changes so you can live your best life.  I wish that for everyone and that is what we are here for.

This time, I am asking you to challenge your beliefs.  It is a very controversial subject, but one that is near-and-dear to me both personally and professionally.

It is the choice of when to have or not have a baby.

Babies are very precious.  They bring much needed light and life to the world and teach us that humans are amazing.  Because they are so precious, they deserve to be born into a family that is ready and able to give them the love and care they need to thrive.

Human beings are biologically wired to have sex, which can lead to procreation.  Males are wired to have it quickly and often.  Females take their time to choose the best mate.  Increasing the vitality of the herd, so to speak.  The human component of this is a loving family.

Biology rules, in spite of our denial of it.  The moment we start producing hormones, the urge to mate begins.  I’m sure that the global impact of media and entertainment can stimulate this somewhat prematurely, but nothing stops biology.  Certainly not denial.  It is important to acknowledge this.  Acknowledge what might be happening.  That preteen, supposedly studying with a friend in their bedroom while you are snoozing during the evening news.  The college student, far away from home for the first time, is lonely and goes to a party with friends.  The adult, emotionally battered from a neglected childhood, equating love with sex.  And the list goes on.

The biggest gift you can give your child is teaching them the facts of biology and how to respect and honor their body.  Their body, their choice.  Teach them that No is a complete sentence.  Teach them to respect someone else’s no and move on.  Teach them to protect their body from disease or unintended pregnancy.  Teach them to honor someone else’s decision to protect their body.  Your child is precious.

The argument is that a baby is a gift from Spirit.  Well, absolutely.  No argument there.

I truly believe that Spirit created human bodies with unconditional love.  We are placed upon Earth with Free Will choice in order to experience life and grow our spirit.  The ultimate goal is to live our best life, give and receive love, and find our way back to Spirit.  If all of this is true, and Spirit gifted us with Free Will Choice, doesn’t that mean we get to decide when to have, or not have, a baby?  Isn’t honoring your body a Thank You to Spirit for its creation?

If instead we believe that this is entirely up to Spirit, why would Spirit allow a baby to be born into an abusive home with possibly fatal consequences?  If we exercised our free will choice, then isn’t that like protecting the baby prior to its conception?

Babies are precious.

This subject has deep personal meaning to me.  If my birth parents had the resources to protect their bodies, I wouldn’t be here.  I am okay with that.  I may have, instead, been born into a loving home and not had to spend most of my life struggling to resolve the emotional damage from my present life.  My mother was a teenager when I was born.  She missed graduation and all the other fun things of teenage and young adult life.  Her boyfriend, my father, was older – an adult – and chose not to give up his lifestyle for family life.  I held little interest for him since I wasn’t a boy.  Three lives have been impacted by not having a choice.  Well, I suppose I wouldn’t be trying to help others if I hadn’t had that experience.

Professionally, I am at the front lines of the consequences of unintended pregnancies.  I work for a government social services agency.  Thankfully, I handle money and not directly interact with clients – it would break my heart.  Each month, we experience these results.  Each year it costs more and we receive less funding to provide services.  We treat sexually transmitted infections, dispense planning methods, do cervical cancer screenings, process paternity tests, accept child support payments, authorize public assistance payments to families who can’t afford to feed their growing family and much more.  The numbers keep growing and the costs go up.  We rescue babies and children from homes where the parents struggle with substance abuse, have mental health issues, incur sexual abuse, bring violence into the home that may result in a fatality.  There are too many children in foster homes.  These homes are expensive.  Some of these children never return to their birth family.  Some of them may get adopted by a loving family, but even then, a few are returned to foster care because the new family cannot cope with the severe emotional and behavioral issues of the children.  It tears at my heart to see these numbers growing.  When and where does it stop!!!

Denial will not stop it.  Celibacy will not stop it.  Incarceration will not stop it.

It stops where it begins.  Your Body, Your Choice.

Honor and respect your body by making the choice.  Honor and thank Spirit for your body by making the choice.  But most of all, honor the babies and children by letting them be born to someone who is ready and capable of loving and caring for them.

Because. . .babies are precious.

 

For Kathy B: It is not how many you reach, but reaching the one who gets the message.  For each one who does, the energy will radiate out and multiply.  Many Blessings.

My Mother, My Body, My Self

mother-1327186_1280My mother was mean and fat.  I suppose she had her reasons.  I was born to her when she was a teenager, unable to graduate with her high school class, and the subject of scorn from many.  Self-hatred can cause you to pack on pounds in an effort to deflect other’s criticism.

I swore I would never be like my mother.

I never grew fat, just slightly chubby during difficult periods in my life, but always managed to ditch those few extra pounds when happiness was more prevalent in my life.  But I absorbed my mother’s dissatisfaction in other ways.

I became her punishment.

She told me once, “never get pregnant or you’ll ruin your life”.  I suppose, then, that I had ruined her life.  Her self-hatred ran deep, and so I spent the better part of my life attempting to appease her.  Wasted effort.  Once I gave up, my life changed in dramatic ways.

Shame and blame are guilt trips that are all too easy to fall into.  It takes courage, it takes strength, and it takes total compassion for yourself and your struggles to dig out of the rut of shame and blame.  My mother never got there.  She might still be in that place, but I don’t know as we no longer speak.

I still hate her on occasion.  I would guess that’s normal.  When my thighs get fat, I hate her.  When I stand with my hands on my hips, I hate her.  Sometimes we mimic our mother’s body to heal the pain of rejection.

I am not my mother’s body.

When I see these aspects appear, they just remind me of the wounds left behind.  They remind me of my struggle to create my own identity and not the one my mother impressed upon me.  And as each day goes by, and I allow my wants, my needs, and the desires of my true self thrust outward like a seedling in fresh mulch every piece of my mother’s rejection drops into my arms like a newborn greeting the world.

Like Phoenix rising from the ashes.

And knowing this, I wrap my arms around those injured bits of my soul, and tell myself that I am Loved and I am Cared For.  And I smile as I watch shame and blame fade away.

You’re Not Good Enough

hand-1923005_1920What?  Why not?  This is usually our first response.  But maybe, the best response is “for what?”

What is “not good enough?”  Most of the time it is someone else’s expectation of us.  Are they right?  And if they are, should you really be worried about that?  Yeah, maybe, if they are paying you for your performance.  You could have an off day or you are ill, but they should give you a break for that.  If you are consistently not up to the expectations they have outlined for you, well then, you probably aren’t good enough.  But you might be good enough for someone else.

And you are damn sure good enough for you.

Always remember that the Creator made you and you were absolutely good enough then, so why wouldn’t you be now?

Expectations.  Others, of course, but really of yourself.  How many times do you let yourself down, because you don’t think you are good enough or capable enough?  Do you start with the self-expectation that you aren’t, so you somehow sabotage your efforts to prove yourself right?

How would that change if you believed, or just known, that you could do something?  If that is true, you are most likely already there and don’t even think about it.

Expectations can push us or punish us.  They should push us and make us want to grow, to change, to be better than we were the day before.  Expectations should help others strive too.  Rather than punishing someone for not meeting our expectations, tell them how you feel.  “I don’t like it when you don’t pick up after yourself.  The room looks dirty and cluttered.  I get tired because I feel like I have to pick up your stuff.”  Rather than telling them they are stupid or lazy or dictating that they have to do something, you are bringing it back to how you feel.  Sharing your feelings is healthy and gives the other person the opportunity to do better.

And then they can change their expectations and see that they are good enough.